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Insurance Debacle

ShorttermSD's picture

Submitted by ShorttermSD on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 11:49am

SS is on his dad's insurance. I married his mom and now we have a son. Wife wanted me to put new son on my insurance but was too costly to add him and cheaper to add him to hers. She added both of us to her insurance and required i pay the difference. I found out she added SS and did not tell me. Huge fight occureed because i asked that she or his dad contribute. She says that just because she added SS to the insurance that it doesnt cost anything extra and that I am mistreating SS because it doesnt cost extra UGH. We are now going to separate because i feel like this is taking advantage. Thoughts? Anyone go through anything similar?

Comments

STaround's picture

Submitted by STaround on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 11:53am

On my policy, adding one kid or two is the same, BUT no excuse for not being honest, and I would expect the other parent to pay part.  That would bother me.   I think this is a lot to sepearte over, especaily if you have an "ours" kid.   I would recommend counseling firt.

ksmom14's picture

Submitted by ksmom14 on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 12:08pm

I cover insurnace for myself, DH, 3 skids, and 2 DDs

We take the entire premium, and divide by 7 since there are 7 of us. BM is responsible for 1.5 shares since her and DH split the "cost" of the 3 skids. 

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 12:08pm

She is likely telling the truth. Most insurance plans run costs as such:

Employee

employee + spouse

employee + children (doesn't matter how many kids)

employee + family (doesn't matter how many kids)

If her son's dad is ordered to carry insurance, then he will not have to reimburse her the cost. Perhaps it should be re-evaluated as to if her son's dad should continue to cover their shared child (he is likely getting a small credit on CS calculation for it).

That being said, why does she expect you to cover the entire cost of your shared child's coverage? Do you have your own coverage, if so, why did she add you to hers? 

Her adding her son to the family coverage did not add to the cost and is a stupid thing to break up over. IMO, there is more to this argument than just that... do you feel, in general, that you are covering a lot of her child's expenses? 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 12:28pm

Yep.. my plan works the same way.. TBH.. the difference in the child's share would be minimal to divide by two kids vs one.

Now, if he was getting some credit for his premium pmt.. then maybe he shouldn't get that.

But... if her ins is better coverage.. and she was liable for sharing medical exp.. it may have been cheaper all the way around.

But.. I think you should have reimbursed her just for the diff between her single plan and the "married" plan.. then split the additional kid coverage between you and herself.

Honestly, there is also an advantage to having that SS on the policy because you may reach deductibles faster thereby reducing everyone's out of pocket.

NotThatTypical's picture

Submitted by NotThatTypical on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 12:44pm

My company has 4 options when it comes to insurance.

Employee

Employee + Children

Employee + Spouse

Employee + Family

 

The cost for the employee + children is the same if there’s 1 child or 10. Same for family so it’s very likely it didn’t cost her anything to add the child.

Next look at the custody order. The majority state BOTH parents must carry insurance. In cases where only one does the other parent is to pay half of the CHILD’S premium.

Now going back to my example if it were me the other parent wouldn’t have to pay anything if it doesn’t matter how many children there are on the plan. The parent can argue “She HAD to get the family plan for her OTHER child. Adding our child did not create any cost there for half of 0 is 0.

In our case SO and BM share two children and no other children are included. We take the cost of employee + family and subtract the employee + spouse then split that.

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Mon, 12/28/2020 - 8:20am

I do t think it's correct that most states require both parents to carry insurance. That makes no sense.

In my state the CS calculator is influenced by who carries he kid(s) on insurance, so OP should definitely look into that. It could be the dad was getting a credit for carrying the kid and so CS was lowered. Need to recalculate with BM carrying the insurance. His part could be "paid" that way. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 1:01pm

My insurance plan at work is per person. We don't have any family. So if you add a spouse you pay based on their age (anywhere for $260-$1099), minors are $165 each. 

However, your wife is likely telling the truth and there really is no reason to have someone else paying for SS if he doesn't make a difference. Why make Biodad pay if your wife can insure him for free? You have to have the insurance for your own child anyway. 

I DO AGREE that she should have told you. There is no reason for her to hide this except that maybe she knew you were very against caring for SS in anyway that you can construe as financially? 

Honestly I would pause and rethink separating over this. It really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. 

ShorttermSD's picture

Submitted by ShorttermSD on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 1:15pm

It's not free, she's just not paying for anything except what it cost for her before adding anyone else. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 1:19pm

You have to have insurance for you child. You have to pay for that, and your wife and you came to the agreement that you would pay for you and the baby on her plan.

Adding SS does not increase the cost. That is why she is thinking, let it go. However if you want to look at it like she is paying for her kid and your kid should be free, go with it and only pay for yourself.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 1:18pm

While I agree that this in and of itself isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, I've got to think that if this couple is talking about splitting up over insurance costs, it is symptomatic of other issues in the relationship.  I wonder if there's a lot of nickel and diming and/or disagreement over expenses, one spouse feeling used, some sentiment that one child is being favored over the other, that favors are being done for biodad, etc.  And then there's the fact that the wife conveniently failed to mention that she'd added the SS to the policy too.  If this one expense were to be handled fairly in a vacuum, the wife would be paying 3/4 of the cost of adding children to the policy (100% of the cost of SS - although she could seek something from biodad - and half the cost of the mutual child) and the OP would be paying 1/4 of that cost (plus the cost to add himself).  Nothing is ever in a vacuum, though, and I'm sure there's a lot more going on here.

ShorttermSD's picture

Submitted by ShorttermSD on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 1:13pm

Thanks for all of your responses. The additional cost is 450 or so a month. It is a much better plan but the issue is that she doesnt require more out of her son's father. He pays 200 per month towards everything. His son was also on govt issued insurance. Yes, it is more to it that that but this is a major argument between us because the added cost is already a burden because she's not helping at all with the additional cost whether it was just our son together or the addition of the SS and she has the money. She just uses this as a way to say im separating the two kids by one having better insurance than the other. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 1:17pm

To me, it seems like the best solution would be to have her pay the cost of the children. You pay for you, she pays for her and the kids.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 1:19pm

OK - if it's 450 a month for two kids, then you and she pay $112ish each for your kid, and she and SS's father pay $112 each for their kid. Or just leave SS on his father's plan, if that's cheaper. 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 1:25pm

Is what she's getting from her child's father court ordered?  If he had the SS on govt insurance (I'm assuming Medicaid or CHIP), I'm guessing he's low income.  There's also no financial benefit to him of the child having private insurance vs. state insurance.  If biodad is paying what he's legally required to pay, I'd leave him out of the equation.  She can't help that her ex is a deadbeat.  Now, if he's paying less than the court ordered amount, or she could get more by filing for a modification, or she's not pursuing arrears, then I could maybe understand that being an issue in your marriage.  

How do you handle the rest of your finances?  Is this just one sign of bigger issues?  It seems a silly thing to torpedo a marriage over.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 2:12pm

What were you paying for your own insurance premium/co-pays/deductibles vs to now what your wife is asking you to contribute to you and your joint little one being placed on her policy?

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Thu, 10/17/2019 - 2:51pm

You think insurance is expensive? Wait till you get a divorce. Have fun with family court and all the things you'll be ordered to pay for.  If you're going to separate over something as ridiculous as this then she's better off without you.