ok, so wedding is in 1.5 months, mil still not coming. sil's not coming to my shower this weekend, but talked to sil last night she said she was in an accident and cant make it, so i feel better that at least one person from his family loves me.

Last night was the first day of tball. we get to the field at 615, it started at 6. bm had taken ss, even though it was our night, because it is HER SON, i already posted on this matter.

so anyways, we get there and ss starts acting up. he gets shy all of a sudden wont play with the coach and other kids and becomes whiny and keeps running to bm to sit in her lap. bm, had chips and soda, so he kept going over to get stuff. fh goes over gets ss and takes him to catch balls with the rest of the kids. ss4, is not cooperating and acting like a tard. ss goes to bm again and bm bribes him with gum to go back on the base, and then holds his hand to run around the bases.(none of the other parents were doing this!)

when she wasnt with him standing up he was in her lap eating junk. fh leaves me by myself to go get ss to participate, but he would just cling to bm, so basically fh was by bm the whole time and i was just sitting there by myself. I know that if it were up to fh, bm would not exist, he cant stand her, and he was just trying to get ss not to look like an idiot compared to the other kids, but i feel like wtf, if she wants her son to look like an idiot just stand back and dont leave me by myself.

imo, i think fh allows ss to act like an idiot when bm is around and i feel embarrassed that of all the kids, ss was the only one having issues. its like duh, bm you idiot do you see any other kids acting like yours?

ss4 smiled at me and was excited to see me until he saw the look on bm's face and thats when he started acting up. he told fh that he didnt want me to look at him...ss4 always does this. when he gives me a hug goodnight, he makes fh leave the room or not look, if other girls are around like 7-10yo he wont talk to them if im looking. i think its weird but fh thinks ss has a crush. uh ok, weird, right?

anyways, i suggested to fh that she take him on mondays and we take him on wednesdays, because clearly all of us being there was not good for him, and its just tball, its not like its his high school graduation. I feel like too though, we should all be there so he gets use to seeing me and fh not sitting with bm, so it is reinforced that his behavior will not come between fh and i. another part of me thinks, maybe i just shouldnt go, its only an hour, and fh really doesnt communicate with bm weather im there or not, except to try and get ss to stop looking like an idiot.

ugh, im so stressed, my stomach is in knots.

Last night we got home and ss would look at me but not say anything. when we had left the field, he was saying that he wanted to stay with his mom, and she was like oh ill keep him. fh said no took him from her and off we went. anyways, i asked ss a question and he wouldnt answer me, so i said get away from me, if you are going to be rude and not talk to me then get out of my room and leave me alone. he walked back in the living room, and when i came out i told fh that ss wasnt talking to me, ss followed me again but wouldnt talk to me so i told him to go in the living room, he was hurting my feelings and i wasnt going to do anything for a kid who is rude.

he went in his room to watch tv, and came out after 45 minuts, he had peed his pants?! wtf!! he is potty trained, clearly this was a behavior issue! fh does nothing! so last night im asking myself, wtf am i doing? fh is amazing, but with all that i have to offer, why should i have to settle for someone who has a kid?

then this morning, ss says to me as soon as i walk in the kitchen, thank you smnikki for buying me yogert for breakfast, and then he gave me a hug and kiss before i left for work. I was like, my goodness i love that little guy so much! what was i so bothered for...

so im okay, but then at 1130 this morning, fh calls me to say mil wrote him an email and i can read it when i get home, he doesnt want to mis quote it and upset me....so back in to knots i go