This is going to be a long post, but I have to vent. Last night did not go well, thanks to SD8, but I have to say I'm very happy with how my DW handled things. Things have really changed around here and man I'm glad that DW listened to me and is actively parenting SD8 when she is here.

Before I get to the story of last night, some background information: Earlier this week I hear DW laughing pretty hard, so I asked her what was so funny. She looks at me, chuckling, and says "Well, BioDad's Finance's honeymoon with SD8 is over." Apparently BioDad left SD alone with his Fiance and SD treated her like crap, pretty much exactly what she does with me. SD threw temper tantrums about doing homework, having to eat a dinner she didn't want, and having to do her laundry before she left to come to our house for the week. DW received texts from both the Fiance and BioDad stating how much of a brat SD8 was, that she was grounded, etc. DW just laughed and I told her: "Well looks like they're finally seeing her for who she really is. This is how she treats me every week she is here."

So, last night DW was running late from work due to bad traffic and weather, so she asked me if I could swing by and pick SD up after getting BS3 from preschool. Not a problem, I do this all the time. Well, the first thing I notice when SD gets in the car is an overwhelming smell of something sweet... almost like cotton candy. I ask her what it is, she says her yogurt spilled in her lunch box. How did that happen? She tells me she was swinging the lunchbox around and throwing it at the wall. This is a fairly expensive lunchbox we bought because the cheap ones were falling apart in a month... I guess now we know why. I was not happy but told her we'd discuss that with her mom. I looked in the lunchbox and everything was covered in yogurt (and she hadn't eaten anything her mom sent with her).

Then we get home and I ask her if she has homework. She says yes, I tell her to go get it and get started working on it. She takes a map of the globe out of her backpack... it is all ripped up. I ask her how her HW got all ripped, she said she was sitting on her bag, sliding around and hitting her friend with it. Again, I'm not happy but we'll discuss with DW later. I tell her to get started on it - all she has to do is color. She proceeds to sit on the floor in front of the TV. I tell her "No, you know you are supposed to do your homework in your room at your desk." Cue the bitching from SD: "That's not fair! You're so RUDE! Why do I always have to do it at my desk!?" (Note I was not rude at all). I tell her she needs to shut her mouth and go to her desk before she gets in any more trouble. She goes to her desk and comes storming back out. "I can't do this at my desk, it is all MESSY!"

Me: "Whose fault is that? I didn't put those things on your desk."

SD: "Well I can't color this on my desk it is too messy. I'll just color on the floor in the guest room."

Me: "No, you won't. You will get your homework and do it at your desk."

SD: "Why do you have to be so RUDE?!? It's not fair! You're so evil! There's not even any crayons in my room."

Me: (calmly) "You need to shut your mouth, get your crayons and go finish your homework. Now."

SD: (screaming now) "I can't do it at my desk, it is all MESSSSSSYYYY!"

Me: "That is not my problem. If you kept your room clean, this wouldn't be an issue. Clean off your damn desk and do your homework."

SD: "GOD! You are so RUDE! BS3 is treated like a prince and I always have to DO THINGS!"

I just looked at her. She went to her room. Not even 1 minute later she comes out and says "I'm done." The map is still all ripped, not taped up. Her coloring of it consists of a few scribbles.

Me: "Is this your best work?"

SD: "The best I can do because my desk is so MESSY."

Me: "If this is your best work you can leave it here and we'll see what your mother says when she gets here. I can guarantee you that she is not going to be happy about this. And she's going to tell you the same thing about your desk as I did. Your desk is your responsibility to keep clean."

SD: "Why do you have to be so RUDE about it! You always make me do things at my desk! I can't because it is MEEEESSSSSYYYY. I can't move the stuff! How come BS3 never has to do things at his desk?! It's not fair! You're evil!"

I freaking lost it. I got up and went over to her, spoke very calmly...

Me: "If you call me rude or evil one more time I am going to slap your mouth off of your damn face. I am asking you to do your homework. You are the one being rude with this behavior. Your desk is messy because YOU left it that way. It is not MY job or your mom's job to clean up your desk. That is your job. If it is too messy to color there, guess what? You CLEAN IT FIRST! This wouldn't be an issue if you cleaned up after yourself like everyone else in this house does. But I know it's not really about the messy desk. It is about you being lazy. You don't care about your homework, or cleaning up, or your schoolwork because you are lazy. It's not just here, it's at school too. You don't think the teachers tell us that you aren't putting any effort into your work? Guess what? They do. I mean, you're failing all of your subjects except one! But you know what? I'm done. I'm not doing this anymore. If you have homework you do it yourself. If you don't, or if you don't put effort into it, it's not my problem. It's your own damn fault. If you want to be lazy in your life and not make any effort, you can suffer the consequences. Maybe you'll have to take summer school, or repeat the third grade. Imagine how embarrassing that will be for you. But it will be your. own. damn. fault. Now go in your room and stay there until your mom gets home."

SD stops off to room and starts crying in there. I just tried to focus on making dinner... I also sent DW a warning text about what she was coming home to.

DW comes home and I explain the situation. DW basically tells me this is unacceptable, that SD should not be talking to me or any adult like that, and she will take care of it. She goes into SD's room and all I can hear is SD8 saying lots of "but, but, but..." "Moooommmy!" and crying.

DW comes out and tells me this is what is going to happen:

1) SD is going to clean out her whole lunch box and everything in it. DW is going to stand there and supervise.
2) SD is going to eat her dinner without a word and then finish her homework the right way, so it is absolutely spotless. SD will stay up with DW all night if that is what it takes to get it finished correctly.
3) SD is grounded and will be getting no special privileges or anything the rest of the time she's with us this week.
4) SD will apologize to me.

Well, I got a half-assed apology from SD, DW told her to make it better. SD still didn't understand why she was apologizing, and I told DW later that it makes no difference if she apologizes because she doesn't think she has done anything wrong.

SD didn't get dessert and had to watch everyone else have it. The tear factory was in full effect. "But Daaaadddyy always gives me a second chance!" she says. DW wasn't having it, telling SD this isn't her Dad's house. SD was made to then finish her homework and go straight to bed without a story. Again the waterworks (plus some nasty looks from SD to me, because the fact that she is in trouble is clearly all my fault).

DW told me that the grounding is just going to have to last until SD changes her behavior. She also confronted SD with the fact that DW knew she had pulled the same shit with her soon-to-be stepmother at her BioDad's house, and that shit wouldn't fly. She told SD that if she ever hears about her speaking like that to either of her stepparents ever again, she's going to regret it. She asked SD which of her "four parents" she wanted to deal with when she was in trouble, SD said her soon to be stepmom. DW asked her if she wanted to be punished by DW, SD said no because mommy actually punishes her. So DW told SD if she hears this bullshit again, either here or at the other house, she will drive over there to get SD and DW will set the punishment. SD did not like that at all.

DW doesn't want to be the bad guy. She is not happy that BioDad gives "second chances" and that DW seems to be the only one disciplining this spoiled brat. But I told her that it is ok because SD isn't going to blame DW for getting in trouble, she's going to blame me because I am the "evil stepfather" who makes her do her homework. DW just laughed.