Well, the amazing Skid has managed to resurrect his historical lack of maturity and decisioning capability. During the TG holiday from school he managed to lie repeatedly about having turned in all of his assignments and stayed up all night playing World-of-Warcraft then being semi catatonic during usual waking hours.

When we got home Sunday we found his progress report waiting in the mailbox. It was horrendous to say the least.

So, what can I do to help him once again pull his head out of his ass? I can't do it for him but I can get him some help.

My analysis of the situation is below. Yep, I am treating this as a management problem because that is what I am good at. My Wife is surprisingly not aggravated by this. This is one of those situations where it is my turn to be the reasonable one because Mom is ready to kill him.

He is really a very intelligent and well behaved kid. But his inability to tell the truth when asked a direct question and inability to make a viable basic decision is breaking my heart. His Mom’s too.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks and best regards,

Issues: Currently The Skid is not performing either academically or at a maturity level adequate enough to facilitate graduation from high school or to be self sufficient as a young adult in the job market.

Goal: Provide support, guidance and structure to allow The Skid to complete his high school education and develop the maturity and decisioning skills necessary for him to perform as a viable adult.

As is condition: The Skid is in a highly structured environment that provides him with adequate direction to function at a basic level as far as personal hygiene, clean clothes, food and shelter. When in NEW CADET status oversight was stringent enough to drive adequate academic and community performance. Transition to OLD CADET status has removed oversight to the point that The Skid’s inherent maturity and decisioning deficits are no longer controlled by external authority.

Academic/Community performance:

Deportment – F. Primarily caused by sleeping in class. Likely the result of late night gaming which results in a semi catatonic state during usual waking hours.

English – F. The Skid’s high level of intelligence and historic reading and communications skills indicate that this is not an ability issue. Recent and historical performance indicates that this is the direct result of failure to complete or turn in regular assignments.

Calculus – F. Possibly due in part to a lack of understanding of highly conceptual course content. This is likely aggravated by failure to complete and turn in work and remaining in a semi catatonic state during normal waking hours.

Physics – D. Due to multiple missing assignments. F level credit for missing assignments would result in a C+ to B- grade. Current performance is likely aggravated due to lack of sleep and historical maturity and decisioning deficits.

Economics – C-. Significant recent degradation of performance likely due to gaming/sleep issues.

Band – A. Lack of challenge and memorization of repetitive music selection allows The Skid to perform at an A level while semi catatonic.

Leadership – B. Significant recent degradation of performance likely due to gaming/sleep issues.

Basic Athletics – A. Participation in RIFLE DRILL TEAM at a high level of dedication and interest is the likely cause of performance in this area. Indicates that when he is interested he performs well. He has similar dedication and interest in World-of-Warcraft on-line gaming.

Senior Seminar – Pass. Absences in this activity have resulted in a high number of punishment tours (Marching in a big square for an hour per demerit tour). The pain associated with the decision to skip this class will likely prevent future absences.

Summary of issues and performance: The Skid has neither the maturity nor decisioning ability to prioritize and choose the appropriate action to take when not under total oversight of an external authority providing external motivation. Historical behaviors have resurfaced with the removal of RAT authority status and regression in performance and maturity is the result.

MILITARY SCHOOL, though overall a positive experience for The Skid, has not resulted in adequate maturation towards adult capabilities and performance that should be present in a 17 year old approaching adulthood.

In addition to historic proven maturity and decisioning deficits, it is highly possible that The Skid has an addictive/obsessive/compulsive issue with computer/video gaming. It is also possible that depression is a factor in the current situation potentially driven by The Skid’s awareness that adulthood is looming and that he is not emotionally prepared to enter adulthood.

Resources/Assets:

1. The Skid is a highly intelligent well behaved young man. He is capable of performing well both academically and in a work environment. He has the character potential to develop to a viable adult.
2. ~$xx,xxx.xx +/- per year for education or counseling support.
3. Time: The Skid is a young 17 year old high school senior. There is no critical requirement for him to graduate from high school in May 2009. There is adequate time for him to both graduate from high school, successfully complete college and develop the personal character and maturity to successfully transition to adulthood without lasting negative impact to his future opportunities.
4. Supportive family environment. He has dedicated parents who want what is best for him and who have the ability to provide the time/physical/financial resources necessary for The Skid to successfully complete high school, college and develop the personal abilities and character to make effective daily and life decisions.

Options:

1. Stay the course at MILITARY SCHOOL while engaging the school to drive more strict oversight of The Skid’s decisions, time and work completion.
a. Distance from Mom and Dad does not allow for significant parental participation and oversight of the situation.
b. Consumes significant financial resources which limit options for addressing maturity and decisioning deficit issues.
c. Will likely result in failure to complete high school.
d. Will likely result in expulsion from MILITARY SCHOOL or The Skid not being invited back.
2. Bring The Skid home to complete his high school education at LOCAL High School.
a. Potential emotional impact to The Skid. Likely a short term issue but possibly significantly painful on a personal level for The Skid, Mom and Dad.
b. Education is funded by current rent levels.
c. Allows use of financial resources to address maturity, decisioning and emotional health issues.

Threats:

1. Total withdrawal by The Skid with associated defiance.
2. Inconsistent participation by the SpermClan. BioDad though concerned with current grades is adamant that The Skid be able to play on-line/video games when he is through with his other responsibilities. BioDad does not “get it” and is enabling The Skid to avoid accountability.

Key Success Factors:

1. Parental alignment on path forward to provide The Skid with all available support to address issues and transition successfully to adulthood (education/maturity/decisioning/etc…)
2. Calm consistent guidance, communication and behavior from parents (primarily DAD).
3. Engagement and participation by The Skid in addressing the issues and progressing towards educational, maturity and adult goals.
4. Defined path forward with target milestones.
5. Structured daily family schedule including defined responsibilities for each family member in the home, consistent wake and sleep times, consistent work hours, exercise time as a family, frequent vacations/excursions designed to grow family bonding and trust.
6. Direct and frequent engagement with school and counseling staff to address, adjust and improve school and personal performance.
7. Mom and Dad retain final decisioning authority on use of resources and what behaviors/decisions are acceptable from The Skid.
8. Treat The Skid as an adult and require consistent adult performance from The Skid.
9. Consistent family and Skid counseling sessions with a behavioral therapist. Address possible Skid depression issues.
10. All members of the family treat each other with respect and have the right to stop the conversation until a later time when everyone is calm.