A lovely surprise (Not!)
There are a lot of birthdays on my DHs side this time of year. Basically every other weekend for Sept and Oct. It's annoying because they expect everyone to throw a full on birthday party and we are expected to go to all of them which eats up half of our lovely fall weekends. My DH opted out his own, our nephew's, our neice's birthdays and we aren't even throwing a 1st birthday for our own daughter because I'm pregnant and it's a pandemic.
The in laws threw parties for the nephew and niece and we have gotten attitude for not coming. These parties had over 2 dozen people from 7+ different households from 4 different states. They went behind DHs back and got SD12 this weekend and guilted my husband for not seeing her and not being home. There was no notice at all, we do have a life, but I guess they thought it was a surprise?? This weekend we are actually visiting my parents who live much father away and we see less often. My parents work together for their own business and don't interact with many people. However my dad got paranoid about a tickle in his throat and got a Covid test before we came. Meanwhile a month ago my in laws showed up to our house while waiting for employer ordered Covid test results and didn't bother to tell us! We were furious but afterwards they said "well it turned out negative!" as if we out of line for being upset with them.
Anyway my DH is now feeling guilty because my in laws are sending him tons of posed pictures of SD at their house in all these different outfits they bought her. They are guilting him about not having a birthday for our daughter and saying "isn't it weird for SD to go to her cousin's birthday party but not her sister's?" I dunno isn't it weird for you all to lavish SD with gifts for her sister's/cousin's birthday? For the last time we are in a pandemic and I am pregnant... We aren't having a party. My husband is fully on board with protecting his pregnant wife but they guilt him at every turn over birthday parties. We did send lots of gifts BTW and they haven't sent anything for our daughter's birthday or my husband's so I know the score there.
My in laws are now saying they're going up to our (empty) house... While we are out of town... They changed their story and say it's a joke now but I think that it's actually a change of plan once my husband reacted so negatively about it. My god if I find any evidence they went there I am flipping my sh*t.
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Any good neighbors that can
Any good neighbors that can call the cops on them? Maybe set it up so the cops drive by often to check up in the place?
Our neighbor that's watching
Our neighbor that's watching our cat will tell us.
I would love to call the cops on them!
Do it! Just tell them that
Do it! Just tell them that you are not there and that someone is trying to break into your home. Where I live, even if they have a key it would still be considered illegal entrance if they don't live there full time and if the habitual residents are absent.
Dr. Birx (Coronavirus Response Coordinator for the White House)
Dr. Birx (Coronavirus Response Coordinator for the White House) just gave a speech where she said that one reason for the recent increases in COVID-19 cases is smaller gatherings between friends and family. While many people are avoiding large gatherings, they are being less careful with smaller gatherings comprised of people they know - which is only natural. People tend to assume that friends and family are "safe." Since the virus can be spread by people with no symptoms, there is no way to know if someone is infected - especially if you don't know what kinds of precautions they have been taking. Tell your DH to quit feeling guilty, you are doing the smart thing.
Yes exactly. People are lax
Yes exactly. People are lax with those they trust but the virus is not your friend, it is counting on you being careless to spread. My husband gets it but the guilt trips about SD get to him.
Outrageous
I'm shocked by the boundary stomping, poor judgment and lack of consideration for a pregnant woman during a pandemic. Stunning.
Your DH really has to firm up
Your DH really has to firm up his spine with this clan. Do they have access to your house? If so, change locks immediately. Put on a keypad lock where you can change the code frequently. He needs to learn to block his family when they play the guilt trips.
My sister, DH and my niece all have birthdays in the same week in July - we celebrate them all together. Why does everyone need their own dang party?
Celebrating birthdays together
I stopped inviting family for my daughters' birthday when they turned 10. The reason for this was that my DH's siblings both had a daughter with a birthday in August but hadn't had time to celebrate (they were far too busy on foreign holidays) so they thought they would just combine those two birthdays with my daughters' one. I said no because:
Of course, all this was to be hosted in my home, with me doing the preparation and cooking. To be fair, BIL did say he'd make a communal cake for all four of them. Wowsie powsie. The offer was, of course, withdrawn when I said it was our girls' birthday celebration.
Since then, we've simply organized special events with their friends (taking a group of teens to an amusement park can be a whole lot of fun!).
Oh my SIL wanted to do a
Oh my SIL wanted to do a combo party for my daughter/neice. I shut that down because my SIL tends to be greedy for gifts and a cheapskate so I could foresee her sticking us with the cost and hosting at our larger house but trying to outdo for gifts. Most people would be polite and get the girls identical gift since they're the same age and I think that's kind of lame. The girls are just one but it wasn't something I wanted to have going forward.
I think everyone deserves their own birthday party but that means my in laws expect us to see them every other weekend all fall.
Well, I do suspect that my
Well, I do suspect that my niece, when she was young, had her own separate party with friends, etc - but for family, we did them all together. But we weren't the type to have huge birthday parties either.
This just got my dander up again
About one of our neighbors and my dad. Both of them, because we are WFH and don't have the door locked, will just walk straight into the house. They don't wear masks or don't wear them well. The neighbor wants DHs help with yard stuff. My dad wants us to feed him, and this man does not cook and has continued to go out to eat and won't wear a mask. We are getting those video camera doorbells and keeping the doors locked from now on.
I understand your husband
I understand your husband allowing his family to make him feel guilty, up to a point. It's a natural reaction when someone guilts you (especially, family), but he needs to get past it. He needs to own his decisions and stop letting his family manipulate his emotions.
My DH reached a place, years ago, where guilt trips piss him off instead of making him feel guilty.
Your in-laws need to back the
Your in-laws need to back the f up! So they got SD from BM, on her custody time, then harrassed your DH with pics and phone calls meant to make him feel guilty, and threatened to invade your home while you were out? It's time someone stood up to them and that someone is your husband!
Stupid, stupid people for not
Stupid, stupid people for not listening to your concerns or wishes regarding your own health and that of your family. WTF?
Glad I'm not alone, but sad you are dealing with this
My in-laws are the same way! They have parties for EVERY birthday. This means we are having a 20+ birthday parties a year, in addition to holidays. I don't understand why everyone needs a birthday party every year, and why we ALL need to go.
Oh, but I just had my birthday and no one mentioned having a party for me. I am grateful because I am trying to get pregnant and do not want to be around anyone! His family isn't aware, but either way, we are in a pandemic! If I choose not to go to a gathering for health reasons, it should be respected. The last time we missed his dad's birthday because his parents decided to go visit one of the grandchildren in their college dorm. That grandkid had just gotten busted by campus police for having a large gathering. We told them if they went, we would not be seeing them. When we didn't go, his mom demanded to drive an hour and a half to come to our house and speak in person. We both just left the house and hid in a park for several hours until the coast was clear.