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She thinks Daddy should reward him for not so good behavior...

SMIT's picture

Submitted by SMIT on Wed, 05/10/2006 - 2:53pm

I can't believe my SS's mommy told my fiance that he should reward their little boy for less than good behavior! I just have to share this one...

At SS's daycare, they have a color card system to show who has behaved any given day and who hasn't. SS has recently had trouble getting the best behavior color. (He's almost 4 and really exerting independence and arguing "skills.") A few days ago, as an incentive, my finace told him that if he stayed on the best color for two days straight, he'd get a little gift. Well, the dear boy didn't make it and he sobbed to his mommy that he wouldn't getting a present from Daddy because he didn't listen. Last night, the little guy called to tell us he had gotten a good card and we cheered for him. Smile My fiance reminded him that he had to do the same today to get a surprise. Ex-wife then later told my fiance, "You have to give it to him. He cried so hard!"

The best part of this was when my fiance expressed his annoyance to me about her saying that. He knows his little boy is still too young to completely understand how this all works, but he also said, "The kid's aware there's a present on the line. I'm not doing him any favors by giving him a gift if he's not good today."

I feel she's a bit overindulgent with him. I might add that SS's mommy lets him sleep with her instead of making him stay in his own bed because, she says, "It's just so cute when he comes into my room with his blanket in the middle of the night and snuggles into me." We've never let him sleep with us at our house and, funny, little guy never TRIES to sleep with us. He's smart enough to know what will fly at Daddy's & SMIT's house. Wink

Anybody's thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated! Thanks, girls!

SMIT

Comments

happy mom's picture

Submitted by happy mom on Wed, 05/10/2006 - 3:18pm

Stick to the discipline your husband had set up, no sense in making the child confuse on what is right and wrong behavior. Child needs to understand that bad or not so good behavior is not acceptable. Don't fall into obeying the biomom's demands, explain to her the intention of your discplining the child. Hope this helps.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Wed, 05/10/2006 - 5:56pm

I would stick to the punishment/reward that stepson was already told. If dad goes back on it now, it will send a message to his son that he can get away with misbehaving and he will still get a reward.

If stepson can't behave for two days straight, then you might have to adjust it a little. Maybe a much smaller reward for one day of being good. The longer he is good, the bigger the reward. To a point, of course.

Just a thought.

Dawn

smcpaw's picture

Submitted by smcpaw on Thu, 05/11/2006 - 6:00am

Stick to your guns now. The daycare teachers are trying to teach the kids that good behavior is important and if you undo their trying to teach him by rewarding him for bad behavior he won't ever have to obey authority. If he thinks he can cry until he gets what he wants without following the rules, then he is again learning a bad behavior. I remember when my kids were in school - the whole class had to fill a jar with a cotton ball(a cotton ball for everyday the whole class did what the teacher asked and they would lose a cotton ball if someone acted out)and when it was full, they all celebrated by having a "special snack". Good behavior learned early is key! Good luck!