stepping makes me question my sanity
This is really bothering me and I feel like maybe I'm overreacting; I'd welcome any perspective the wise ladies (and gents) here can offer.
So here's the situation: I work full time and am in school to boot. This means my schedule right now is hectic, to say the least. Mondays through Wednesdays are long days for me - usually 13+hours, with me not getting home until well past 8pm. Thursdays are a little better because I don't work, but I do have school, and so it's another night I get home past 8. I work on Fridays but don't have class, so I'm usually home shortly after 6.
So, the skids are with BM for her week. FDH was given 4 tickets to a minor league baseball game tonight, on BM's time. He decided that if she didn't already have plans with the skids, he'd give them the tickets so she could take them. No problem there.
Then, FDH started hemming and hawing about how maybe he should just take them to the game since BM is flighty and would likely say yes to the tickets and then bail at the last minute. He asked if I would meet them there after I got off work.
Ummm, no. For several reasons. I'm not a baseball fan, it would be stupid to be trying to park two vehicles downtown, and the heart of the matter: I have ONE night that I get home at a decent enough hour to do anything. Skids were with us last Friday, and they'll be with us next Friday. So, sorry, but I have no fucking desire to spend THREE Fridays in a row with his spawn. I certainly don't hate them, but I am a childless hard working woman who wants to be able to enjoy a Friday night once in a while. I was hoping we'd be able to go out to dinner or something, though we didn't have anything explicitly planned.
When he asked BM if she had anything planned for tonight, she told him she was working. So guess where he is? At the game with the skids. And guess where I am? Home alone, getting ready to work on a project for school.
I find that I am getting more and more pissed off, but then it seems stupid, so I am constantly arguing with myself. On the one hand, I am pissed because yet again he's put himself in the position of bailing out BM. Oh the poor skids - they'd have been sitting home alone on a Friday night. Like I am now. But then I start to feel like I should have just gone, or not gone but not become annoyed by it. I feel like a horrible person for wanting FDH all to myself once in a while.
UGH. Too many feelings about such a silly thing.
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Comments
I don't think it's silly at
I don't think it's silly at all to have all those feelings over the situation! You are a very busy person and not having kids you most likely look forward to this alone time with your man. I can see how he may have wanted to do something nice for his kids, but he needs to consider you first in this situation. It should have been a discussion about what you would have liked to do together since it was supposed to be "child free" time. I would have been pissed in this situation! I think it's hard when you blend families, but men don't seem to consider their childless partners very often. You didn't have kids coming into the relationship and while you knew they were a part of his life you still need alone time. It's got to be a tough adjustment.
Thank you! It has truly been
Thank you! It has truly been a tough adjustment. I really enjoying spending time with just FDH, and I look forward to it and treasure it. Since he is the CP, it doesn't happen super often.
The other part of this that irks me is that if he really wanted to take them to a game, he could have done it on HIS time even without free tickets. It's a pretty cheap ballpark - tickets for the 3 of them would have run $25 max. It's not like these free tickets were the only time he could have taken them.
I think especially with such
I think especially with such a packed schedule. You and your DH need to plan & agree on a set couple time. I know how your feel, lost in the shuffle.
You are completely sane.
You are completely sane. There is no point at all in quashing your needs and feelings to the point where you live in constant resentment - because a divorce is usually the next step after this.
Let your FDH know that YOU need to be put first - not always - just sometimes. Make sure he doesn't lose sight of the importance of taking care of his partner and himself as well as his kids.
Your last line - Too many feelings about such a silly thing - sometimes a "silly thing" is the last straw that breaks the camel's back. Pay attention to your feelings - they aren't silly.
How awful of you to want to
How awful of you to want to spend a kid-free Friday night with your hubby!
Sounds like he's feeling guilty.