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why do I have to be supermom?

Auberry2's picture

Ok, maybe it is just me, but I don't feel it is fair when a stepmom, any stepmom, is expected by the family to come in and br super mom for the stepkids. My cad's family expected this of my stepmom, and I was grown when my dad remarried. My mother is mentally ill and didn't do the greatest job as a mom, and my step mom was literally e pected to come in and be our mom. I was 21, a little past the raisin.g stage. Those expectations caused a lot of unnecessary conflict. Now I find myself in that situation. SS's mom is neglectful, unfit, and everyone, my family, his family, even ppm I work with, expect me to come in and be supermom for him, to replace his mother be literally everything. Of course, all of these expectations come from ppl who have never dealt with stepkids before. It is just so frustrating. I can't replace his mom, no matter how unfit she is. BM is his mom and he will be loyal to her, no matter how much she ignores ans neglects him.

Stepmom156's picture

I completely understand. It is frustrating and hard to watch the kids go through their biological mother treating them like crap. Hang in there and good luck.

workinthruthetoughstuff's picture

It is a difficult place to be in. I am glad that you see it. When I was thrown into a similar situation I did not see it. I tried to make everyone happy. It worked for a little while, but in the end I wasn't happy, SD17 wasn't happy and eventually the rest placed blame on my shoulders. You can only do what you think is right and what you feel comfortable doing. Everyone else can respect that or suck it. Good luck to you.

fruststepmama's picture

By definition, you can't replace his mom. His definition of mom was made from her personality and actions, and he's a child so he has no objective measure of what a parent should be. So no matter how "perfect" of a mom you are to him, he will still identify with BM.