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IEP meetings - go or not go?

SisterNeko's picture

Submitted by SisterNeko on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 11:58am

SS4 has IEP meeting Tuesday, FDH has been hinting that he would like me to go and it says in the meeting guide to bring anyone you feel is 'important' and has an active role with SS4 and may provide insight. As much as I want to help SS4, I really don't want to see BM. The sound of her voice makes me want to vomit.

Now the last time I went to anything I asked a few questions and BM flipped out but her hubby went to the last parent teacher conference (and I did not), so... He might got to this one as well. Though it doesn't bother FDH that he goes, he should go but he never has anything to say. Honestly her hubby acts like he doesn't care/was made to go for show.

I have questions/concerns but I have been going over them with FDH so he can ask them. the issues is that FDH tends to get stuck on ONE topic and repeats himself a million times then they run out of time, If I were there to maybe tell him - you already said that, twice. lol

I am so not sure what to do. Thoughts? Maybe we should ask the teacher?

Going would also mean finding a sitter.

Comments

IAmALady77's picture

Submitted by IAmALady77 on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 12:09pm

Have your FDH talk to the teacher about getting seperate conferences for you/him and BM/her hubby. your SS is only 4 and this will probably become the norm (think parent teacher conferences in the future) so its best to set a precedent now. Thats our plan anyway when SD is older and in those situations Smile

dgb's picture

Submitted by dgb on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 12:16pm

I agree with IAmALady77. I would tell your FDH to request a separate conference for the two of you. Having two ex's in the same room will create too much tension in the room and what needs to be said and discussed will be overshadowed by the tension. Plus, with separate conferences, your FDH and yourself will be able to give an accurate impression of yourselves to the counselor/teacher. It is very difficult to focus on the child when you have two people in the same room who are supposed to be discussing their concerns, but can only focus on how much they hate each other.

LilyBelle's picture

Submitted by LilyBelle on Fri, 05/25/2012 - 1:32pm

This is excellent advice!

I am a special needs teacher and have done many IEP meetings.

If you and your DH plan for you to be an integral part in the child's life, it probably is a good idea that you be there, but because of the animosity with BM, having advocacy is a great idea.

Let the teacher know that the reason for the advocate is not a bad reflection on the school or the services provided (many times when someone requests advocacy, it's because they have issue with the school, and you don't want to cause your teacher undue stress.) It's also a good idea to communicate any concerns ahead of time, because usually the teacher prepares a draft IEP ahead of time to address concerns.... so better if your concerns are already addressed in the draft.

Peace!