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Inappropriate or not?

Rojo's picture

DH gets an email this morning from BM, she sent it to DH and SD...

DH & SD,

Hope you have a great spring break!

SD, i'll see you soon.

Use sun block and be safe!

BM

WTF!!!!!!!!!!! I don't care that she pretends i don't even exist, she does that all the time. But why, WHY does she feel the need to send this to DH also? I asked him before i left for work, if he was going to email her back and tell her he doesn't need any emails from her UNLESS it has something to do with SD. He said yes he would, but now i see he only said yes to get me out of the door this morning. Now he's texting me saying "Babe, i think we should just ignore her, besides my name being at the top it has nothing to do with me" ARE YOU F***ING kidding me?!? Please tell me if i am overreacting because i'm about to call him and lose it.

Comments

onehappygirl's picture

I totally understand your frustration here, and I would be mad too, but I think this should just be ignored.

If he says anything to her about this being inappropriate, then she will know that she pushed YOUR buttons and will continue doing it.

I don't know her or your situation, but her message just sounds friendly to me. As much as I can't stand my ex, I don't wish ill on him and would probably tell him to be safe and have a good time on his vacation too.

Let it go. It's not worth a big fight and that's probably what it would turn into if you called your DH and lost it.

Deep breath, deep breath. Tonight, put a jigger of bourbon in your coke - that always helps me.

______________________________________

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

stepmom008's picture

Honestly Rojo? It would upset me too but it is an overreaction. I'm sure she does it to needle you and it works. It sucks b/c I deal with it to and I know it's only done to bother me and by my getting upset by it, she gets what she wants but that doesn't mean I can let it roll off of me easily.

I don't have any advice for how to let it roll off of you... hang in there & remember that she's insignificant to you and your relationship. Don't let her get in the middle of that - if you do, she wins Smile

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

belleboudeuse's picture

I think you are overreacting. Our BM totally ignores me, as well (unless she needs a favor, of course). Does the SK have a cell phone? If not, then this is just her communicating with the kid. I agree with StepAside -- including DH is probably just a reminder to him to make sure SD puts on sunblock.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

bearcub25's picture

This type of msg from BM I could handle. She didn't address you DH directly or inappropriately. Just wishing them to have a good time. Let this one go and put that energy into something else.

Cece51's picture

She's doing that to be a butt. Don't let her get to you. We all know there was no reason for BM to include DH on that email. Some BM's do ignorant crap like this just to get a raise out of the SM.

soverysad's picture

Wingnut does this on vm sometimes, Rojo. Honestly, it makes me laugh. She is so pathetic. I know it is hard and frustrating, but try to view BM's behavior as her own insecurities and have fun with it. Think about how truly pathetic she must be to hang on to her ex. As long as your dh loves you and doesn't respond in kind, she is wasting her time and energy trying to piss you off. How stupid is she? Don't let it work.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

Lady London's picture

Why dont BM's just F OFF and talk to their own BF's or Husbands....I find them so irritating and waste of spaces - the fact she has sent him an email is innapropriate....no need is there. I cannot stand most BM's only a handful are NORMAL..

Rojo's picture

I hate hearing that lol.

SD does have a cell phone. She sent it as a text to her and an email to DH.
I just talked to him and my issues is this: i have to hear story after story about DH and BM from SD. I will never tell her not to talk about her mom becuase i love that she's comfortable enough to tell me anything. BM told me to my face in front of SD that i'm a piece of shit and that DH would fuck a dead dog after 7 years...all of this was said in front of SD 8 at the time. After all of that and much much more, she takes a stab at me by sending this email to DH and SD acting like it's just the two of them, and i'm suppose to not say anything. i don't get it. meanwhile DH is mad at me for letting her ruin our day.

Gana's picture

She is just trying to get to you so if he responds then she knows she got to you. IF you just ignore it then she will probably keep doing it but if you just try (i know it is really hard to do) to ignore it maybe she will get the hint. Don't let her get to you. Easier said then done, right?

Mommyto1Stepto2's picture

Our BM has done this before. And added "Call me if you need anything." Puke. I think that may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. I believe this is when I requested that they lessen the frequency of their email exchanges.

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

I sent many emails to EH just like this, especially when perfectson was younger. I sure didn't mean anything by it, other than have fun and PLEASE remember to put sunblock on my kid. I don't think it's inappropriate at all and I sure wouldn't let it ruin my good time.

Gana's picture

She is just jealous that you are going on Spring Break and she is not. She is trying to make you miserable about what she wrote. Misery loves company. So be HAPPY Smile

herewegoagain's picture

I see both sides...don't stress...the most is sit w/dh and tell him to reply saying...

Thanks BM! We will...and don't worry Rojo has packed our bags and she has already put in all kinds of sun protection for us all!

SteppingUp's picture

I like this suggestion because then DH is not allowing BM to ignore your existence. Maybe some day she will stop living in denial that there is another woman in her child's life.

Rojo's picture

I'm listening to you all on this one! I'm not letting her get to me. I honestly think she really is jealous that it's not her going with them. I think i will take your advice too StepASide...i'll add that tube in her bag when we come home!
Thank you ladies! I've only been at this stepmom thing for 4 months and i'm starting to feel like i'm allowed to be upset, but nothing can be done about it. I'm sure i'll learn to let it roll off my back.

Mich811's picture

Listen, if she hadn't said all of those terrible, nasty things about you in front of your stepkid, I doubt this would bother you nearly as much as it does. It's all about context in these relationships.

BM sent virtually the same text to DH before we took the kids to his parents house this past summer (with the added zinger of "I spoke to your parents and they are REALLY excited to see you and the kids!") I think it is her way to try to maintain control, somehow.

I think it's right to be annoyed, but I don't think you should make too big a deal of it. Save the big guns for major issues, like when she calls you names...