I read a thing on parenting recently that piqued my interest and now I can't find it. But I do recall the basic message.
The premise of the article is something along the lines below.
What differentiates good parents from successful parents is raising kids to use their heads beyond just complying with rules. Rules are the foundation that parents should use to launch kids into the realm of rational analysis about their choices. For kids that can't or refuse to make that advancement then they have no choice but to comply with the rules or suffer the consequences. Kids who can move to a state of proactive rational analysis of their decisions rarely struggle with rules.
The article did not go into the how, it only went into the top level differences.
As a rules and behavioral standards guy this made me deeply consider if I have actually been an optimal parent to my Skid. I do believe that my wife and I have done a pretty good job with the kid. Though we did have some periods where we all struggled with kid behaviors and how to parent through the challenging times one consistent message we delivered was to ask our son why he chose to do the things he chose..... as we applied the consequences for his deviation from the rules when he did violate them. We did this whether he chose wisely or poorly.
My wife spends more time with our son than I did since we have been on our expat adventure. She goes home a few times a year and I usually only go once (with the exception of the Morocco assignment where we both got home for a week or two every couple of months).
She is always saying "He sounds just like you." with regular references to some observation he has made regarding his own decisioning or the decisioning of others.
Now... If I can only get myself raised using the same methods that seem to have worked for the kid. 
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My parents had a similar
My parents had a similar thought-provoking method, primarily used when kids were about to make a decision. It was essentially, "What if..." For example, "What if Mary's mom isn't there to pick you up. How will you get home?" Leading kid to the answer, "I better have some money left over for bus fare just in case."
This worked on two of us, one of us not so much. My brother still doesn't think about potentialities nor impacts of his decisions. Since we are all AARP age, that cast is set!
Rags, consider it the ultimate compliment if your SS is using your style of thought process. You obviously had a profound and important role in this young man's life. Kudos to you for doing so and kudos to your wife for seeing your value and working together as a team.
This seems to have a greater success rate with men/boys than girls. Too much territorialism with females, I think.
I rarely see SD26 but when I do, I reminded how I have had absolutely no impact nor bearing on her life whatsoever. I am like a string on the bottom of her father's pant leg she can't cut off - annoying but not substantive enough worth mentioning.
I think this is an
I think this is an interesting concept and something we practice to some extent. SD is 5 but we try to make her choose whether or not she's going to follow a rule, then if she chooses not to, there is a consequence. For example, "if you don't clean your room tonight, your favourite toys will be taken away, so you can sit and play for a while but if I were you, I'd start cleaning." Often times, she's smart enough to understand that she should clean her room BEFORE she plays, but we don't outright tell her "clean your room right now or else" because we want her to learn how to make good decisions that don't result in consequences.
This is kind of similar to the experiment where kids are given a choice: you can have one marshmallow now or you can wait thirty minutes and have two marshmallows. Most kids will take the first one without a second thought, but if you can raise your kid to be the type to wait thirty minutes for an even greater reward, I think that's awesome. We are working on this, too, because delayed satisfaction is always better than instant gratification.