is it appropriate? What do I do now?
is it appropriate for BM to get FSM something for Mother's day? When BM dropped off the boys yesterday she left a framed picture. I found it and asked BF what it was, of course he didn't know. It said happy mother's day. BF txt'ed BM and asked who it was for and she said 'me' duh! BF was like well I am not getting BM's man anything for father's day. I told him that he shouldn't and I didn't think that it was appropriate for BM to get me something for mother's day. You can tell that she didn't spend much on it, it's a cheap looking frame and a 8 by 10 montage of images that look like they came from a camera phone (small images). BF was/is planning on getting me something for mother's day (from the boys) even though I told him he didn't have to because I don't have any kids of my own, so I am not REALLY a mother. 
But I think any Mother's day gift for me should come from BF not BM. Am I wrong? Does anyone else think that is weird for her to do that? And what should I do with it?
The witch in me wants to mail it back to her. I am not hanging it up because two of the pics have her in them and I refuse to have a picture of her in 'my' house (maybe that was her plan to get 'back into the house', she sent a 'family' photo over with SS5 once - her, her faience and the boys - but we sent it back) I thought about 'replacing' or covering those two images that have her in them and putting it someplace for the boys to see it. But it's not going anything where people can see it because it looks cheap.
I am also half tempted to make one for her I have pics of me and the kids too you know! For Christmas I made her a DVD with videos and pictures in video form (i refuse to give her any more printed or digital pictures of the boys because I took them with my camera and think she uses them/claims them because she doesn't have a good camera or any good pictures)
She also got me something for my birthday last Nov, but SS5 told me that he picked it out of Mommy's gift drawer. BF told me that BM always kept a box of gifts the people have given her that she didn't want and she would give them away to other people - so yeah I got a re-gift! I got an ugly wallet from her with 2 pics of the boys for xMas (probably a re-gift as well). All of which I am putting in the yard sale this spring. And I told BF to tell her not to get me anything (this year) because it's never something I like or want (accept I do like pics of the kids but hers all come from her cell phone so they look grainy)
On the plus side ever since I have stopped talking to her and started avoiding her she has been trying so hard to be nice to me, but I am not falling for it. I know the minute I start being 'nice' to her she will turn on me again. Not that I am being 'mean' to her. But she wants everyone to like her. I don't and I am not acting like I do. I am not going to pretend that I do because this seems to be working really well for me.
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>>And what should I do with
>>And what should I do with it?<<
You don't have to actually do anything with it. Personally, I would throw it away because I try not to keep unwanted clutter in my home. It's a gift, so do with it what you want.
I read that thread (can't
I read that thread (can't remember if it was a forum post or blog), too. It's a precarious situation because BM may be under the impression that SM likes her while SM is actually only being civil. Unless there is overt evidence that BM is actually trying in some way to underhandedly undermine you, you should graciously accept it - and then throw it away if you don't like it. Don't tell the skids, who will then report back to mom that you threw it away. Instead of viewing it as some kind of needling, re-frame the situation as her extending the proverbial olive branch. If the skids ask about the picture, say you put it up someplace.
P.s. I'm guessing the skids either share a room or have their own, what would have been so horrible about letting them keep a pic of their mom in their room?
I'm going to add to my
I'm going to add to my earlier post by saying there is no way my DH would have a framed photo of his ex, even though his kids are in the photo as well, in our home. He would have probably beaten me to the trash can.
I'd just say 'thank you' and
I'd just say 'thank you' and go on about my business. Be thankful you have a BM who thinks of you as a mother to her children when they're in your home, instead of running down everything about you. No sense making a mountain out of a molehill...
I didn't realize the pics had
I didn't realize the pics had her in them.. my bad. What I meant about making a mountain out of a molehill was the mailing them back to her or something like that.. Seems like that could be the reaction she's looking for anyway. You never really know with BM's.. they're women, you know.
I'd still probably just throw it away and act like it didn't bother me.
To add and comment... I
To add and comment...
I honestly don't know how BM feels about me. It changes daily. She has does everything from threaten me psychically, emotional and legally to stuff like buying me gifts and sending me friendly txts. Since I don't know what I am going to get with her i have been avoiding her since mid - February (the last time she threatened me). She is how ever one of those people that wants everyone to like her, so when she says or does something to hurt you she wants you to forgive her, which she has asked me to do but I don't believe in forgive and forget. But I think it's safe to say that we don't feel that same way about each other.
As for having pictures of her in our house there are two reasons that will never happen. One - She divorced BF, He wanted to work it out but she had given up and moved on (started dating FSD 2 weeks after divorce) so she broke his heart. He doesn't want to see her in person, let alone in pictures. Two - She has threatened me a few times and tried to break us up (a few times) so I sure the heck don't want to see her and medically I shouldn't see her, I have an Anxiety issue and it makes me 'sick' to be reminded of her existence. The boys do have their own rooms and as soon as they are old enough to clean up after themselves (without help) and I don't have to go in there - then they can hang up whatever they want
I just don't want to have to see it and neither does BF.
Plus BM is either evil or has horrible timing. The 'family' photo showed up at the house just days after BF found out that BM told the boys to call FSD 'Super Dad' and he was in the photo. It was also around the time that SS5 said that he was getting a 'new' dad. It just struck a nerve and it had to go.
The picture is not staying, I am just undecided on it's fate. It's all in how evil I want to be. My friend said to mail it back to her and say nothing. Tossing it out sounds good too. Part of me doesn't want to be wasteful - I am an artist so I might be able to use the frame for something. Maybe it just needs to be taken apart and reassembled
I thought about tweaking it and giving it back to her as part of her Mother's day present.
It is in their divorce though that BF has to buy her a gift (from the boys) for mother's day, birthday and xmas. But she has to do the same for him. It's just weird right now because the boys are 3 and 5 so it feels like YOU are getting her something. But getting me something is NOT in the divorce and it's not really needed.
"It is in their divorce
"It is in their divorce though that BF has to buy her a gift (from the boys) for mother's day, birthday and xmas. But she has to do the same for him."
That is one of the most effed up things I have ever heard.. lol.
Tell me about it and it's
Tell me about it and it's never something that either of them want. Why it got put in there is beyond me.
Update! She txt'ed me. So I
Update! She txt'ed me.
So I just got a txt from BM, inviting me over to a 'girls' night at her house on Friday. She added "if I wanted to bury the hatchet and join them" Sadly I have heard the hatchet thing before and trust me it got buried alright - into my back!
I am SO not going - but this has to be like the 3rd txt from her that I have ignored this month. It's starting to tick me of that she doesn't get it - I don't want to be her friend and I do not trust her. Plus I am not the social butterfly that she is and I would much rather spend that night with BF and the boys.
LOL oh they really think
LOL oh they really think we're desperate for their friendship, don't they? So silly.
If I were you, I would just
If I were you, I would just text her back and say, "Thanks for the invite, , but due to our past, I would prefer to keep our relationship polite and professional rather than be friends". And leave it at that. If she doesn't get it, you might just have to tell her straight up. Maybe then she'll stop texting you.
I was bad and I snapped I did
I was bad and I snapped I did text her back.
I may have just start WW3
I told her...
"We tried the hatchet thing once and I don't feel like digging it out of my back again. I don't like you. Stop txting me, esp at work unless it's an emergency."
She said "Not a problem"
But I hope she gets the message now. I am sure she will call BF and complain but he knows it's coming. He is going to tell her that I am entitled to my feelings and she hasn't exactly been an saint to me.
We do need to keep it polite and professional but it doesn't say any where that I have to like her or be her friend.
Love it! There was no room
Love it! There was no room for misinterpretation in your response, and now she will most likely leave you the hell alone!
Love.it.