A question for the BM's on this board.
I picked up my SO's kids this afternoon, FSS has practice this evening and SO has to be at an orientation class for his school so I volunteered to take fss to practice for him, fsd asked to go along so she wasn't sitting around the house bored by herself. Reality is while Fss practices baseball, I let her practice driving my car, which is what she wanted to do. She will drive my car around the parking lot practicing turns, parrallel parking, backing up, quick stops for the hour and a half that practice is going on. She likes my car to practice with as it is small and it is easy for her to reach the controls, see over the wheel, reach the pedals etc.
While at the baseball field I received a phone call this afternoon from the dance studio that FSD16 attends, wanting to know why she was being withdrawn and did I want the refund check going to her mother who disenrolled her or back to myself, who paid the bill. Background: I told SO that I would pay for the kids to continue extra-curriculars, only fair since I was the one who encouraged then to join the activities. FSD16s dance studio fees I paid through December, her dance club fees and drama club fees (costumes, trips etc) are paid through the end of the school year in full. FSS13s wrestling and baseball fees are paid until the end of the school year and for little league through December.
BM lost in CS modification yesterday and today apparently decided to disenroll the kids from all their extra curricular activities today and demand refunds from the activities to be sent to her. The school organizations are not complying due to they have a strict no refund policy and she did not pay the bills, I did a few days ago. The dance studio would give a partial refund, they require 30 days termination notice so they would have paid back June through December. I advised the dance studio that No, the child was not withdrawing, she would be attending at the very least during weeks that she was with her father (week on/week off) and their policy is a flat fee per month, you are allowed 2 classes per week which is built into that price, no discounts or refunds for classes missed.
While I was speaking with the dance studio, apparently BM texted FSD16 and FSS13 telling them she had to disenroll them from all of these activities as "Your father is stealing all of my money." FSD is smart enough to comprehend he/she who makes more has to pay cs and comprehends her dad got laid off and is looking for work, she was however upset at the thought that she would no longer be attending dance but understood her mothers reasonings, skewed as they were of why. I had to explain to her and FSS that I paid their fees, they would not be forcibily disenrolled from their extra curriculars. They would be attending each week that they were with their dad and could attend weeks they are with their mom, if she provides transportation.
The future skids are happy and extremely greatful, I even got hugs 
. I told FSD to allow her dad to explain the activities and payments to her mom. Sadly, she chose to do it herself via text. Her BM apparently bawled her out for accepting money from 'an old whore' then told her since I was giving money away, she expects her CS check on Sunday when we drop the kids off to her. The hearing yesterday determined she no longer gets CS, she has to pay it. I am not going to dignify her text with a reply. I want to but I will not. FSD seemed embarrassed about the whole situation and SO called me while he was on a break saying BM was blowing up his phone with texts about the situation.
I honestly do not understand her anger over my paying for the kids to do activities that she ok'd months ago and that she had been paying half of the cost of previously. Granted, I did not expect her to call and thank me for doing it, but I also did not expect her vicious anger over it either. I know some of you ladies on this board are BM's so I pose the question to you: Did I overstep? Would you have a problem with your XH's SO paying for extra-curricular activities that your kids enjoy that you can not afford and aside from that person paying for them, the kids would be unable to participate in?
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Comments
You didn't do anything wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong. She's just pissed because things didn't go the way she expected in court. LOL
Your right. It wasn't about
Your right. It wasn't about getting credit my thought was to calm an upset teenager, but I could have worded it differently so as not to bring up who actually paid the bill, just that I was sure it was paid, talk to your dad and confirm it but I am pretty sure it was paid until the end of the year.
She's just mad that she
She's just mad that she couldn't make you and DH out to be the evil parents by "stealing her money." Since now the skids know for *sure* that they are still enrolled, BM will be the bad guy if she doesn't allow them to continue to go on her weeks.
I'd be grateful that my kids
I'd be grateful that my kids SM cared enough to do that for them. Embarrassed and/or ashamed that I couldn't/chose not to provide such things for them, but grateful.
That is really pitiful. You'd
That is really pitiful. You'd think she'd be grateful that you treat her children well, but some people make no sense. I'm a BM and a SM, but my bios don't have stepparents so I'm not sure how I would feel. Regardless, I'd react with some damn dignity!
Here again is a case of the
Here again is a case of the BM hating her ex more than she loves her children - good for you SASX for trying to help develop and get your skids into extra activities - that she would call you a whore to her daughter really says a lot about her and I truly feel sorry for your SD - just keep loving them!!
Lol the bm here isn't even
Lol the bm here isn't even TRYING to appear sane anymore, she's letting her anger control her, big time!!
^^^Agreed^^^ But SM is trying
^^^Agreed^^^
But SM is trying to do the right thing by the kids and that's so great.
Try not to let it get to you. Let the other person's behavior roll off your back. There are complicated feelings being dealt with here. If the shoe were on the other foot, you have no idea how you might react.
Just do what you think is right, but always have the thought in your mind of "but for the grace of God go I."
JMHO.
FSD has practiced driving my
FSD has practiced driving my car twice before. Up until a week ago her dad had a large truck and she did not like using it to practice driving it due to how big it was. My car is far smaller, seats 4 comfortably, 5 very uncomfortably, so it is easier for her to manuveur and not worry about hitting things. The dance studio I am sure called me because I paid the bill and BM was demanding the refund be sent to her.
So does a great job parenting the kids, normally BM does a good job as well. The last two days have apparently not been good days for her.
To be perfectly honest, even
To be perfectly honest, even if it sounds pathetic? I think I would feel very threatened and basically just feel crappy if my ExH's SO was paying for my kids to be in activities that I couldn't afford.
Yes I know that would be wrong (I should be grateful, the kids benefit and that's what counts) but honestly it would just make me feel like crap. I don't know why exactly, but I can imagine how I would feel!
I would also feel like, and I'm not saying this applies to you, but would feel like what if ExH and SO split up and my kids have gotten used to all these expensive activities?
But, as far as your BM... whooo she is pissed about the CS and losing it. Just sit back and let her lose control. How embarrassing for her to call you an old whore. I'd be so embarrassed if I lost it and said something like that and everyone knew how bad I lost control!
*Typically*, in a nuclear
*Typically*, in a nuclear family, the Mother tends to the run of the household. By that, I mean, cleaning, tending to kids, scheduling, decision making, etc., etc. When the nuclear family is no longer, you now have the Mother maintaining her role as the matriarch in both households. Which usually only becomes a problem when another woman comes into play. Now, you have two women trying to run one household, and we all know that is disaster, lol.
My belief is that there is a line. A line for "both" women to try not to overstep. No 'one' particular individual defines that line. That is all dependant upon the dynamic of your situation. Do what you feel comfortable with, while at the same time respecting how the other woman feels in the situation. And don't wait on the other to give respect to you, the way she behaves shouldn't define who you are as a person.
As a BM myself, she probably feels threatened by you, and threatened by the relationship you have with the skids. She might feel like she's losing control of any decisions when it comes to the kids. I think she reacted the wrong way about it, but I do believe thats the 'reason' for her behavior.
I think it's great what you're doing for the kids, and hopefully in time BM will view it as a blessing that the kids have someone else in their life to love them and help with things. But until then, continue supporting the kids and doing what you feel comfortable with, but respectfully, KWIM?
I dont have a step situation
I dont have a step situation with my kiddos so I cant answer from that point of view-but I do believe it might bother me some-but for me it would be about a sense of pride and wanting to take care of my own kids and not have another woman do so.
My bm on the other hand would be tickled pink if I called up and offered to pay for anything of ss's.
It sounds as if this bm is just being a biatch-she's mad and she wants the kids to be mad at their dad so she is punishing them and trying to make it your dh's fault.