Thanks. He tries to put me down in front of DD all the time and since he and his gf basically are fuddy-duddies that never do ANYTHING or go ANYWHERE, if I take DD out to a restaurant to eat I'm considered the "party parent"

And that's another thing is I'd have to do everything over email or phone, even if a hearing in court was scheduled. If I have any chance at all at reversing custody, I can't afford to take time off work and fly up to Michigan to appear and I can't afford to pay an attorney to appear on my behalf.

All I can do is hope he comes around by June and agrees to let her go and then we can file in court for the change so I can get it in writing and enroll her in school here in Colorado.

I guess I just wanted to see if anyone out there had any advice for me I know this is probably just a wait-n-see kind of thing.

That's not what I meant. I meant with what I've read about how difficult it is in the state of Michigan to remove a child from an established environment, I'm afraid a judge would laugh me out of court for trying. I could pay the $150 filing fee and they'd set a hearing date, then I'd have to try and fly out there and with the deck stacked so far against me trying to remove her (even if she WANTS to go), I'm afraid it would be a waste of time and money.

I guess I just need to call some lawyers and see what they say. I just don't want to get my hopes up and get taken for a bunch of money and STILL not see any results, you know?

In Michigan, you have to be 16 and show just cause for emancipation. She'd have to have a job, a car, a reason to leave. It's not easy.

Oh I know he's treating her like this, since my mom used to buy her a "care package" every single month and when she'd run out of things, she'd ask her dad and he would "forget" because he knew my mom would be there soon to do it!!!

Now that I KNOW for a fact that DD wants to leave her friends and school (that was my main concern, was not to do anything against her will), I can go in guns blazing. I just don't know if I have a chance in the eyes of the court.

The motivation is not having to pay CS, but I can't afford to continue paying him CS of $500 per month if I had her and her two pets. It means us getting a bigger place in a better school district, increased utilities, medical coverage for her, a cell phone, clothing, food, school supplies, etc. I can't afford to keep paying him and have her full time.

I think he'd be more than happy to relinquish control if I said yes, I'll still give you CS even when I have her full time, but I just couldn't swing that financially.

^^^Exactly. And yes, he is being an ass and is always on a power trip. It's the only control he can exude over DD15 and I and he uses it every chance he gets. I don't think he thought she was serious when he said "fine, you have 30 days to decide if you want to leave here and live with her".

I haven't talked with his gf in more than 6 mos after I told her to lay off DD15 and she said "when she's with you, you have control, when she's here, *I* have it" and I told her BULLSHIT, she's not her parent, isn't even engaged to my ex and she could fuck off. DD hates her.

From what I've read on legal websites in MI: The moving party must assert facts in the motion that support proper cause or a change of circumstances that will enable the Court to ultimately examine the “best interests factors” under the Child Custody Act. This first threshold is intended to “erect a barrier against removal of a child from an established custodial environment and to minimize unwarranted and disruptive changes of custody orders.”

“Proper cause means one or more appropriate grounds that have or could have a significant effect on the child’s life to the extent that a reevaluation of the child’s custodial situation should be undertaken.” As to what facts or grounds will fall within this definition, trial courts look for guidance in the twelve factors developed by the Legislature for determining what is in the child’s best interests. MCL 722.23(a)-(l). The grounds presented must be “legally sufficient,” i.e., they must be of a magnitude to have a significant effect on the child’s well-being to the extent that revisiting the custody order would be proper. Trial courts make this factual determination case by case.

“To establish a “change of circumstances,” a moving party must prove that, since the entry of the last custody order, the conditions surrounding custody of the child, which have or could have a significant effect on the child’s well-being, have materially changed. Again, not just any change will suffice, for over time there will always be some changes in a child’s environment, behavior, and well-being. Instead, the evidence must demonstrate something more than the normal life changes (both good and bad) that occur during the life of a child, and there must be at least some evidence that the material changes have had or will almost certainly have an effect on the child. This too will be a determination made on the basis of the facts of each case, with the relevance of the facts presented being gauged by the statutory best interest factors.”

It would be very difficult to prove.

See this is what I'm afraid of. A long, drawn out and expensive journey that I know I can't finance. We're BARELY making ends meet right now and with BM taking DH to court next month to have her CS increased, I know that will be another impact and will be looking for a second job.

I am not a "disney mom" even when she's here for visitation every summer. I don't have to be the strict disciplinarian with her because she respects me, my house and my husband. So we have that going for us.

She hates her dad and his girlfriend, but gets along with gf's adult son, who will be moving out in May. DD knows that once the son moves out, things will get harder for her there and I think that's why she's making her plea to move this summer.

Thanks! SO many people that have only met us briefly all agree that she needs to be here. All of DH's family LOVES DD15 and wants her here too.

I wish I could. He ignores my calls. Has done this for years. I'll email him, text him, call him - he ignores it all.

When I forwarded her spring break itinerary last month, I had to follow up with 2 emails and 2 texts to make sure he got it so he'd have her to the airport on time! He finally texted me back LAST week with "yes, I got her itinerary" and never answered my other text about giving me the online password to her grades so I can monitor her grades online either.

He wants her to stay so he gets my $500 CS payment every month and it's the only control he has over DD15 and I. It's ALL about control and money for him.

I even will agree to waive my CS rights if she comes to live with me. I think the ONLY way I could get him to give up the control is to offer to continue paying him his monthly CS AND take her full time (but financially, I just can't do that).

Hey Amber,

Thanks for your suggestions. I am in Colorado and this would be a Michigan court battle, so other than calling Michigan based attorneys and seeing what info they can give me over the phone, I am screwed with that.

I can call and harass him all I want. He simply ignores the texts, emails and calls. He's done that for years. I don't even have his gf's number and we're no longer friends on facebook after I called her out.

That's what I plan to do Echo. I think I'll gather a few numbers on my lunch hour and see what I can get from that.

I never would pursue it had she told me she was still happy there. She's told her dad they never connected and he gets that she and I have way more in common and get along better, but he's being a stubborn ass. The control and money mean more to him than his daughter's happiness.

I'll update here as soon as I'm off the phone!

Thanks for the insight Drac0. I do plan to call some Michigan attorneys and see what they suggest.

My DD15 is very clued in on her dad's tactics and wouldn't fall for his bullshit promises. He's already been the man who cried wolf too many times with her (and me too) so we're both pretty schooled on his ways.

She's absolutely certain and even has told her friends she's moving away. They are all happy for her and tell her she's doing the right thing and would be witnesses if needed.

As far as CS is concerned, I would be willing to waive it (or sign a notarized document stating I'd send it back to him if it was court ordered). I know the way to this man's heart is money and control. So I'm trying to play on those weaknesses of his. Give him the satisfaction of knowing that even though he won't be collecting CS to the tune of $500 every month, he wouldn't have to pay anymore. And the control part - well that is the hard part. I'm still working on how I can incorporate his desperate need for control into this whole mess.

Hi Cheri - I've copied your message into mine to answer each line accordingly. I apologize that I don't know how to change the font or highlight any text so this may be hard to follow so I'll just capitalize it all. I'm not yelling though ok?

This is such a difficult situation Red. If I am understanding correctly, you gave custody to BD because you were married to someone who moved a lot and was unstable. Then you divorced that guy and married a guy you met online and moved to CO. I DID DIVORCE EX #2 AND YES, GAVE CUSTODY OF DD TO HER BIO DAD BECAUSE WE WERE UNSTABLE AND MOVED A LOT. I KNEW SHE'D BE HAPPIER. NO, I DID NOT MOVE TO CO AFTER I MET DH. I MOVED TO CO WHEN I WAS STILL WITH EX #2. I'VE BEEN HERE 3 YRS NOW, THE ENTIRE TIME DD HAS BEEN WITH HER DAD.

So your whole basis for changing custody is going to do with your stability. Do you think you will be able to present that? How long have you been married? Have you been paying CS regularly and in full? How stable is your financial situation? I'VE BEEN STABLE IN THE SAME JOB AND CITY FOR 3YRS NOW. DH AND I MET 2 YRS AGO AND HAVE ONLY BEEN MARRIED SINCE JUNE OF LAST YEAR. I HAVE BEEN PAYING CS REGULARLY EVER SINCE THE COURT ORDER WAS ESTABLISHED. FINANCIAL SITUATION IS STABLE, WE HAVE A LITTLE EXTRA EACH MONTH BUT NOT MUCH.

I suspect a lot of judges will look askance at the fact you met someone online and moved to his state to marry him. If this appears to be the case, how will you overcome this with the judge? Because I am pretty sure BD is going to bring it up if BD thinks it will win the case. NO, THIS ISN'T THE CASE. I MOVED TO CO WITH MY EX. IT WAS THE FINAL PLACE WE MOVED BEFORE SPLITTING UP. YES, I MET DH ONLINE, BUT A LOT OF MARRIAGES HAPPEN THAT WAY NOWADAYS. DH AND DD GET ALONG GREAT AND HE'S MORE OF A FATHER TO HER THAN HER OWN.

Would you be willing to move to MI if that meant you could get custody of your daughter? NO BECAUSE THE ECONOMY IN MICHIGAN IS FAR FROM STABLE AND JOBS ARE VERY HARD TO COME BY. GETTING CUSTODY OF HER AND LIVING IN MICHIGAN WOULD MEAN THAT HER DAD WOULD GO FOR WEEKLY VISITATION ANYWAY AND THAT WOULD NOT MAKE HER HAPPY AT ALL. SHE ONLY WANTS TO SEE HIM DURING SUMMER AND SCHOOL BREAKS.

Are you willing to work two jobs or somehow raise funds for this custody fight? YES

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to get your daughter back and away from that awful home life? I HAVE TO AT THIS JUNCTURE. SHE'S BEEN MISERABLE FOR MONTHS AND I ONLY JUST NOW GOT THE GREEN LIGHT FROM HER THAT SHE WANTS TO MOVE AWAY AND LIVE HERE WITH ME. I NEVER INTERFERED WITH HER LIVING THERE WHILE SHE WAS DOING OK AND ALWAYS TOLD HER MY DOOR WOULD BE OPEN IF SHE EVER CHANGED HER MIND. SHE HAS NOW AND THAT'S WHAT I'M FACING.

Things to consider. THANKS!

Yeah there's no way in Hell I'd let her just pack her stuff and move in without the proper court order showing that was ok. As much as she and I WISH that were legal and there's be no ramifications, it simply isn't the case.

That's what we're thinking too. I wanted her input first before doing anything. After she told me she told him she definitely wants to move to Colorado, that's when my wheels started to turn about how to get her here.

Obviously, the best (and least expensive for everyone) way would be to draw up a mutually agreed upon parenting time agreement simply reversing custody and responsibilities and file it with the court and then she moves here before school starts in August.

I'm thinking of waiting till she goes back to MI after spring break which will be April 7th and then having a 3-way conference with her dad and her about changing things. See how it goes. If he refuses, then I can file the motion in court. That way, we'll also hopefully know the outcome of DH and BM's CS deal because he has a meeting on April 4th with her attorney to hash things out there. I'll have a clearer picture of our finances after we know what type of an impact BM is going to have.

Don't be sorry - not your fault right? LOL

Yes, he likely would be paying me more in CS than I currently pay and he did when I had full custody of her. I have also told him on several different occasions that I want my daughter back and would WAIVE my rights to CS. If that's not possible through the court, I would sign and have notarized a document stating I would pay him back every penny if he was court ordered to send it to me.

A lot of this has to do with control too. He is very stubborn and his image is a big thing to him. He'd feel like a failure if he sent her back to live with me. And with her living there, it's the ONLY thing he can hold over both of our heads.

I'm very honest with myself about her. She's no saint, but she's a good kid. She does swear but it's not like she's saying "fuck you", she'll say "dammit" if she drops something or call her cat a bitch if she swipes at her. She'd never be disrespectful to anyone. She's not into drugs or drinking, she goes to school every day and gets decent grades. She's not out sleeping with any boy that shows her a lick of attention like Stepdevil14 did last year. She's still a virgin. I can trust her 100% and she won't lie to me because she knows my foot will be planted squarely up her ass if she does.

She just doesn't connect with her dad and his gf. She likes gf's son (he's 23 and lives with them till May when he's moving into his own apt). Dad is this way: unless it benefits him, he isn't having anything to do with it. He's lazy and neglectful. Has been that way all throughout our 13 yr marriage. He already told her he won't change. He makes stupid excuses like "they were all out of birthday cakes" and didn't get her one last month for her birthday.

He claims to "forget" to get her things she asks for, but he and his gf have cigarettes every day. She had to use hand soap in the shower for 2 weeks and has to borrow tampons off her friends because he refuses to buy that kind of stuff and his gf "forgets" (she's 7 yrs older than ex and I at 47 and I think went thru menopause already because DD says she never has them in her bathroom either).

DD knows my rules. She lived with me up until 3 yrs ago. She knows I have structure, routine and rules and consequences. She's ok with that because not only do I offer that, but I also offer incentives for her to do well. She gets rewarded if she does extra chores or helps me with a project. He does nothing for her. He takes her no where. He doesn't care to even just take a nice drive and bond. He refuses to allow her friends to spend the night or for her to go to their place because then he'd have to drive her. He's just lazy.

The girlfriend doesn't want DD there. She has said that on numerous occasions as well. All I can do now is hope!

Thanks so much. I agree and all I can hope for is that a judge would see it the way you do too!

The attorney told me to wait till after spring break but yeah, once she's home, I'll be calling him. I've already made a list of reasons she'd do well here and hopefully once she gets back there and we can talk, he'll come around.

If not, the attorney said for $100, she could send him a letter on her letterhead giving him one last chance to agree to terms set forth in the modification or she's filing a motion on my behalf. She said sometimes, when they get those letters, it makes them think twice about things!

When I filed for full custody of DD to move her to Hawaii (he fought me tooth and nail), it ended up costing me over $25,000 but my ex funded it through his job. My DH doesn't have that kind of money and neither do I so we'll have to rely on the threat of it going into a long, drawn out and expensive court case and hope ex backs down.

Thanks Tuff - I do have this but it always helps to read it again!

Thanks Goingcrazy40 - I most definitely appreciate it. I wish you luck as well!