You: (big smile)Me you and Ds, Cheesecake Factory, Sat nite!(the non SD one) Love you Honey! No mention of SD, all smiles. If he mentions her again say Honey, I don't want to spend my gift cards on her this time, I'd rather try her out at McDs or somewhere first, okay sweetie? Just kill him w/ kindness and keep the focus off her. Yay! Fried mac n cheese! Psuedo step CTBB was never bad in resturants when he was little, but his table manners were horrendous, DH and I fought over it a couple of times. Then I would take the killing w/ kindness approach and it usually worked. Telling DH his precious nephew's manners literally made me want to shout at my shoes didn't work as well!

Who cares? As long as he understands that you will not go out in public with her because of HER behavior, well, technically he is right. Yes, it's always as if they are telling us it's our fault, but maybe too it may be how WE feel. I could care less what DH thought about something like this. I would say, "you are right, I won't go with her until she learns to behave." Period. }:)

PS - congrats to you on teaching your child good manners...I used to have the same issues with SD and DH of course, and crazy BM would say "she's just a child"...really? If you don't teach them when they are young, then when they are in their teens you'll say "they are too old, nobody ever taught them." DH took OUR son out to a work function last Saturday, mind you he is 10 and "autistic and has ADHD", and DH came home so happy because all the women/men fell in love with how polite he was. If someone brought him a treat, he'd say "well, thank you!" When they were getting into an elevator with a female co-worker of DH, my son actually let her go first and said "ladies first!" and of course, he called everyone MAAM and SIR. and people make excuses for the poor manners of their kids...

"I told him to start with freaking Waffle House or IHOP or somewhere" ROFLOL, that's hilarious!!!

"So DH said..."I don't mind taking her anywhere now...her behavior has gotten a lot better when she's with me at least, but I know you don't want to go anywhere with her..."

He pushed it off onto you now. I don't mind taking her anywhere NOW. Is what he said. Sounds like he was feeling you out or testing you to see if YOU still have an issue.

Years ago I worked at a produce market. I was up on a step ladder and dropped something. A little girl, about 6, with down syndrome came running over, picked it up, and said here you go Maam.I of course fell all over myself thanking this sweet little girl. Her mom came over with tears in her eyes. I'll never forget it. I told her how proud she should be of that precious little girl. So yes, NO EXCUSES for poor manners!

I understand what you are saying and how you feel b/c before then it was your dh's idea to not take her any where.t However ONCE he thought it might be ok with out talking to you about that he felt it was ok now and when you displayed you still wasn't still with out knowing he felt it was ok suddenly it was ALL YOU that don;t want to take her any where!

That was VERY wrong of him and I would sit him down and explain it to him that way. That IF he felt it was ok to take her out now then he SHOULD have talked to about his change of mind instead of ASSuming that you can read his mind. Then to accuse you of it being your idea.

My dh pulls this one all the time. He will agree with me all day long that ss has a problem respecting me-he will agree that he does not want to be part of this family and will make no effort. He will agree that he steals from everyone and has done drugs and had some bad behaviors. HOWEVER-when explaining to someone else (such as mil) why ss doesnt live here presently he will say "Because hmo and ss13 dont get along"

I'll be like, "Back up there buddy"-and he will say, "but you dont"-"there are problems between you guys" and I will agree and say, "Yes, ss has a problem with treating me respectfully and I have a problem tolerating it". But when you describe it like that it sounds as if we are two small children who are fighting over things and cant get along with one another when in reality I have made every damn effort possible to try and have a positive rlationship with this child-I am not part of the refusal to "get along"

I am very sensitive about this issue-because I feel so much of teh blame for this situation has been thrown my way-by dh along time ago (he sorta knows better now), by ss himself, by bm in the past, by inlaws now-that I feel that he needs to carefully word things. I think from his perspective he's just trying to sum it all up rather than give a complete laundry list of all the issues to people who might inquire about it. Needless to say I've told him to come up with a new way to sum it up. For instance, he could just say, "hey, my son's an asshole".