DH and I have been married for 9 years together for 13. BM has always tried to undermine the both of us. Telling kids that I am not thier mother and that they don't have to listen to me. That they don't need structure. They don't need to help out around the house. And to top it all off she told them that she hates me and just tolerates me. She has constantly over the years said these things and acts as though just because she gave birth to them that no one else can help her raise them except for DH. Even then she basically says it is her way or the highway.