So it's a rant!!!!
So I'm frustrated and getting it out here like so many other step parents do. So without further ado....
So my SD is 7 she has been giving really bad attitude this week and having fits. Last night she cried for almost an hour keeping the baby awake and throwing a fit because we sent her to bed early, due to attitude. Lwt me elaborate on this, when I say attitude I mean throwing dirty looks, demanding, blaming everyone for her being in a bad mood, nit listening when we aak her not to do something, then throwing a fit when we tell her what her consequence is for not listening when we asked her to do stop doing something. For instance we caught her sneaking candy at dinner last night and we told her dinner was over due to it. She claims she " forgot it" from lunch. But she lied to us about it saying she forgot it from lunch, then tried saying she found it on the floor.
That is what I mean when I say attitude. We cannot trust this child to be honest we cannot trust her with anything. She tried lying to her teacher saying we don't feed her. And thankfully her teacher asked me. And I gave her the truth. My DH and I are so ready for the week to be over she's been practically unbearable. We've just been waiting for the next blow up all week. We've been pleasent and about normal she's just been in a piss poor mood.
Ok rant over.
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Comments
Where is the BM in all of
Where is the BM in all of this? The brat is probably just acting out my OSS did the same thing and still does to this day and he is 15 years old. It doesn't get any easier. He told BM that we were starving him and that our house was dirty and unbearable to live in he was even taking pictures of our house and sending them to BM so that she could try to use it against my DH in court. My house is always clean and there is always food in our house. It was nothing but lie after lie and BM encourage it and enjoys ramping up the drama to make our lives miserable. That is why I asked you where is the BM? I was thinking maybe your SD's BM is ramping her up?
BM isn't in the picture.
BM. Left 2.5 years ago. My SD uses the fact as a reason to get sympathy. She has a stable home life 2 parents me and my DH. As well as grandparents who spend ample time with her. We play board games almost every night ( when she isn't giving us attitude) we spend time with her as much aswe possibly can but it is never enough.
How much good attention is enough?
I spend 1-2 hours with her doing homework supervise her when she's eating, supervise her getting her chores done which is 1 hour, play board games with her which is 1-2 hours. We also have an infant who has needs.
She also has issues with being violent
She hits other kids if they don't do things her way.
She has tried to hit me and her baby sister ( that she's jealous of admittedly) her words were she wants us to get rid of her so we'll spend all our time with her at stores and getting stuff. I'm not even joking. Her BM isn't in the picture because SD stopped wanting to talk to her.
Wait so the BM is not
Wait so the BM is not involved because the 7 year ( 4 or 5 at the time) decided she did not want to talk to her mom anymore!?
no way!!! I don't buy it. The BM is not around because she decided she did not want to parent!!!! This child was ABANDONED!!! she's lashing out in the only way she knows how. She needs therapy.
Has she been in therapy to
Has she been in therapy to address the trauma of her mom abandoning her?
These behaviors are unacceptable and you have every right to be exhausted and frustrated with her. Sure, "kids lie," but it's up to their adults to teach them better. She sounds like she needs some extra help, however.
Yes, this. She needs a
Yes, this. She needs a therapist. Parental abandonment is very traumatic.
She sees a therapist
She sees a therapist 3 times a week and has been for a year. Her therapist has given us tips and we have followed through.Right now her therapist and her are working on accountability. And SD wants to stop going.
Well, her dad can assist in
Well, her dad can assist in the therapist's process by not allowing her to quit therapy. I hope he doesn't plan to allow her to stop going?
Yes he can.
He has no plans on her not going. He doesn't like the behavior either. He finds all the attention seeking very trying. Considering we are everyday giving her positive praise and anywhere from 2-10 times a day. She constantly wants more. He can't just say I like how you put your clothes away. He has to say it 10 or 15 times. She will ask him to praise her for indidvidual articles of clothing. For instance do you like how I folded this shirt? What about these pants? My gloves? Socks? It goes on and on. It can take hours of our time... It's gotten to the point we can't do anything without her involved or she gets her feelings hurt and throws a fit. She started babt talking again just to be the center of attention as her baby sister was standing for the first time. I missed a first for her because SD stood in front of her and started baby talking. Sorry it's just I have invested a lot of time and energy into my SD. And she's disrespectful constantly. And I try to not take it personally.
Your DH is part of the problem.
He should be trying to stop her from doing this. Not play into her games, SD got a raw deal, but many kids get raw deals , it's how you handle it, This is not the way
Your right.
You are absolutly right. He's put his foot down plenty and she has no regard for it. She'll throw fits and tear her room apart, wake up the baby to get someone to come in and ackowledge her. She learned all this from BM from birth till age of 4. We've worked hard to show her another way to act and that her behavior isn't acceptable. Weve pretty much walked her through all of this held her hand with the therapy and the house rules and everything. But in the end she still acts this way.
But on that note even if BM.
Even if BM pushed this type of behavior and both me and him are not ok and have set limits and have told her hundreds of times and reinforced rules she can still learn differently I hope.
I agree with this. My ODS dad
I agree with this. My ODS dad abandoned him also. I've talked with him about it when hes wanted to and always made sure he knows that I will always be there for him. But I've also been very careful to make sure he doesn't view himself as a victim or to excuse unrelated things out of pity. He still has issues from it, particularly anxiety around people leaving, but he doesnt act out in the ways you've described either and on a day to day basis hes just fine.
Of course the mom leaving affected her, but that doesnt mean that's the only thing going on and she would have been a perfect child had that not happened. I doubt the mom was a great mother before that. Did she have primary custody? How long has she known you? Was the attention seeking there before BM left?
The attention seeking
The attention seeking has been there since before Bio mom left. BM was a charecter she wasnt a reliable parent, she left me with SD more often than taking care of her. I had known them for about 5 years before getting together with DH. So I knew SD for most of her life.