DH and I have custody of ss's 8, 9 & 15, with BM having eowe and half of school holidays, and they are currently staying with BM for her half of the Xmas holidays. DH had a call from his sister this afternoon to say his elderly mother has died suddenly, which although she was old and frail is still a big shock. Because MIL and the rest of DH's family live 250 miles away, going to the funeral will mean a stay away from home for at least a couple of days, maybe more depending on whether his sister needs any help sorting things out before or after the funeral. DH contacted BM to let her know, and to ask if she would keep ss8 and ss9 for a few extra days, as we both felt that taking them with us is not a good idea. However, we gave ss15 the choice as to whether he wanted to go or not as he is old enough to decide for himself. He said he'd like to go as he thought a lot about his gran and was really upset at the news.

BM's first words when DH asked her if she would keep the boys while we went to his mother's funeral was that she had no money left as she'd had to pay for head lice shampoo for them. DH had to tell her we'd give her some money to feed them for the week, just to get her to agree to look after her own kids. She then proceeded to have a rant at DH that he was wrong to not let the kids go to the funeral and that we should be taking all three of them, not just ss15.

BM lives 70 miles away from us, and we were due to pick up all 3 boys on Monday. Because we don't know when we're going to have to travel, we thought it best if we picked up ss15 today so we're ready to go if we're needed. BM put on a big performance in front of the kids when DH got there, telling ss8 and ss9 that they should go to their gran's funeral and convincing them they wanted to go. She was manipulating them and putting ideas into their heads, and then when DH tells them he thinks it best that they stay with their mum, he looks like the bad guy and ss8 goes into a major tantrum, all thanks to BM's stupidity.

She then has the cheek to text DH shortly after we left telling him that he needed to get ss8 because he wouldn't stop crying. SS8 and SS9 both have a history of serious tantrums when they don't get their own way, and we know by now that his crying fit had nothing to do with him being upset about his gran and everything to do with the fact he didn't get his own way. He used to have tantrums for us regularly until he realised it doesn't pay at our house and only results in him losing computer/xbox etc. He simply wanted to go with his dad because he's a real daddy's boy and clings to him like a toddler, and he didn't like the fact that his big brother was getting to go somewhere with dad and he wasn't. BM is too stupid to see this and is obviously making ss8 a lot worse because of her sheer stupidity. They stopped having tantrums for us years ago, but because she panders to them they still do it for her and she can't handle it.

She is such a bitch and has caused so much trouble, but even I'm staggered by her behaviour this time. I could kill her right now for what she's done to DH and the kids today!! We're still grieving for my mother who died in August, so losing MIL so soon after is hard enough to bear without all this unnecessary shit from that evil witch. DH should be able to concentrate on grieving and spending time with his family, not worrying about what that psycho is going to do next and what kind of mind games she's playing with ss8 and ss9 while we're gone.

Unbelievably, she's complaining that ss9 is too young for the mobile phone we got him for christmas, yet she's prepared to let an 8 and 9 year old be present during what could be hours of us having to help with paperwork, phone calls, running errands etc, a long funeral mass and a burial in a freezing cold Scottish cemetery - what planet does this bitch live on?? I could understand it if the boys had been close to their gran, but because she lived so far away and we're on a limited budget and not able to afford travel/hotel costs to visit very often, they haven't seen her for over a year. They're also the kind of kids who get bored and fidgety easily and aren't capable of sitting quietly without the need to shout/playfight/run around, and they definitely wouldn't cope well with a big bunch of strangers all crying and upset. DH sent BM a very strongly worded text telling her to grow up and stop being so nasty and she's shut up for now, but I know he'll be worrying the whole time about the boys. How can someone be so horrible at a time like this!!