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Shugamuma's picture

Submitted by Shugamuma on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 1:05am

I am in quite a pickle , I see certain things that goes on in my household. I believe in discipline for my child when she does wrong. She does not get discipline every-time she does something wrong only when it's major such as lying. I have been married three years now and my stepson and my daughter are the same age. My husband really does not discipline his son unless I throw a major fit about it. The kids both have cell phones one way I discipline my daughter is take hr cell phone and take all electronic devices from her for a week. Well my stepson done something he shouldn't have last week he took his phone and his computer for less than 24 hours and then gave them back. My husband goes to the grocery store and when he gets snacks for the kids he makes sure he grabs two for his son and one for my daughter. I don't want to seem petty but my daughter has brought this to my attention and it bothers me. My husband don't tell me when there is something going on with our son like he's staying late after school, he's going to his moms on Friday or the coach is taking them out for pizza after the game. So I am stuck worrying where he is until I finally get in contact with my husband to ask him. The only thing my husband tells me is that I need to pick our son up from practice. I feel used. The kids have to bathe by 8:30pm and in the bed by 9 he intentionally allows our son to stay in the basement watching tv with him to well past 9 sometimes 9:30 then he has to get a bath.
Our son is 12 and he has allergy problems so I sit Benadryl in his room for him to take before he goes to bed to help him with his allergies. He does not take it instead he is dependent on his dad to come in his room every night and give home the pill by mouth. I don't understand what happen to making him responsible? The way is allergies is when they attack him he wakes the entire house up with the noises. My husband also enables our son because he was afraid of the dark so long he has it in his head that our son is afraid of the dark. I have the kids to close their doors at night and my husband intentionally goes in our son's room just to open the door. Is it me? I don't want to be a pest
Last year our son road the school bus and he was appointed patrol boy of the bus so our son got smart with one of the boys and the boy said something back to him our son came home told my husband ,and my husband took him to school the rest of the year. Both of our kids had to be at the same bus stop her school was not far from his school but he did not take my daughter...Am I wrong? Please help me stop the nonsense in my head.

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Shugamuma's picture

Submitted by Shugamuma on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 2:48pm

Oh how I appreciate the warm and inviting welcome. This is very hard to deal with. Every time I speak with my husband about it he flys off the handle becomes very defensive and will not talk to me for hours and in the past sometimes days. I have suffered so much verbal abuse from his previous son that use to live with us until 2011. He was allowed to talk to me any kind of way did not respect me and told his younger brother the one I am referring to in my initial post that he did not have to listen to me because I was not his mother. I moved in with them after we were married from a mother state , while we were dating things seem to be fine. I moved all of my things in suggested that we paint the interior of the house because it was way past due. I started redecorating but I noticed how it was affecting the son who has now moved out so I would make sure I included him on the ideas especially since he was here before I was. This boy caused all sorts of problems for me and even raised his hand up at me. This happened after I told the younger son not to go outside without permission because I am responsible for his care. He brother told him he did not have to listen to me. Their dad was not home I called him on the phone and told him I was done it is over I will no longer be disrespected by you or your children. I was frying some chicken and the son that is now moved out came on the kitchen yelling at me and cursing me out well I thought the phone was completely hung up turns out his dad heard the entire conversation. He rushed home and that was the end. He put his 19 year son out of the house and for a year we did not hear from him .they are now repairing their relationship.
I fear a repeat from our younger son because he does not discipline him and allows him to get away with everything I really try to traipse both of our children the best I can but it must be equal across the board.

Shugamuma's picture

Submitted by Shugamuma on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 4:21pm

I am trying to shake the matter of saying my daughter since it was recently brought to my attention (appreciated) but the fact ISO feel that he does not treat my biological child as if she is his own . Our daughter does see favoritism and has brought it to my attention more than once and even has brought it to his attention he says she is being a drama queen but the fact is I really don't think so. I don't have a problem with us discipline our own child the problem is he does not discipline our son . I go through counseling for other issues and I bring this up along with other issues and the counselors suggest that maybe my husband should have a seat on the couch.

Shugamuma's picture

Submitted by Shugamuma on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 4:21pm

I am trying to shake the matter of saying my daughter since it was recently brought to my attention (appreciated) but the fact ISO feel that he does not treat my biological child as if she is his own . Our daughter does see favoritism and has brought it to my attention more than once and even has brought it to his attention he says she is being a drama queen but the fact is I really don't think so. I don't have a problem with us discipline our own child the problem is he does not discipline our son . I go through counseling for other issues and I bring this up along with other issues and the counselors suggest that maybe my husband should have a seat on the couch.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 5:19am

You keep saying our son when speaking about the boy but only my daughter when referring to the girl. :?

Maybe it will be best for each of you to handle your own child.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 5:46am

^^this. why is his son your responsibility, but your daughter is yours alone? and, if you do consider him your son, you should be allowed to parent him the same as you do your daughter. if your dh won't permit that, remember that if you have no say, you do not have to be responsible. that means if your dh does not back you up, he alone will take care of ss. you will not feed, clothe, transport, do homework, do laundry for ss. you need to make a stand. your daughter sees the inequity here. I don't know what damage can occur from having 2 different sets of rules to 2 kids in the same house, but if I were you i'd make sure this was taken care of. maybe have a serious discussion with your dh seeing if the two of you can set rules for the whole house. and, if he doesn't respect you enough to keep you in the loop, tell him what the consequences will be. don't ask. tell him.

Shugamuma's picture

Submitted by Shugamuma on Wed, 10/23/2013 - 2:32pm

I never noticed that but maybe it is because I treat our son more like he is not a step son to me however my husband treats my daughter totally different.. I would not be against each of us discipline our own child but it need to be even across the board. I can count on one hand how many times my husband has discipline our son since. We have been together.