When BM continues to baby them? Maybe it's because I am NOT their mother but I have no desire to constantly take care of them and clean up after them like BM does. BM still dresses them both every day, picks up all their toys and put them away, cleans up after them, bathes them, gets them in and out of the car and even still carries SS5.

We have 50/50 EOW with SS5 and SS7. So they are here enough to be annoying. I know that we will not be able to 'fix' them completely but it would be nice if they realized that when they are at our house it's different, especially now that DH and I are trying to have a baby.

I told DH that some things have to change and we have made some head way but it never seems to last, it's like they forget some times. Sadly SS5 is more independent than SS7 and he supposedly has Autism. A teacher and a Therapist have both told us that SS7 is very immature for his age, and SS5 is behind socially as well. I think part of it is that BM doesn't make them take responsibility for their actions.

I don't dress them, I help them pick out clothes that match and lay them out for them but them I have to leave the room or SS5 will just sit there and wait to be dressed, but if I leave he dresses himself just fine. SS7 insist that he can't have tie shoes because he can't tie them but both boys just jam their shoes on with out unstrapping them any way - and I make them take them off and do it right.

SS7 always complains come Sunday when DH and I tell them to pick up all the toys, they say they can't do it and even tells us that BM usually does it for them. I have suggested putting things away when he is done with them instead of leaving them in the middle of the floor but that will never happen. We always just tell them they can't go to BM's until the room is clean. I also pick up the toys left in the family ares at the end of the night and throw them on the floor in their bedroom or toy room. I love having doors, so the mess doesn't bother me.

The other day we asked SS7 to make his bed and he told me that he couldn't because it's a bunk bed. I told him that if I could climb up there and do it then so can he. I told DH that I was going to start making them do that every morning in the summer, I would start now but it already takes them way too long to get ready to go to school. I am hoping by next fall they have it pretty much down.

When they spill they both just stand there and yell that they spilled , maybe request a napkin, I make them go get a towel and clean it up. I also make them clear their own plates at dinner.

DH and I make them wash themselves in the bath tub, SS7 hates it and whines all the time. He is so afraid to get water in his eyes.

When we go somewhere I help them get in the car and shut the door but I will sit in the drive way for several minutes waiting on them to buckle themselves in and I have left the sitting in the car (at home) a few times because they were waiting on me to unbuckle them.

I am a very small woman and I can't physically pick SS5 up, I haven't been able to pick him up since he was 3. When I am mad at him I can carry him a few feet to his bed for a time out. But he has gotten over that and no longer begs me to carry him, he walks very well by himself.

I told DH that I was worried about how a baby might affect the situation. The sKids are selfish and I don't think hey will be able to understand that the baby has needs. I told him the other day how I sat down in the chair with my cat only to be interrupted by ss7, 3 times in about a 20 minute span, because he needed something. How am I supposed to breast feed? Not one of the request were urgent but when I asked him to wait a minute (to test him) he literally waited about a minute before asking again.

I am open to other suggestions, I mean I think I am on the right path but it seems to be taking longer than I would hope, been with them for almost 3 years and I pretty much started on day one. And no BM isn't going to change, DH has tried to tell her to knock it of but she just agrees then does whatever.

Also are there any good books/articles about having a baby with SKids in he house? I am not saying baby should be treated special because it's mine, I want to try to be far but baby is going to have special baby needs.