Help: Feeling confused
I am a stepmom to two kids, sd6 and ss13. They recently moved in and tensions have been higher than normal between DH and myself. I am also a biomom to 3 boys. 18 and twins11. The twins are both into sports and recently we've had a game or practice almost every night between the two of them. ExH and I get along years after a tumultuous divorce. He and I have been spending a lot of time together because of the boys' games and it's stirring up some old feelings of how easy we used to laugh and how natural it was for us to know what the other was thinking before we said it out loud. Before we let the stress of small kids/money/schedule conflicts get in the way and grow too big before we addressed the problem. He and I were married for 10 years and so there are a lot of memories that we share. My DH and I have been married for 2 1/2 and we have no children together. Help articulate to my brain that these are just feelings of nistalgia because DH and I are feeling some distance the last 6 months. And please tell me I'm not a horrible person. I would NEVER act on these confusing feelings.
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I don't think you are a
I don't think you are a horrible person.
You and your ex now get along, and are spending time together because of the kids, so you are experiencing what it might have been like, had you been able to work things out. You have familiarity with him, kids with him, and at the same, you are feeling a bit overwhelmed with your current husband's baggage and the drama it brings.
Things are currently peaceful with your ex, not so peaceful with DH and his ex and kids.
You're not horrible, just
You're not horrible, just human. You were married to this man for 10 years and I'm sure it wasn't always ALL that bad....You both shared some good memories and created children together. The positive is that you acknowledge this and are not acting on it. When you feel the emotion, feel it and just let it go. At the end of the day you know where your heart is.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Thanks
Thanks ya'll,
I've been feeling guilty about it because I felt like I was emotionally cheating on my husband and my EX has no freaking clue! And I think you are right, it does make me wonder what if we could have worked it out. For the first time in almost 6 years it makes me sad we didn't try harder.
This makes me sad. I was
This makes me sad. I was having similar feelings before my first husband passed away last year. You wonder how things could have been and how simple life would have been without all of the step hell stuff.
Depressing.
I wouldnt brush your feelings
I wouldnt brush your feelings off. What if you could work things out and get out of stephell. Ive never considered going back with my ex because well he cheated on me and stayed with the girl until he died but I do remember him coming over to hang out with the kids and the 4 of would hang out and laugh and to this day I've never laughed with my husband the way I used to laugh with my ex. My son age 23 has his dad's laugh and he didnt even know it, actually I never even really realised it until after he passed away and we were laughing with my brothers who were VERY close with my ex and I was thinking I can almost hear T laughing with us...it was my son.
I get what you're saying
My ex and I were together for 10+ years. We had a bunch of shared experiences and we have a child together. We also get along. I would never go back to him because of the reasons we got divorced, but I, too, have noticed how much easier it is to talk to him about a thing than talk to my DH (and we've been together for almost 10 years). Now, maybe it's because XH and I don't have to live with each other that there's a layer of obligation gone and it makes things easier. I don't know.
My dad says he misses having my mom to talk to about us kids. Not that he wants to get back together, but just because she was there and would know right away what he was talking about.