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I know it's not their fault but I it's so painful being around my skids

smomof2's picture

Submitted by smomof2 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 1:15pm

SO and I were so happy when we found out I was pregnant. Sadly I miscarried last week. I've been crying nonstop, my heart is physically aching. Since the miscarriage, everytime I see my ssons, it's like rubbing salt on my wounds. I get so angry and hurt that SO was able to effortlessly have 2 children by a woman he didn't want kids with (BM got pregnant 2 months after her and SO met, they broke up, got back together right before ss4 was born, then when ss4 was 6 months, BM got pregnant w/ ss3).

Looking at the skids remind me of what I lost. The Dr told me about 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage and it was nothing I did or someone did. And I know it's not the boys's or BM's, or SO's fault but I swear I can't stand being around the kids! They've been at BM's for 5 days, today is our turn to have them for the next 5 days and I can't do it. I packed my bag this morning and will be staying w/ a friend till the ssons go back to BM on monday. Maybe in a week when they come back I'll feel a little better. I've always felt conflicted about the ssons calling me me mom. But when we found out I was pregnant, SO started calling me "mama" and the boys are doing that too. I don't want them calling me momma! it's just another painful reminder. I honestly love my skids but right now it's best for me to take a break from them. I need to take care of me first.

Comments

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 1:37pm

I am so sorry you had to go though this. I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in between my bio's. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be around the other children. (((HUGS))) In a few months you can start trying again and there is a very very good chance that next time everything will be fine.

Tell SO that you need a break for a couple of weeks from the other kids. He needs to be understanding of what you are experiencing.

sweetbabycake's picture

Submitted by sweetbabycake on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 1:37pm

I know exactly what you are going through. I have 2 Skids and I got pregnant and miscarried. It hurt so bad. It took us almost 2 years to get pregnant. I felt jealous, hurt, sad, you name it. I was down for about a month or so. It will get easier, I promise. Keep trying. You need to get your thoughts together and try to stay positive. It will make it harder on you if your stressed out and trying to get pregnant. I know it is very painful. You ask, why me? I know I did.

smomof2's picture

Submitted by smomof2 on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:00pm

I was only 7 weeks but because we were trying for 3 months before it happened, I felt like I was pregnant longer than that. Physically I feel ok, just tired from lack of sleep. The hardest part was the first couple of days after the loss where I still felt nauseous and my boobs were still hurting. I called the Dr and asked her if she was sure the baby was gone since I still had the pregnancy symptoms. I really don't want to be a crazy person but I've been wishing and praying that this is all just a nightmare and I'll wake up soon. Or that the Dr made a mistake or there were some mix-up etc... When I first started bleeind my OB said some women have spotting through their first trimester so I shouldn't be alarmed. Although now I know that was not the case for me, Istill fantasize about baby being ok afterall.

stepmisery's picture

Submitted by stepmisery on Wed, 06/27/2012 - 2:03pm

So sorry for your loss and yes, you need to take care of yourself first for awhile and totally understandable the presence of SS's is just a painful reminder. Take the break you need and do.not.feel.guilty!

Naya321's picture

Submitted by Naya321 on Fri, 04/16/2021 - 2:26pm

I'm sorry for your loss and I know exactly what you are going through. I actually just found this forum. I've been searching for people to connect with bc about two weeks ago I had a miscarriage at 16 weeks. I had to do induced labor and a d&c. My husband stayed home with me for the next 5 days to take care of me and it was nice, no stepkids. Initially I was ok seeing my stepkids  (age 6 and 8 )again after the miscarriage at first but then slowly I saw how their connection with dad was so strong. I started resenting the words dadda or daddy. I hated bedtime tucking in and story time because it reminded me of what I could've and should've had. I would start to ignore them or hide in my room which isn't fair to them. They're lovely kids and we have a great relationship. I actually stayed with my mom when I realized this was a problem. My husband is understanding but is hurt. He keeps saying but we are a family and they love you. I get that but they're not my baby girl. I'm hoping time helps with this. I've tried to find books or other resources. Even my counseling session went sour because she was like oh this is a very specific case. I'm like ok...thanks that doesn't help. I hope things get better for you but I understand your pain because I'm feeling it too.