as a bm would this bug you?
every morning dh calls bm phone to talk to ss...and when we have him bm calls dh phone to talk to him. the parent he is with puts the phone on speaker and hands him the phone to talk.
a long time ago, bm was really jealous of ss and i bonding and wished that ss and her bf were as close and all of a sudden told ss while he was talking to her, "bf says hi and he misses you, etc..." this was really weird because dh never had done this with ss and never brought me up during calls. bf called my dh the next day because he got the number from bm's phone, and said sorry he had no idea what flew up bm's but that made her say that, he never said anything and most of the time she bitches he agrees with dh....
so for the last 10 months maybe a little longer when dh calls ss to talk, ss will ask to talk to me if im there (we use to have evening calls too) so i would say hello and ask how his day was, etc...he would say see you soon miss you, etc. well i started getting worried when he asked because since bm could hear everything, every time ss asked to talk to me there was always new drama that day or the next because it made her insecure beyond belief.
recently dh and i (not bm in any way) have been working with ss to learn to spell his name and learn other things...ss at 4 can now spell his first and last name, so this morning dh was having ss spell his name on the phone (ss is with bm) and ss did it!! i happened to come down stairs and dh tells ss, spell it again smnikki can hear now. so ss does it and i say, yay! good job!! and walk away, ss then asks to talk to me (hes only asked once to talk to bm's bf, and that was a long time ago) so i say hello, ask if hes getting ready to go, tell him to have a good day, and tell him we can put a good sticker on his activity calender i made him in his room..he gets stickers for learning and behaving and then once he get s a certain number he gets something!! he got so excited and wanted to go on and on, so i just said i had to go to work and i would see him tonight, he then asked if i could pick him up early...but i said i couldnt i had to work all day....
my question is...knowing that bm is standing there listening to us talk...if this was your kid and i was the sm, would it annoy you that when the father calls to talk to the kid, your child asked to talk to sm as well...would you allow it? Is this a way the bm is thinking im over stepping my boundaries?
- smnikki's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
yeah, thats assuming she is
yeah, thats assuming she is intelligent enough to see her sons life is enhanced rather than put her feelings before his
gonna dissent a little and
gonna dissent a little and say that yes, it might make me a little jealous, but that I sure wouldn't discourage it. I'd rather him have that relationship than a bad one. But it can hurt a little to see your child bond with another woman...even one you like & respect.
i can understand this!! i
i can understand this!! i really can!!
and i can understand that bm does get jealous over it...but its ss who is requesting this interaction, i just wish that bm could put ss's feelings above hers for once.
you are right, she should.
you are right, she should. and maybe if it was addressed as being in the best interest of SS, then she'd "get" it better than if she is being told she's just being jealous. No (decent) mom wants to feel that she's selfish, we all want to believe that we are doing what is best for the child. But sometimes anyone might need a little...encouragement in that direction. It kind of depends on her maturity level!
From what I read you ss
From what I read you ss loves you and that is a good thing. BM should put her feelings aside and know that having a good and loving sm is what she should want for her child. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Being a ss is probably the hardest thing I have or will ever do. Not because of the kids so much but because of the bitter bm
I'm sure it would make me
I'm sure it would make me jealous and insecure, especially if I was a BM with a history of jealousy and insecurity. If I was a good mom, however, I would put my child's needs above my own feelings and be grateful that he had such a positive, loving SM in his life.
This BM is entitled to any feelings that come her way, but if she is a good mom, she will see that you are a positive and loving parent in her son's life and keep her mouth shut about it. That's what being a mature adult and good parent is all about. We can have any feelings we want, but the choices we make about how to act on those feelings determine our level of maturity and love for our children...
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde
It has bothered me in the
It has bothered me in the past when EX's girlfriend will talk to my girls on the phone. I don't really talk to SS when he is with his mom, and neither does DH. Just not a routine we ever got in to. When they are with their others, we let them be. There was one time that I was on the phone with my EX regarding our daughters grades. She was giving me a hard time about doing her homework, and I had to call in reinforcement (so to speak). He asked to talk to BD, so I put her on the phone, they chatted.. and then his GF got on the phone. I think the only reason it bothered me was because I was having a hard time with her, and then GF swoops in and sweet talks her in to doing her homework willingly.. of course BD is going to listen to GF... she is only bad for her parents not for daddy's latest GF. (it's not like that really... she is a nice girl, and EX has only had a few GF's since we split, that's just how it felt when it was happening). If it would have been any other situation and BD wanted to talk to her dad's GF, I would have been fine with it. I am glad she loves my girls, and I am glad that they love her.
So, I guess it depends #1 on the situation, and #2 on the relationship between you and the BM.
BM would NEVER let me talk to SS on the phone if we were not on good terms. I did call him 2 weeks go to let him know what baseball team he got on. And I asked BM if she minded that I talked to him real quick about it. She was good with it. But, it was a good day for her... so her moods really play in to it as well.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~
Honest answer: If me and SM
Honest answer: If me and SM didn't get along for whatever reason, I wouldn't like it one bit. However, I would NEVER let my kids know my feelings about it, because I wouldn't want to put that kind of pressure on them to feel like they had to "choose" or to feel like they had to walk on egg shells to not upset me.
I think it's just natural to want the one's that are the closest to us, who we love the most to be loyal to us over the person that we don't particularly like. What defines us though, is our reaction to what we feel. It's ok to feel that...but it's not ok to act on it.
On the other hand...if SM and I got along, then I would actually smile on the inside and out knowing that my child and SM had a good relationship.
___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
It would not (and does not)
It would not (and does not) annoy me to hear my kids talk to their SM. It does not annoy me to to hear them tell her they love her (and vice-versa). I'm grateful that they have a good relationship. And I felt that way long before SM and I became friends.
What WOULD annoy me about the situation that you described is that SS is on a speaker phone. If he's old enough to talk on the phone, he's old enough to hold the phone. A child should be allowed to carry on his/her conversations with their other parent in private. I'd put a stop to that lickety-split.
im not a bm, but I am a sm
im not a bm, but I am a sm to a 6 year old when my fdh calls to speak to his daughter ( on the occasions bm ACTUALLY answers, lately she has not been picking up the phone just to be a b**ch ) she has asked about me or wanted to speak to me and i can hear bm in the background making noises like she disapproves. In the beginning, when fdh was getting back in touch with sd, (long story, short recap: bm wouldnt allow contact for 6 months, which is bull) bm was actually whispering questions to sd to ask fdh about me, asking where I lived, if i lived with him things that a 6 year old wouldnt ask!