Crazy Bio Mom
Based on the title I'm sure most will think I'm about to bash the SO's ex...and trust me she is crazy but this is actually about my crazy BM! I'm just curious how many others on this site have a crazy BM themselves and how that has impacted your life/perspective on your current situation?!?! My parents divorced when I was around 10 and I have never used being a COD as an excuse to act like an ahole. My mom dated a lot after my parents divorced and my dad not so much (or maybe he just hid it instead of introducing us to people that weren't marriage material). Anyways, my mom remarried when I was an adult but she dated my stepdad while I was in HS. I am sure that I caused my step dad many grey hairs but I never did anything intentionally to drive him crazy or try to break them up. I liked him. I always viewed him as added support and my dad never bashed him. Now comes in the crazy BM part. My mom was so controlling when I was younger that I chose to live with my dad (I have 2 brothers) but we got to make that decision and I still did EOW with mom. My mom moved 3 hours away right after my youngest brother graduated. I've never been really close with her. I guess I'm realizing now that my mom was/is exactly like my SD's crazy BM. My mom would always bash my dad (while also saying that she doesn't talk bad about him in front of us). Okay, maybe she didn't call him names but she definitely implanted ideas in our heads about him and made it out like he was a bad dad because he worked a lot (he was a farmer at the time). She also flipped out when my dad married my stepmom (at this point my parents had been divorced forever). I was 26 when my dad remarried and at that time she would implant in my head that he cared more about his "new family" - all of my stepmom's children were grown and out of the house as well as my dad's children. She would also claim that some land he had bought when they were together was meant to go to us not his new wife and her kids - like he was going to leave us nothing in his will. Anyways, I really didn't realize how much negative/false information she was feeding me until I was older and of course now dealing with SD's crazy BM. My mom was so upset about my dad remarrying so many years later and worried about us liking our new stepmom that she made me believe my stepmom was a bad person when my stepmom is truly a very caring person.
Thankfully despite my mom's BS I have a good relationship with my stepmom (at least I think, lol). I just wonder if SD will at some point realize how crazy her mom is also?!?! I think it is good for my stepmom that she met my dad later in life b/c if she had married my dad when we were younger my mom surely would have made her life VERY difficult!
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My best friend has a crazy
My best friend has a crazy BM. None of her children see her regularly and she has 7. Once a year my best friend begs me to go see her with her. Two won't speak to her at all. It took them to about age 25 that it wasn't normal to buy your kids alcohol and treat them like besties. Thankfully, my best friend and her sister (who I am also close to) are successful people.
Yeah, if none of your kids
Yeah, if none of your kids want to visit you then you are probably a little coo coo! My mom didn't buy us alcohol...she was more of the opposite extreme being overbearingly protective! I'm just happy for my stepmom that she didn't have to deal with that situation when we were younger!
I think my mom is/would be a
I think my mom is/would be a crazy BM.
My parents divorced about 2 years ago now (I'm 28), and my dad remarried about 1 year ago.
My mom for the longest time would call and cry/complain/unload about my dad.
There are some things that I don't like how my dad handled, but that's not my business, and I do truly believe my dad is a good person and has/had no intent to screw over my mother.
I think some of my other siblings have trouble not letting my mom's crazy sink in a bit, but they all do still have decent relationships with my dad.
Had my parents divorced when I was still a kid, I fully believe that my mom would be a full blown crazy BM and attempt (maybe not consciously) to PAS us out.
Yes, my mom does this still,
Yes, my mom does this still, calls and complains/cries about my dad. She remarried long before he did and they divorced over 20 years ago at this point. Oh and then she cries about how he "tries to make up for it now" because he helps me and my brother out now. She is jealous that he can help us and she can't and somehow that makes him bad?!?! Plus she tries to make me feel guilty by saying things like, "I was a good mom, I don't know why you like your dad better!" (I have never told her I like him better) It drives me crazy. I just don't answer when she calls 1/2 the time because it gives me anxiety.
I also agree that my dad wasn't perfect but she shouldn't still be dwelling on this or complaining to me about it! My brothers feel the same!
I'm pretty sure my mom was on the PAS path when we were younger and sadly I believe she really felt it was in our best interest
My cousin had a crazy BM.
My cousin had a crazy BM. Don't know much about her because when I was 3 this woman (who was married to my uncle), decided that she hated all of us and after some big meltdowns we didn't see her or my uncle or my cousin again until my grandmother's funeral 7 years later. My mother was friendly with her when she first married into the family and my mother still doesn't know what made this woman lose her sh$t at the whole family. We all lived in the same small town, so it's not like it wasn't awkward when my cousin and I were in high school together and didn't really know one another. I think this woman stuck around because she wanted the money my uncle for his inheritance, because they divorced shortly after my grandmother died.. I don't know all the details, but after her parents divorced, my cousin moved in with my uncle. She still talked to her mother and her mother babysits her child, but last year my uncle died. We recently found out that since then, my cousin has not spoken to her mother at all in over a year. It gives me hope that eventually, crazy BMs get what's coming to them.
Wow! That is an awkward
Wow! That is an awkward situation and sad that you and your cousin lived close to each other with no relationship because of it.
I tell my SO all the time that BM will get her karma b/c SD will start to see her crazy and want to distance herself and she will realize SO isn't a bad dad just b/c he didn't do what BM wanted all the time. At least that is my hope. I know that is what happened in my situation. However, SD is a lot more like her mom already so I might be wrong
My exMIL is crazy, luckily
My exMIL is crazy, luckily when we divorced I didn't have to deal with her anymore either.
For the most part, I ignored her and her crazy antics. Luckily she lived in another province and so we didn't see her unless we went out of our way to do so.
When I was pregnant with my oldest, my Mom and I took a trip out her way to visit other relatives. We spent the day with her and all she did was drill me for information about her exhusband (of over 25 years) and what he and his new wife (of over 20 years) were up to.
Where they still living in the same place, did they have a new car, what had they bought for the baby I was having, had we visited them or them us? So Much Crap!
My Mom and I couldn't wait to get away from her.
Never once did she ask how I was, how the pregnancy was going, if we wanted a boy or a girl, nothing but intel about her ex!
Oh and that we should give her our old car (we were buying a caravan with the baby on the way), then she could drive out to see us.
UM, no.
When her daughter was married 20 years ago we all had to keep it quiet because she wasn't invited to the wedding.
She's never met her 2 grandchildren from her daughter and has only spent minimal time with my children and her one other granddaughter.
None of her children talk to her anymore.
It's a perfect example of karma coming home to roost and she deserves every bit of it.
Ahh, your trip sounds like my
Ahh, your trip sounds like my encounters with my mom (why I hardly answer the phone when she calls). She will go on and on about all her medical problems (all in her head I believe after so many tests and still no answers). Then she will complain about my dad and my siblings/step siblings...she will ask how I am doing but before I can even answer she will go on about herself some more and then complain about more and then finally if I am lucky hang up. I barely even get a word in.
I also just don't understand why she is still so hung up on my dad and my stepmom after all this time. I do hope this is what happens to my SD's SM though! LOL! Sadly the crazy BM I deal with is much like my actual BM :O
Oh yes! Always about her,
Oh yes! Always about her, her, her.
We got a Christmas letter from her the year our youngest was born. It was a typed out formal, this is what my year has been like, letter that she mass mailed out to everyone.
Two full pages of closely typed crap about her year, her trips, her problem digesting lobster "But its such a treat how could I say no?", her lack of a car, her horrible job, on and on it went.
Then hand written at the bottom "My number one son had his number two son this year, such a blessing"
That was it, no name or birth date, nada.
I checked with some other family members because I wanted to know if she'd only written it on our letter. Seems she added it to all of them and everyone was just as appalled as I was.
One aunt laughed and said "Don't worry dear, that's the only part I read. I knew it would be the only part that wasn't about her."
BM here is also very much like her. Very self centred and very insecure. However, she was a good mom, over bearing and controlling but her kids love her and she truly loves them.
BM is also very hung up on DH and I. She never thought that DH would ever love another woman. She thought he'd pine away for her for the rest of his life. It makes her crazy that we have this wonder love and life while she struggles to find a good man. Never in a million years would she think that she's the problem, not the men.
Sorry, just saw this
Sorry, just saw this response. Do you get notifications of new responses? I don't. Maybe I have settings wrong or something
Ha, that sounds like something my mom would do. I love my mom but I really wish she would see a therapist. One time she was acting particularly crazy on fb and both my step sister and I (because we actually care) suggested she see a therapist. OMG, end of world there, she went on to tell my step dad that we were being mean to her and blocked us on fb. Then someone in the town they lived in asked my step dad what was up with her weird posts and he realized she was being crazy on there....still didn't get her the help I believe she needs.
The BM I deal with is also very much like this. Controlling and super insecure. I see her doing all kinds of things my mother used to do. I think it will likely cause SD to eventually rebel against her (as I did my mom). I could be wrong though b/c SD is a lot like her and she might just PAS out with BM. Guess only time will tell.