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Hitting at school

Siferra's picture

Submitted by Siferra on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 5:08pm

SS6 has been hitting at school for the last 3 weeks. He is in a special class for delayed students, so the teachers are used to behavior problems like this, but it’s getting so frustrating.

He is not very verbal and resorts to gestures and tapping a lot to communicate. We have been working on this a ton, but DH can sometimes forget and respond to a gesture, like SS pointing at his milk rather than asking for it. At school the teachers say he’ll tap another student and if that student doesn’t immediately respond he’ll tap harder and harder until he is hitting the kid. It’s not malicious, but he HAS to stop.

We take away privileges at home like movies and computer time. When he asks to play on the computer we say “No, because you hit at school today. You don’t get to play on the computer when you hit.” He seems really sad at the time, but the next day he gets another report that says he’s hitting.

This is the first major behavioral problem we’ve had when he’s not around us. Usually we’re able to immediately discipline and the problem goes away soon enough. I feel like we’re smacking the nose of a puppy hours after it chewed a toy and he’s not backing the connection between the behavior and the punishment. But I’m not sure what else to do.

Comments

newbiemommy's picture

Submitted by newbiemommy on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 5:27pm

Unfortunately this is a teacher issue. Sad I feel for ss. This is VERY normal for kids who have trouble verbalizing. Really punishment at home is probably not going to do ANYTHING. The teacher holds asl the power in this situation. When this happens she should take both kids aside and first have ss apologize for hitting but then talk it out with the children. Child hit we will call tim. "Ss you should not hit when you are frustrated. I'm sorry you weren't feeling listened to. Tim, ss was just trying to get your attention. Ss what did you want?" And resolve the issue by working it out. Getting in trouble will only add to frustration and make him feel more unheard. Also when he does communicate teacher needs to see that and praise it and reward it. "WOW ss didn't that work great when you asked for the crayon." I hope this issue gets worked out. Honestly though I know it will only get worse if he continues to feel unheard at school. I'm studying to be a developmental physiologist and unfortunately many teachers out there just don't give kids the tools to successfully learn communication. I hope this helped and didn't offend. Feel free to come to mgr for an opinion any time. I won't always be right or have something that will work for you but I can always give you something. Smile

Siferra's picture

Submitted by Siferra on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 5:42pm

Thanks for the reply. You're totally right - this is something the teacher needs to be addressing.

Honestly, DH and BM leave me out of the school talks too much. I know they both like his teacher, and that she is trained to work with this kind of class, but I have no idea what she does to deal with the situations.

Argh.

newbiemommy's picture

Submitted by newbiemommy on Wed, 09/07/2011 - 5:50pm

Not good. You need to be involved too. You sound like you are on the right track though!! Hopefully DH can listen to you and understand his son needs a teacher that is more than just someone they like. And being trained to deal with kids some mean she's doing the right thing for your ss. He needs to understand that. Ultimately the parents and step parents have to agree on how situations are being handled.