Hmmm dilemma...

So, DH just gets an email from BFC (Bitch Faced Cunt) BM saying "We have a chance to travel to Mexico this Fall. Looking at the passport requirements, all you need to do is sign and notarize your consent to allow stepdevil14 to leave the country. Remember, I'm asking for SD, not for myself, as this will give her a chance to explore traveling/culture/life".

DH is waiting to respond. For one, BM fought him tooth and nail to get 100% overnights to boost her CS payment to double of what she was getting before. And Stepdevil14 hasn't had a real conversation with her dad in MONTHS and snubbed us both at her awards ceremony in May.

I told DH he could be a real asshole here if he wanted to. She's traveling on HIS dime basically and just came back from her school trip to Washington D.C. - of which BM gave him her travel itinerary a week late!

I don't know what he's going to do here, but every ounce of me (if I were him) would deny it. His kid hates him because he doesn't bow down to her anymore and BM fought him like crazy the past few months and still breaks their new CO, yet he's supposed to roll over and just say "Yeah, now that I'm paying you double every month, sure, go on to Mexico!"?????

What say you?

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I am probably the most

I am probably the most vindictive bitch in the world when crossed so I know where you are coming from. But I think I would just sign it.

The only real reason not to sign it is when one is afraid that a child will be taken out of the country and not returned. And like you'd care if she never came back.

Think of it this way - Mexico is very unsafe these days. Maybe she will be kidnapped by marauders who will sell her into white slavery. }:) }:) }:)

Yeah I guess you're right.

Yeah I guess you're right. Either way, it's not my decision and DH will do as he sees fit. But I did mention the fact that stepdevil14 has started answering his texts the past couple of times because she WANTS something and she's UP to something and he said "well, I don't know what"...

YEP DING DING DING here it is! I can read her like a fucking open book.

^^^Yep, dangerous conditions

^^^Yep, dangerous conditions aside, I'd deny it for that reason!

Exactly my thoughts. I can

Exactly my thoughts. I can see through this kid's bullshit and I called it 2 weeks ago when he was OH SO SHOCKED that she actually responded to his text about her D.C. trip! I said she's up to something. She totally was a bitch to us at the awards ceremony and now all of a sudden she's miss chatty kathy? He also texted her again a week ago and they had a nice little conversation about her lizards at home and our chinchillas. All the while, he's thinking maybe she's finally coming around and I'm thinking "that bitch is up to something"...

I think you should try to

I think you should try to find out what the trip will be about: hanging out at a pool at the resort or touring the ruins or mingling with the locals or drinking it up in the clubs?

Have DH ask for the itinerary, who is going, what the trip is about, etc and then he can decide.

Well, SD14 will only be 15 so

Well, SD14 will only be 15 so I doubt BM will be having her hanging out in bars or clubs, but who knows?

He asked for Sd's itinerary to Washington DC as was outlined in their new court order. BM was supposed to give that to him 48 hrs prior to her flight out of Colorado. He had to email her twice and then emailed her attorney stating SD had already left and he STILL didn't have her information.

BM finally emailed a DESCRIPTION of her trip (no flight number, airlines, hotel, contact info) a WEEK later, when SD was scheduled to return to CO the next day!

He should just sign it. Will

He should just sign it. Will it really be worth the drama if he doesn't?

What drama Steppin? The kid

What drama Steppin? The kid barely acknowledges his existence as it is. Didn't even bother to call or text him on Father's Day.

No drama will ensue. If he doesn't sign, she simply can't leave the country.

So if he doesn't sign, BM

So if he doesn't sign, BM won't lose her shit??

BM can lose her shit all she

BM can lose her shit all she wants. What else can she do?

Hey Hypo! I've missed

Hey Hypo! I've missed you!

There's not too much more BM can really do. She's already PAS'd the kid, the kid doesn't give 2 shits about her father and really, it wouldn't matter if they moved anyways.

I hear ya Hypo! Part of me

I hear ya Hypo! Part of me says "I hope she goes and loves it there and they decide to move there and I never have to see them again"

Since I'm a very tit for tat

Since I'm a very tit for tat kinda bitch, I wouldn't sign it either.
The kid wants to treat him like shit, the BM wants to treat him like shit, but NOW that they need him he should just roll over and play nice?
Fuck that.
I wouldn't sign shit.

I agree Unfreaking - soooooo

I agree Unfreaking - soooooo much. He's planning on sitting on the email until BM emails him again. She never promptly responds to him, so he's playing her game.

He plans to wait to see if stepdevil14 starts contacting him on her own and then will confront her with the whole "so, you ignore me for months, don't even text or call on Father's Day and now since you NEED me to sign for your passport, you start contacting me again?"

We'll see.

If this were me, I'd have sent a quick email back to BM saying "There's no fucking chance in HELL I'm signing it". Period DOT

By all means check the travel

By all means check the travel advisory. Some places in Mexico are not safe for tourists.

Let's see - BM has already

Let's see - BM has already broken their new CO established last month on 3 separate occasions by not providing him simple things ordered by the judge (SD's medical insurance information, her itinerary for her trip out of state and other tiny items agreed upon by the both of them in mediation).

SD has been a TOTAL Bitch to DH for almost a YEAR now, barely acknowledging him, not responding to texts, calls, visits. Refusing to come over or go out to dinner with him. Snubbing him at her awards ceremony after telling him not to bother coming, she doesn't want him there.

And yet he's supposed to just roll over and sign whatever they want him to so they can go on their vacation?

Stepdown, I understand how

Stepdown, I understand how her traveling isn't going to affect DH in any way, except for the fact that he feels like by allowing her to go, he's saying "it's ok for you to treat me like shit and you're still able to go on vacation", you know?

The passport being the ONLY

The passport being the ONLY way she'd be able to travel out of the country...

I wasn't meaning to sound

I wasn't meaning to sound condescending to you Stepdown, I am sorry if it appeared that way.

And yes, he can do whatever he wants, whether it's what I'd prefer him to do or not. Since SD is already a bitch to him and doesn't want anything to do with him, he can always just tell her "well, sorry, but I don't feel Mexico is a safe place for you to travel".

Either way, it's not up to me (I do wish it were though cuz hell yeah I'd punish her after all that brat's done to him in the past year!).

He'll do whatever he sees fit, which knowing him, he'll eventually sign for it and let her go. Just because that's what he does - gives in to her no matter how she treats him.

I think he will shoot himself

I think he will shoot himself in the foot by NOT signing it. Would I WANT to sign it? Heck no. She has been a snot. Hell, my DD would have stopped talking to me if she had a choice. But she had no choice. Your SD has always been given to much power and choices for her age.

Hopefully, she will grow up and not be a turd. But if DH does not sign this, then I think he is sealing his fate with his DD.

Hopefully, she will grow up

Hopefully, she will grow up and not be a turd
________________________________________________________________________

^^^Totally made me snort and laugh out loud!

And you're right and he probably will sign it, knowing him. I'm ok with whatever he does - his kid, his problem. I just think she's a brat.

^^That may not be a bad

^^That may not be a bad thing, Lady!

>I don't know what he's going

>I don't know what he's going to do here, but every ounce of me (if I were him) would deny it<

DON'T!

Redwings, your DH should not do this. I know, I know, I know how he feels, and my heart goes out to him, but if he refuses, BFC could file a motion with the courts to have his parental rights recinded with regards to travelling out of the country. I know some people who have done this when their ex's were procrastinating with the papers. Yes, DH is in his rights to refuse, but the fallout could be disastrous. As long as BFC is not a flight risk, there is little your DH can do. I know it sucks, but maybe, MAYBE there is a chance here for your DH to counter with a "Ask stepdevil to please ask me and I will consider it..."

Drac0 - this is his decision,

Drac0 - this is his decision, not mine to make. I simply stated what *I* would do in this situation. I am not telling him what to do at all. He can do as he pleases and I simply said "I told you SD was up to something" weeks ago. I called it right out of the gate. A leopard doesn't suddenly just change its spots.

As far as getting his parental rights revoked, BM already has 100% overnights and SD refuses to even speak to her father. The state of CO only revokes parental rights in instances of abuse, drug usage, severe neglect, the NCP gets thrown in prison, etc. Not for simply saying "As her father, I don't feel comfortable with allowing my daughter who is only going to be 15 to travel to a dangerous (and yes, Mexico IS not considered a friendly country right now!) country".

^^^This is how I feel,

^^^This is how I feel, exactly 100%!

Agree!!!!

Redwings - My advise stems

Redwings - My advise stems from what a friend of mine did. He wanted to take his kids on a cruise (which included a stop in Cozumel, Mexico). After several emails, phone calls and a registered letter to his ex went unanswered, he just filed a motion to have his ex's rights recinded. The judge asked the ex why she didn't respond to the letters. The ex had the audacity to say that she "never received any notice". The judge didn't believe her and granted my friend the motion. Now my friend can take his kids out of the country whenever he wants and he doesn't even have to say ANYTHING to his ex.

DW and I spoke to our lawyer concerning this and our lawyer said that no judge that she knows of has ever denied a child the right to leave the country with a parent for a vacation when the other parent contested.

But I think in your case, your DH has an opportunity to at least open a dialogue with his daughter. Hey, if stepdevil wants to go to Mexico that badly, she is going to have to go to Daddy on bended knee.

Drac0 - I never said he

Drac0 - I never said he wasn't going to answer BM's email at all. He plans to wait on it till her second request and then do whatever he plans to do. He wouldn't just let it go unanswered.

And since SD has answered 2 of DH's texts in the past 2 weeks, I told him then that she was up to something, she wanted something.

It's all crystal clear that she's ONLY responding to him now because she knows she'll need his signature to go on vacation with her mommy.

And even if he makes her beg, he knows it's not sincere. She's simply using him to get to Mexico!

Borrowing from my Sun Tzu

Borrowing from my Sun Tzu tactics, your DH is in a position of advantage. He can either play coy and milk it for all its worth or sign the consent form without question knowing full well that if he does, that is the last he will hear from his daughter for a long while.

But hey maybe now is a good time to sneak a copy of "Borderland" in SD's mailbox...

Drac0, he recognizes he's in

Drac0, he recognizes he's in a position to make BM and SD sweat a little and he's taking FULL advantage of that by sitting on her initial email and waiting for her to make the next move. Since she's never in a hurry to respond to him or follow their new CO, he's not going to either. Give her a taste of what she's been feeding him for months now.

And SD - well, we'll know for a fact if she starts coming around and laying it on thick within the next few weeks that she's just manipulating DH so she can get her way. And guaranteed, after she's gone to Mexico (if that happens) he won't hear from her again until Christmas.

I don't know what dh should

I don't know what dh should do. I'm really torn here.

On one hand I think it would be AWESOME for her. It may give her some much needed confidence in herself. She could learn how to travel the world and do things in a foreign country. That may really boost her confidence in herself and make her feel happy. It doesn't sound like she's felt happy in a long time. That to me is important to consider.

But on the other hand, she's been so screwed up by her parents that because of this change in dh, of course she's going to hate him, you and the entire situation. So she'd hate him either way.

Thanks Anon - I agree. Sure

Thanks Anon - I agree. Sure it would be awesome for her to travel, but parts of Mexico are really unsafe from what I've heard.

And yes, she's been happy according to everyone who has seen her and reported back to us. She gets whatever she wants from BM and can do as she pleases. She has it made. And now that CS has doubled, BM isn't so stressed with money issues so now she gets even MORE.

She's going to hate DH no matter what he does. I'm not trying to sway him one way or another. I told him 2 weeks ago when SD responded to his text for the first time in MONTHS, that she was up to something. I was right.

Honestly I wouldn't and not

Honestly I wouldn't and not because of anything other than safety. Mexico has become very dangerous and kidnapping Americans is more and more prevalent due to the legalization of marijuana in Col. and Wash. Unless she is going to stay in an actual secured resort the whole time I wouldn't do it.

The legalization in Colorado

The legalization in Colorado is no big deal, trust me, we live in Colorado! Nothing has changed here because of that.

And I agree that parts of Mexico are extremely dangerous. I'm sure BM wouldn't take her to a dangerous place, but who knows?

Haha - because you KNOW all

Haha - because you KNOW all those pot heads are out kidnapping everyone!

Ummm...NOT....they are stoned and watching television and eating munchies!

LMAO MisSTEP! Yeah, if

LMAO MisSTEP! Yeah, if anything, it's gotten way more "chill" here in Colorado

It is because of the money

It is because of the money that the drug cartels are losing in Mexico, not that people in Colorado are doing the kidnapping. Think about how much revenue they are losing and how they are going to make it up. It's not that hard to figure it out...

Oh I hear ya - I get that.

Oh I hear ya - I get that. Frankly, I don't care if BM and SD do go to Mexico, it's just the principle that both can treat DH like utter shit and then as soon as they want/need something from him, well, let's pour on the sweetness and ask nicely...stupid bitches, both of them!

I just came back from Mexico.

I just came back from Mexico. Unless you are visiting Tijuana and consorting with the wrong element, there is nothing unsafe about traveling to Mexico. We stayed at a beautiful hotel in Playa Mujeres. I can't wait to go back.
If your DH wants to play the concerned Daddy he can use the DANGER excuse as his reason for not signing the documents. I still wouldn't sign them though.

I agree with you, my family

I agree with you, my family and I travel around Mexico and we are fine but I KNOW what are the wrong places to visit and what are the best places for vacations. BTW I am from Mexico, from the south east.

Yeah there's unsafe areas

Yeah there's unsafe areas everywhere - Hello! I'm from DETROIT after all...

I don't think BM would willfully put her child in harm's way by visiting a particularly dangerous destination either. She may be a super bitch, but she's not THAT dumb. Or is she?

DANG you from the D! LOL,

DANG you from the D!
LOL, went to a wedding once in the D. The bride actually set us up at The Shorecrest. I renamed it SHORE IS CRUSTY - I almost had a heart attack. I was pretty pissed that we spent $$ to attend a wedding and the guests were set up at a crack motel, while the Bride & Groom had a suite at the Sheraton. Detroit won't ever see me again, that's for sure. No offense!

No offense taken, Unfreaking

No offense taken, Unfreaking - trust me. I know what a shithole my hometown is. I took DH for the first time ever 2 years ago. He couldn't believe it looks exactly like it does on TV and in movies.

DH has refused to sign

DH has refused to sign consent letters in the past for travel. For many different reasons. I think in this case, if I didn't trust BM 1000% I would say no because it is too dangerous to travel to Mexico anymore.

LOL, shit I remember going to

LOL, shit I remember going to Acapulco a few years ago, right around the time when they found those 7 severed heads in a ditch. I think everywhere in the world is crazy dangerous right now. Fuck around, you leave your house to go grocery shopping these days and get hit by a stray bullet!
Now that I see all these scary posts, I might rethink my re-entry into Mexico!!

"you leave your house to go

"you leave your house to go grocery shopping these days and get hit by a stray bullet!

I'm almost positive my car got hit by a stray bullet two weeks ago. It was parked in a secure lot (with a guard)and the side window was hit in a way almost impossible but by something small and very hard. No way a rock could have reached it at enough velocity.

Hell, it's dangerous to

Hell, it's dangerous to travel in some parts of ARIZONA anymore because of Mexico-related criminals!

If your DH wants, he could use this as a bargaining chip. Like, "I will sign this on the condition that stepdevil meet with me once a week for (until they go because you KNOW he can't force anything after he signs)"

misSTEP - the only issue I

misSTEP - the only issue I have with the bargaining chip you suggest is that he'd be blackmailing his kid to spend time with him. For one, DH would NEVER force her to do something just to get something else in return and for two, he wants her to WANT to spend time with him, not just because if she does, she'll get to go on a trip with her mommy.

Yeah, I get that too. Just

Yeah, I get that too. Just thought maybe he'd be able to get through to her SOMEhow, even if it starts as blackmail.

I think he's going to leave

I think he's going to leave it up to her to come around and I told him "well, if she starts really laying it on thick, you know she's just manipulating you to get her way"...he agreed.

Thanks Hypo - I agree

Lemons - GOD I HEART YOU!

Lemons - GOD I HEART YOU! But I wouldn't ever wish death on stepdevil or BM. I want them to live long healthy lives as long as they do it separately from DH and I.

I can't be on the receiving end of bad karma by wishing something evil happen to them, you know? DH wishes BM would drop off the planet, but I said "Only after SD turns 19"...I DO NOT want to have to gain custody of that girl!

And you will get custody of

And you will get custody of the Mexican Hells Angel mafia babies.

OMFG I just choked on my

OMFG I just choked on my water, Lemons! Thanks!

LOL Hypo!

Redwings - here is the

Redwings - here is the info.

http://travel.state.gov/passport/forms/ds3053/ds3053_846.html

From the Colorado government

From the Colorado government website:

When applying for a passport:
A minor 14 to 17 years old, a parent or legal guardian (with ID) must be present
if the teenager does not have acceptable identification. Parental consent also may be
requested. For children younger than 14, consent and/or appearance by both parents or
legal guardians is required, as is proof of relationship (e.g., their names on the child's
certified birth certificate).

Per DH and BM's court order: If either party requests to travel with the child out of the State of Colorado or abroad, before she is age 19, both parties must consent to said travel and sign and notarize a statement stating their approval.

BM will take that to mean he

BM will take that to mean he MUST consent LOL

Wow, that's a toughie, I

Wow, that's a toughie, I think your DH is in a lose - lose situation. If he signs, she gets her way, while learning that it doesn't matter how she treats her Dad, she still comes out to the good. If he doesn't sign, she has even more reason to ignore & mistreat him. He can't win.

The vindictive soul in me, wouldn't sign. Why should he reward her bad behavior? Life doesn't really work that way, you can't go around crapping all over people and get everything you ever dreamed of.

The soft side of me, would sign. What an experience for his daughter. To travel to a foreign country, to be exposed to a different way of life, learn new things.

It's not fair, to do this to him, you know he loves her and she's counting on that love, it's manipulation to the max. It takes a toll on a person, emotionally & mentally.

Now if my SD wanted to go to Mexico, I'd buy her the one way ticket, her & BM, but they send'em back, that's my luck.

I hear ya Clydella. DH has

I hear ya Clydella. DH has said since BM didn't even give him SD's itinerary as ordered by the court when she went to DC at the beginning of this month, what makes him think she'll be responsible enough to travel to Mexico? Yup!

Spoken by a true BM ^^^^

LOL LadyFace - I won't reveal

LOL LadyFace - I won't reveal my secrets but I have a feeling you already know LOL

If she does go without DH's

If she does go without DH's consent, she faces contempt of court. She's already broken their brand new court order (was just finalized last month) THREE times in the course of a month. She already did not give DH SD's travel plans as stated in their new CO 48 hrs prior to her travel to Washington DC. Her lawyer is well informed of these breaks in their contract and within a week of DH emailing him to inform him of her disregarding the new CO, she had the 3 items corrected.

Now, I think a judge would seriously have to look at a woman taking a minor out of the COUNTRY without her father's consent. Especially since the other trip-related issues BM scoffed at with total disregard to the court order.

Court orders go both ways. BOTH parties are to abide by them. DH has given his total and 100% cooperation and follows the order to a "T". BM thinks she doesn't have to.

I believe a judge would definitely get onto BM over this if DH does press contempt charges against her if she takes the child out of the country without his consent!

^^^LadyFace - you're so

^^^LadyFace - you're so right. SD and BM are total bitches to DH and he's done nothing but take control of his own life. Fuck, shoot him right? Poor SD doesn't get spoiled, given into, babied and fawned all over like she did when he and BM first split.

DH has taken a lot from the both of them over the past couple of years and he's finally just DONE. He abides by his promises, his part of the court order, his obligations. Why do they get a free pass to walk all over him and then he should just roll over and say "ok, I'll do whatever you want?"

Part of me hopes BM DOES take the brat out of the country without DH's consent so he CAN go after her for contempt. Even if she suffers no ill effects from it, it'll still be documented for the NEXT time she fucks up and breaks their CO yet AGAIN (Which will happen).

I just wish the both of them would fall off the fucking planet and leave my poor husband alone!

ImaSmom - he'll respond.

ImaSmom - he'll respond. He's just doing what BM does to him - taking his sweet ass time.

And his reasoning for NOT signing for the passport?

1. BM has broken their new CO 3 times now in the past month.
2. She didn't give travel details/itinerary of SD's DC trip to DH within 48 hrs like court ordered
3. She had to be forced by her attorney to abide by the court order and sent the itinerary a week late, after SD was already on her return trip home
4. She's not trustworthy
5. SD can't be bothered to even call or text her father on Father's Day (or really anytime)
6. Mexico is a dangerous country to travel with minor children

I think those are legitimate reasons to not sign, don't you?

I'd just sign the thing.

I'd just sign the thing. It's the true meaning of disengagement. You just dont give a shit whether she goes or whether she doesnt

I understand hismineandours -

I understand hismineandours - but the truth is he DOES care. He's been trying to convey that for the past year to SD and she just keeps making up lies and excuses to further estrange herself from him and enmesh herself with her mom.

He doesn't want to send the message that she can treat him like shit for months and months and then he turns around and gives her exactly what she wants. It's the principle of it all for him.

Me? If this were me? I'd have sent an email back to BM right away saying "You've already broken our new court order 3 times in the month that it's been finalized, 2 incidences involved SD's travel to DC. There's no way I am going to give my consent to have her travel to a dangerous country. She doesn't even talk to me!"

I didn't read all the

I didn't read all the responses but I can tell you it is way to dangerous for a kid her age to go there. MY brother goes every year for a motorcycle run and he said it is dangerous for him let a lone a kid! It has nothing to do with her attitude or anything but too dangerous.

But if it came down to it it would tell bm to have sd call and ask if it is that important to her then she can ask!

Hey purple! Thanks for your

Hey purple! Thanks for your response. I don't know where their destination is and I know my boss has taken her BEAUTIFUL blonde 13 yr old daughter to Mexico 3 times in the past 3 yrs and says she always feels safe where they go but again, not sure where BM wants to take SD.

DH said he's going to get all the details from BM in time and see what SD does. If she starts laying it on thick after not speaking to him in months, he'll know for sure that she's just manipulating him to get his way. Either way, I don't know what he's going to do. I told him my thoughts and left it to him. His kid, his problem. He did say that he'd feel horrible if he gave his consent and something bad happened and that he may never be able to forgive himself, so I know he's chewing on that too.

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