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Need advice re: Cali family court system

rollercoasterride's picture

Submitted by rollercoasterride on Thu, 08/29/2013 - 4:40pm

Hi everyone. I've been lurking here for a long time now. Current sitch: my husband is the CP to his son (4). BM is a drug addict and has visitation a few times a month. Hubs and I recently found out that BM is shacking up with her new BF who has been convicted of numerous drug and assault charges. What can we do? We don't want a 4 year old around this type of person. We live in Cali. There is a C/O in place. Can we ask the court to address the issue of who she associates with? Any helpful or useful advice/ideas would be awesome. Just feel so helpless right now.

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JennSunnySideUp's picture

Submitted by JennSunnySideUp on Thu, 08/29/2013 - 8:04pm

I'm not sure about Cali law (I'm in SC) but I would make sure to print out the list of his offenses and present them to the court and put in motion that she is bring the child around unsavory people with numerous charges. Is there any way for you to get proof she is staying with him? Bc she could easily just say that she isn't staying with him and that y'all are lying blah blah blah.

burned out mom of 2's picture

Submitted by burned out mom of 2 on Thu, 08/29/2013 - 10:09pm

Do you have solid proof that BM's BF has been convicted of drug and assault charges? In other words, do you have his wrap sheet by chance? Here in CA, some of that information isn't privy to us regular folks and the CDC will NOT give that information out willy nilly.

So, start digging around. Deep. If you need my help, send me a private message and I'll do my best.

queen-B's picture

Submitted by queen-B on Fri, 08/30/2013 - 12:58am

I've done a lot of reading on Cali law, but I am in no way a lawyer or qualified to advise in any capacity. If you would like the benefit of my layman's research, here's what I can offer:

1. Don't argue against the parent, argue against the uninvolved party. Taking away the mother's right to have her children is a very high bar to jump...the easier argument is that the mother's partner should not have access to the child(ren). "'Mom is great, and kid(s) should absolutely be with her. The kid(s) should not, however, be around Mr. X because of..." and present a compelling case that Mr. X would damage your child(ren).

2. Mothers, rightly or wrongly, still have an advantage in the majority of courtrooms. Don't attack the mother as unfit; a more palatable, and less objectionable argument can usually be made along the lines of "mom is great, but given her current life situation the child(ren) would be better served if..."

3. Whenever possible, don't attack. Present the argument from a position of trying to do the best thing for the kids, for mom and for you (you come last in this list, and the kids always come first). "I know mom loves the kid(s) and is a good parent. I won't take that away from her. The facts, however, show that I am better positioned to ensure that the kid(s) needs are met, and that they maintain a good relationship with mom."

Always, always, frame any discussion points or arguments in terms of what is best for the child(ren). Any deviation into what is "fair" or "right" for either of the parents detracts from the focus, which the court has already determined is the child(ren).

And with this, and $2, you can get a Starbucks coffee before court :). But if it helps, well, hallelujah!