So, in the tradition of John, Kate and several members of the the Stalker community ......... On Thursday of last week my Wife decided to finally dish on what has been bothering her for the past few months. This was not a total surprise because I have been picking up on some less than tender body language, looking away from me when I have made attempts at good natured flirting, etc.......

So, wanna guess what the problem was? Anyone, anyone ......... Sex! Whewww was I relieved. (No, really. I was relieved. Sex I can fix) I thought she was going to throw the D-word or tell me she had been unfaithful which would have been tantamount to throwing the D-word.

But, nope ...... just that our efforts at intimacy the past few months have been less than fulfilling. I was incredibly relieved. I have had the same frustrations. Things have not been up to their usual very high standard. If it is not good for her, it is not good for me. Not that I have not been getting mine. I have. However, usually I get mine long after she has gotten several of hers. But, for some reason things have been happening significantly earlier for me than they historically do.

Oh yah, and that I can be too intense in my opinions and overbearing in my expression of frustration with politics and stupid people. Good point Baby, I will work to tone it down a bit.

Being an Engineer I went immediately to the change in physical dimensions that we have both experienced since we first married. We have both gotten a little (Okay, a whole lot) fluffy in the past 15 years. But ....... we both agreed that the others weight gain was not the issue. She is spectacular and I still catch a glimpse in the mirror of my former glory in the looks department. I told her completely truthfully that she turns me on, she concurred from her perspective.

She said that at first that she thought it was just her usual stress reaction to tax season. CPAs take tax season very seriously apparently......... :? But when tax season passed and she was still feeling a bit depressed about the issue she apparently started to get a little bitter about it and that bitterness was starting to be directed towards me.

As she went on to explain it, it is just that she has not consistently gotten "there" in the past few months when she is used to getting "there" several times when we are intimate for my ONE (or maybe TWO). Oh the inequities of being a Man. You Ladies have unlimited shots (with enough attention and effort) and us guys are usually spent after the first one.

So, she tells me this in a crowded restaurant where we are sitting in a back corner table. She just could not wait any longer to address the topic. The night before I had looked at her, seen the look away, so I turned off the tube and told her that I was getting frustrated with repeatedly and regularly asking her what was wrong and getting the "I don't know" or "Nothing" or "What do you want me to say". "I don't know" ended my first marriage so I get a bit tense when "I don't know" comes up in reference to a question about what is bothering her. While at work on Thursday she cogitated on the topic and finally came to the conclusion that I REALLY did want to know what has been bothering her and that she owed it to me to tell me.

We discussed it, she shed a few tears, we agreed that neither of us have ever gotten to the point that we were either tempted or interested in calling it quits. Then our phones rang, it was our kid looking for a ride home from his evening with his friends. My wife went to get him in her car, and I headed home in mine. (we live half way between our jobs and the kid had to go to meet friends past my location so we met at the restaurant)

That was the longest drive of my life. I had several less than pleasant epiphanies. If we were to divorce I would no longer have my Son. Monster wussy Man sobs on that thought. We have built an incredible life over the past 15 years and I have not done anything that was not for the benefit of her or our family. More monster wussy man sobs on the thought of that ending......... and a few more monster wussy man sobs for good measure. I felt like puking at one point. I have not cried that hard since my little Bro died a long, long time ago. It actually felt pretty good.

We talked some more when we got home we laughed, we cried, it was wonderful. :? Okay, not so wonderful but it was cathartic and I have to say that I felt more alive during my sobful drive and our emotionally tense talk than I have in months. I also realized that I had probably been mildly depressed for the past couple of months trying to figure out the non verbal "hints" she had been dropping that something was wrong. And I don't get depressed. Or at least not depressed enough to recognize it if it is happening.

So, we finished talking, went up to bed and could not keep our hands off of each other. She had her multiples, I could have gone all night and one incredible role in the hay seemingly reset us back on a positive track. So, Friday night was exhausting, and Saturday night. I would never admit this to her but my pudgy 45yr old ass is dragging and keeping up with her peaking 33yr old appetite may do me in. With a big old smile on both of our faces }:)

I put her on a plane on Sunday afternoon for a Bean Counter conference and CPE seminar. She has been calling me or texting me just about constantly. Apparently reestablishing or at least reconnecting in intimate intensity can over come some tensions. Which makes perfect sense since the issue was intimate fulfillment to begin with.

I applaud her courage for finally spitting it out. That took a lot of guts and I am proud of her bravery. I made one request.

Next time don't wait 3months to tell me. PLEASE!

Love ya baby!

So, now that I have torn up the very last copy of my Man Card and effectively stomped it in to the mud. I will call it a night and get some rest for her return home on Wed evening. I am sure I will need my rest.t o

I did a little bit of research on a suspicion I have been having. I think that part of what we are both dealing with is a bit of Empty Nest Syndrome. With our Son (my SS) off at Boarding School for most of the year I think we are dealing with some realignment in our marriage. Hopefully our passionate make up sex is an indicator that we are in the group that connects more strongly through the Empty Nest transition rather than the group that finds that they have nothing in common but their kids.

Holy crap you ladies are an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, cloaked in a conundrum. Why can't you make it a bit easier on us poor simple linear thinking Men?

Best regards,