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Maybe I need to just lighten up

semi's picture

Submitted by semi on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 12:39pm

I see people here with situations alot worse that what we have going on but I still am so frustrated... The 15 year old problem step-son did apologize after the big blow up a few weeks ago but we just had him for the weekend for the first time since. It didn't start well because there was some mis-communication with my boyfriend (an honest mistake on both of our parts) and I didn't realize he was going to be with us. I was SO looking forward to a nice long weekend and then found out at 6:00 thursday night that he was coming. I really, really just don't want to be around him. I'm mad at him all the time because of the crap his mom lets him get away with and I can't seem to separate that from his day to day behavior... which is no prize anyway, he's arrogant, lazy and disrespectful. His dad is pretty much just as frustrated with the behavior and does address it with him but he has the "he's still my son" thing so seems to tolerate it a little better than I do most of the time. So then I found myself mad at my boyfriend all weekend basically just for being nice to his son. Every little thing annoyed me, the boyfriend is typically a little on the "I'm always right" side and I found myself horribly bothered every time he made any comment or disagreement in front of the kid... and the conversations were no different than any other day when I find it occasionally annoying - and I don’t seem to have this reaction around the other step-son.

So this morning I'm driving to work thinking how glad I was he'd be back at his mom's this afternoon and the boyfriend called and said he'd be picking him up after school today so he'd be with us one more night. By the way, he's in school because he flunked all of his classes during the school year... and as I've mentioned before his mom's reaction after this fabulous achievement was to get him his driver's permit and go buy him a car.

My reaction is to not even go home tonight… go to a movie or something. But what I really need to do is to figure out some sort of mind-set I can come up with to not be so annoyed all the time. My fuse is so short at this point that the kid pretty much can’t do anything right, even when he isn’t really doing anything wrong. I wish I had a re-set button!

Comments

doglover1's picture

Submitted by doglover1 on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 12:48pm

Oh yes...Dont know how many times I have felt that way, looking forward to the skid to go to moms , only to find out no not yet. I too dont want to go home either sometimes . changing my attitude is not an easy thing to do. But i find after i talk about it, i start to calm down a bit.

SOmetimes i do need to not go home till later..nothing wrong with that.

bellacita's picture

Submitted by bellacita on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 12:52pm

go shopping, out w friends, treat urself to dinner, whatever. take a break from the situation and in between visits, work w ur DH to find a better way for him to handle SS, and for u to cope w it all. i know its hard...i just postde about my SS15 who is a goo dkid but is starting to get that typical attitude lately and my FH is such a softie that he just lets him talk to him like that. well, i blew up when he did it to me bc i couldnt take it anymore! FHs response? he backed me but said hed been meaning to talk to SS about his attitude! hello...u have custody...u have every nite to talk to him and my blowup couldve been avoided. grrr.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

StepLightly's picture

Submitted by StepLightly on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 5:40pm

I have so been there too...get out with friends, go to a movie alone...do whatever you need to do so that you're not home.

Colorado Girl's picture

Submitted by Colorado Girl on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 5:50pm

Maybe a little. Smile

Only because you are having the most normal of reactions to a teenager. I have this same reaction to my OWN soon to be teenager. He, too, can "annoy" me. Last night he was moaning and groaning over having to do his own laundry...so I had him finish that "over the top unfair of me to ever ask" of a task and told him to get away from me. (Literally said those exact words)

So yes, lighten up and got to the movies or wander around a bookstore. You'll hate him a lot less when you get home and he's sleeping. Smile

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

semi's picture

Submitted by semi on Mon, 07/07/2008 - 6:17pm

Actually after the venting today I think I will go home, it's the last night we'll see him for a few weeks probably. I believe it was in a reply to a teenage attitude issue bellacita was having that I said maybe I should go look at pictures of him when he was little so I can get a little of the bio-parent "but he was so cute when he was little" perspective.

Also, not sure why but the idea from Colorado Girl that it's okay to not want to be around him sometimes AND that it's okay to tell him so was fairly eye opening. Seems obvious when you think about it but in the middle of the fray sometimes your own name doesn't even seem obvious. I guess that's why we're all here though, right?