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grocery shopping...

SMIT's picture

Submitted by SMIT on Mon, 08/14/2006 - 11:13am

I need to vent about grocery shopping with my DH. I notice more and more every time we go that he's a little obsessed with getting things that SS would like. And I feel like he talks down to me, almost saying I'm not thinking of SS enough when planning meals. I've pointed this out to him and he doesn't see it. It makes me nuts.

If I'd see my husband put the kind of OOMMPH into us as he does into that little boy, it would be different.

I hate it that I'm probably making my husband look bad and making myself look crazy and/or insecure... but I'm a little "off" today and need to spew this stuff somewhere. Thanks for the support!

SMIT

Comments

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Mon, 08/14/2006 - 11:23am

at least your husband has some kind of opinion as to what to buy. My husband never knows what we should buy. It is all up to me. I do try to buy/cook things that stepson likes for meals up to a point. If stepson is along, he gets to pick a snack out for himself. I don't let him buy a lot of junk.

Bottom line sometimes I would like to be the one who doesn't have to think about what we are buying. Whether it is for stepson or not!!

Dawn

happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Mon, 08/14/2006 - 12:26pm

I have felt the same way.. Going to the grocery store and can you buy this for the SD and SS..
I buy what everyone else wants and likes and my husband does not have to say a word.. I think in some ways we want to be first in our husbands lives and it seems that most of the time it is the kids who are first.. And that is ok. I think its ok to be a little jealous.. That is what makes us human. For people who are bio parents think back to being with the father of your children, it was way different at least for me.. When I was married with my kids it was all about my kids all the time I guess that is why we are not together.. I do not want to say I did not care about him I just didn't put as much into him as I did my kids. Now I have to put everyone up there. I love my husband now and my kids.. And I know I still get a litte jealous every blue moon.. But then just think to the road ahead.. Kids do not like to be with there parents at all because yuck sets in.
Do you have a good relationship with your SS? I am just curious..

SMIT's picture

Submitted by SMIT on Mon, 08/14/2006 - 12:48pm

Thanks, Happy, for your note. It's nice to get some affirmation that I'm NOT awful for feeling jealous sometimes. We've been together almost two years and married for three months and it's bad when I'm overly sensitive to SS being "first" or my wonderful, sweet, adoring and adorable husband is putting sooooooo much emphasis on SS... look out when both happen at once! Wink

SS and I have a good relationship... but he's 4 years old and fickle. Sometimes, I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread and other times, it feels like he'd be happy to not see me ever again. He was only 2-1/2 when I came on the scene and he has no memory of his mommy and daddy ever being married and living together, so that's an advantage.

I try to remind myself that he won't always be this little and there's a future that's more centered on my husband and me. But I can't help wishing, just as you put it, that I want to be first in his life... and that's never going to be the case. I wouldn't trade my husband for anything. He really is my one true love and I'm his. I'm just having a rough couple of days!

happy's picture

Submitted by happy on Mon, 08/14/2006 - 1:03pm

I have been trying to convince myself to be brutally honest. I am not sure if it is my age or not.
But its true we all want to be that magical person in there life.. I know for me I want my husband to forget about his past all the time. But he has two kids with her.. SO that will never happen. So I think that I just want to give him the happiest today and tomorrow and future ever. I think we all have a fear of them thinking of that past.
So hang in there. Hes 4 now. I know when my ex SS was 4 that is when I came into his life and to this day when I see him I tell him that I still love him and everything and he was that little fickle 4 year old you are talking about but now he is 17.. WOW and a terrific kid..I would like to think I played part in that.. SO have some patience and remind yourself you are human.. Jealousy is normal. Everyone is jealous of something unless you are GOD....
You will get thru this...

happy mom's picture

Submitted by happy mom on Wed, 08/16/2006 - 7:46pm

I could understand when he says to plan meals catered to daughter. I do that w/my husband. However, he shouldn't have to say it in a nasty way to you. Tell him how you feel about it when he talks to you that way. If you have trouble trying to figure out what daughter likes to eat, then have your husband cook on the days daughter is over. Or if child is w/you all the time, make a list of stuff daughter likes to eat. In my house, we would try to cook one dish and if I have to separate the veggies so that daughter could eat I do that. It's pretty challenging when meals have to done separately to satisfy everyone.