when did skid call you step mom?
i have been in ss4's life for 1.5yr now, and i am never referred to his step mom in front of him. I never really cared, because fh and i will not be married until the end of july, but after mothers days, ive been thinking more about it. My friends and fh all wished me a happy mothers day, because after all i am a mother to ss4 when he is with us. it was really sweet, and i felt happy knowing that people really do see how much i do for and care for ss.
a month or so ago, i referred to myself as his step mom, and he kind of acted funny. my fh reacted by saying, all he hears is mom, and he is too young to understand, and since we arent married yet we didnt need to refer to my self as his step mom.
now that i think about it, im offended! should i not act as a step mother until we are married? dont i deserve to be called his step mother now with all that i do for him?
when did your skids start calling you their step mother? am i being too sensitive?
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maybe a bit too
maybe a bit too sensitive...I understand you want the recognition and you do the same for him as a stepmom...but at 4 yrs old, they really don't get it. My son didn't get stepdad until he was 5 1/2...I used the term because we married when he was 3 1/2 but he didn't understand what it meant. You have the rest of your life to fill that role, and your wedding is only 2 months away. Try to let it go until then. But don't expect him to know what it means right away. It takes explaining quite a few time for them to fully "get" it.
"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"
At age 4...
I don't think they KNOW what "step" means. I can almost BET that all your SS heard was "MOM"... and he was thinking, YOU ARE NOT MY MOM, and the STEP part didn't even make it to his train of thought.
My SS is 5. I have been with his dad since he was 1. BM makes is VERY clear to him that I am his STEPmom, not his MOM. He will be 6 in 2 months, he has a better understanding of what all of that means. Especially since BM tells him on a very regular basis WHO she is and WHO I am. Insecure YES... uncalled for YES, can we do anything about it?? NOPE! FH and I are not going to be married until the end of August, I guess I was officially blessed with the SM title after about 3 years. That was after MANY MANY times of being called every FOUL name in the book by SS (he was so little, there is only ONE place that those names came from, so no hard feelings toward him!) It will come... he is young and as long as you are doing what is right, he will be comfortable with you, and love you. Try not to let it get to you. If you and your FH have decided that you are ready to be referred to as SM, then ease into it with KIT gloves, little boys are very attached to their mommy's (no matter how crazy and UNfit they are, trust me!). You guys will be just fine!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
I have been in SS 15months since here was 13 days old
BF3 refers to me as ss step mom and even BM has introduced me to people as SS SM. Although I don't want the title of 'MOM' from SS. I do feel that I should be recognised by BF3 and BM and any other adult in SS life as SS SM. As time goes on BF3 and I will explain that we are his "Smith" family which includes grandad smith and nana smith and cousins smith etc (all BF3 family) and that he is lucky cause he has two large loving family us "the smiths' and BM 'the jones.
I dont know the right answer
Maybe the age is the factor. My skids are 14 and 13 and I still don't get the title which caused a huge problem on mother's day. I look at it this way...regardless of me being married to FH yet or not, if I am paying for college, hockey, food, and things to raise these kids, and taking care of them, etc, then I am their SM regardless of any legal crap. If we want to get nitpicky about when it is technically OK to call someone the stepmom, then hold off paying or doing anything more than what a babysitter would do...I think that would change everyone's tune in a hurry!
This is why I am so conflicted about even being in this relationship. I love everyone but I'm getting nothing out of it...no title, no respect at all, and no appreciation. If I have to withhold things I give then what's the point of it all, you know? If I have to try to prove a point to them, why am I even bothering??? There are plenty of men w/o kids and ex-skanks out there...
This whole step thing just hurts my brain most of the time.
exactly
how i feel! couldnt have said it better!
What we tell Sd5 is that
I'm her stepmommy, that I didn't help to "make" her but she is my heart, I love her and she has to respect me. She seems to understand the concept pretty well.
And NO, stepmom was not a word that was part of our vocabulary before we getting married, but then again I wasn't involved with her before getting married(she had just turned 4), we might have said "Gia is gonna be your stepmommy" and afterwards, "you have two mommies, you are sooo especial" etc...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
Mine are older but
they have never called me stepmon. Always my first name but when they introduce me they say this is my Step Mom!
This is fine with me I would rather them call me by my first name! But again they are older. 16 and 14 they were 12 and 14 when I first got with their Dad.
"And this too shall pass..."
Oh yeah
SD5 calls me by my first name as well, but she refers to me as "stepmommy" or "stepmom" to other people... sometimes she says "My Gia"
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's