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Religious Conflict

Rainman17's picture

Submitted by Rainman17 on Sun, 03/27/2016 - 9:43am

I have a grown daughter and son in law whom just recently had a baby girl. My daughter has been out of our house for 9 years now. She was raised in the LDS religion but when she got married decided that it wasn't for her anymore nor her husband. My husband has had a really hard time with that fact for years. He has had an intolerence for our son-in-law for a very long time. I don't understand why he does. He treats my daughter well and is a good provider. Just recently they had a baby daughter. My husband and I really wanted them to have there baby blessed and given a name in the LDS church. (They were both raised LDS.) My husband and I both wrote a letter expressing the importance of it. But they decided that they did not want to have her blessed.
A couple of weeks ago our so-in-law asked if he put in for an elk tag this year if he cold go hunting with my husband and his older sons. My husband agreed to take him with them.So he put in for the tag. Hasn't drawn yet but if he does it will cost him 300.00.
With my husband not willing to let it go about the baby blessing. Told our son in law that in order for him to go with them they need to get the baby blessed. Now my daughter and her husband are upset over the deal breaker to go hunting. I feel that I am stuck in the middle of this whole situation. I have a pretty good relationship with my daughter and I want to maintain that. And I also want to be in my grand daughters life.
But now my daughter feels that my husband is being manipulative (which he is) and does not want to come to our house for Easter dinner. I am upset with my Husband and I want him to fix it.But hes not that type. I am at a loss on what to do. Need some answers.

Comments

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Sun, 03/27/2016 - 2:32pm

I would stay far, far away from this conflict.

If I were you, I would call my adult daughter and my son-in-law, explain that you love them and respect their right to do as they see best, that you trust you raised a smart and capable adult and that you are very sorry for what your husband has said.

I would ask them to please set aside their differences, and ignore what your husband has said because whether he stands by his words or not you know they will do what they think is best anyway.

I would tell them that your love for each other is a precious gift from God that you want to cherish, and you'd like everyone to avoid discussing religious areas of disagreement if that gift might be damaged.

I would tell them that there's nothing you can do about what your husband says or does, but that you hope they still come to dinner and ignore anything unpleasant since there'll be so many pleasant things to enjoy instead.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sun, 03/27/2016 - 3:24pm

If you and DH want any kind of relationship w/your daughter and granddaughter, both of you need to butt out and let them raise their daughter how they see fit. The LDS religion is all about family right? Well then, let them be a family and love them unconditionally just like Jesus would. What would Jesus do?

Your husband is wrong to equate the cold blooded murder of an elk with the blessing a baby. I mean have the two of you thought about how hypocritical this is?! Unless you'll be sprinkling elk blood on the baby there is no correlation between the two.

Would your husband/daughter be willing to compromise and give the baby a private grandfatherly blessing; like the kind that were done in the bible? Perhaps something in your home or the home of the young couple?

Apologize swiftly, ask for their forgiveness and move on. Life is short, enjoy your grandbaby.

*former LDS here so I understand where your you, your H, daughter and SIL are coming from.

Rainman17's picture

Submitted by Rainman17 on Mon, 03/28/2016 - 9:25am

I agree with your comments. Thank you. I needed some confirmation for what I knew was wrong.
I wish I could understand where my DH is coming from when it comes to my daughter and her Husband. I think its a step child resentment issue,I have asked him about it before and he denies it. I have learned over the years to just maintain my own relationship with my daughter and keep it separate form the one I have with my DH. He isn't close to her, he just goes along for the ride. So to speak.This isn't the first time he has messed with her head before.I have some resentments that have built up over the years towards him because of the drama he causes with not only my grown Daughter but to our youngest Bio-son. He has some older boys of his own that he talks to often about our family issues and when our son does something that his Dad doesn't agree with he is on the phone telling them about it.Our son has caught his Dad in the act before. And has asked his Dad not to do it. I think it is very wrong. It hurts our sons feelings and my feelings. They are not our sons parents and they should not be involved in how our son is raised. For example my son got a Facebook account going and my husbands older sons were able to view his page, he posted some questionable funny things. My husbands grown sons viewed those posts and were on the phone ratting on our son. I can understand there concern but at the same time they do not need to tattle on there half brother. Anyway it is difficult to communicate with my DH about this because he thinks that he actions are right.I have alot of marital issues with my DH as far as our children are involved. I am glad I have signed up for steptalk.org

Rainman17's picture

Submitted by Rainman17 on Mon, 03/28/2016 - 7:44pm

My thoughts exactly. (To plan things without him.) I do go and visit with my Daughter and Granddaughter as my son in law works swing shift and I work a day shift. Your are right about me not being able to change my Husbands behavior. And I think that planning excluding my Husband from our activities for a long while is a good idea. I appreciate your input on this matter.