So, I have decided that disengaging is a bit like chess. For so long DH and I have been the pawns in a torrid game between, MIL, BM, SIL and at time SD12 and SS18.
I disengaged from BM ages ago (without even realising) and then MIL just recently due to offering a place to stay over christmas to BM. I brought DH in on the disengaging secret, who at first thought it was un-intentional, then due to recent dramas has realised it is completely intentional and the drama has been in his life for a long time.
So, instead of us being pawns, we have chosen our own path, we have been in-different to comments eg: MIL over-reacting to news that BM thought she was staying for christmas and christmas dinner, SIL asking what we thought of BM staying with her instead, SIL totally spazzing out because of our indifference....the list goes on.
So the new pawn texts last night (MIL) saying that BM will not be staying, BM text DH saying he's a pain in the arse and he will have to pick the kids up, (a move that we had already predicted) to which he responds, 'No, problem'.
We make the rules, we decide what our moves will be, and I tell you what, i'm rubbish at Chess, but in real life, i'm pretty good, disengaging is the way to go.