Welp. That did it.

So as many of you know. Separated from H. He had an affair, is crazy, got engaged to the b*** he had an affair with, I (stupidly) gave him anoother chance, he continued to lie, I moved out, we did counseling, he's still a jacka$$, and now that brings us to last night.

I went to watch the kids last night (he had january figured out, then his mom got fired, and started a new job, so she can't help during her training schedule, so I told him I'd watch them a bit longer) He. Got. A. Cat. Kitty is cute, I'll give it that. Kitty also hates dogs. My older pupper went to say hi. Tail wagging, ears perked, head tilting, 300% non-agressive (proud momma here, we've been working hard on that!) Kitty swiped and broke off a claw IN HIS EYE LID. So then I spent the evening fishing a claw out. Thankfully my older furbaby was a champ and didn't argue at all while I got it out. He's doing fine.

I went to walmart. to get a money order, to pay HIS rent (long story, not going into that.) and I locked myself out of the car. H knew I was at walmart getting the money order. Easy fix, I called my coworker, asked if he could swing by and bring me back to work, my spare key is at his house. Easy. He agrees. Then a guy walks over, asks if I'm locked out, and he just so happens to have a car kit so he can let me in. I let coworker know. I was sooo grateful. Ah. During this H tries to call a bajillion times. I send him a text asking him to chill and I'll call him later. I get a "why?" but I'm dealing with other stuff so I ignore. So.... HE SHOWS UP AND PULLS THE CAR RIGHT NEXT TO MINE. I went over and told him he needed to stop with the stalking crap... He pulls out a jar of coins and said he's not. Then gets pissed off and tries to come over. Homie helping me with the car tells him he should stop. So he storms into the store mumbling something about me being his wife.

He called me shortly after I left (So probs watching my car). I told him off, becuase I'm not playing this game. And he told me he "wasn't stalking" Only called to "avoid me in case I was getting stuff for my 'Other' house that would upset him." and only "showed up to cash his coins." (sounded to convenient to me... tbh... So I said so.) Apparently I need to "stop comparing him to his old self." IDK.

Anyways, when I went to drop rent today, I talked to the landlord. She told me I'm still on the hook for next month, but to let her know in the next few weeks and if he hasn't come in to sign a solo lease, then she'll just terminate it instead. Also her husband is a lawyer. He's going to send an estimate on helping with a divorce. AND I already contacted another lawyer about it too. So I'm getting estimates in.

Becuase frankly. He's getting stalkerish. I don't trust him. And I was thinking maybe we could somehow get it back. But this kind of shows me we can't. Because he's never going to change.

In other news, I also looked at a house during lunch

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Yay! The clarity has finally

Yay! The clarity has finally come.

Please just protect yourself during the next phase. He's not going to take this well.

GETTING stalkerish??? Good

GETTING stalkerish??? Good grief, woman.

Everything he did last night - Every.Single.Thing. - freaking SCREAMS "stalker". SCREAMS IT!!!

Tripolar needs to figure out another option for childcare. YESTERDAY. He may not know it yet, but you're getting divorced.

BTW, please be careful and be VERY aware of your surroundings when you file. I'm truly worried he will flip his shizzit.

ETA: that excuse with the coins was just that: a bullsh!t excuse. I know it. You know it. He knows it. But he thinks you're too dumb to know it.

I did know it was an excuse.

I did know it was an excuse. And I told him so.

GOOD.

I'd like to take that bag of coins, stand on a skyscraper, and drop them square on his junk. Asshat.

I remember back in the day

I remember back in the day when we talked about people being dickmatized, glad to see his is finally wearing off on you.

LMAO. That wore off ages ago.

LMAO. That wore off ages ago. He's been pissed bevcause I have NO SEX DRIVE. Haven't for a while. Weird how that works...

My biggest hold up has been losing the girls tbh.

Jeez, I cannot imagine why

Jeez, I cannot imagine why you have NO sex drive. After all, who doesn't want to boink a lying, cheating, narcissistic, tripolar control freak? ~bats lashes~

Funny (or not) that people

Funny (or not) that people like this are all the same. They just can not wrap their mind around someone not wanting them and just "giving up". It's like they really think YOU should be trying harder to please them...

Sorry that you had to

Sorry that you had to experience this crap, I hope your dog is recovering well.

I am glad though that you are starting to map out a path to a new life. Take control and move forwards in a direction that brings you joy and excitement for the possibilites that lay ahead of you. Your world has been opening up since you left this idiot and will only keep getting better as you leave him further behind.

Are you ready to stop the couples therapy yet?

He'll be fine. He's a great

He'll be fine. He's a great furbaby! Anxious about new things and people. But really a darling and has such a goofy personality! Thankfully he lets me near his eye, so i got everything out and now I should be able to keep it clean with ease.

Please please please please

Please please please please pretty please, do not spend another minute of your life on this insufferable jerk. NOTHING has changed. He is NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. I truly hope that you will banish all thoughts of reconciliation and move on with your life. Write him off as a learning experience and be done. You are too kind and good of a person to waste yourself on him. It sounds like you're moving in the right direction - keep it up and take care of YOU.

You and your husband were

You and your husband were separated and he got engaged to someone else. Am I reading this right? WALK AWAY! Don't waist your time with anything else he says or does. You took him back and now he thinks he owns you. He played you. And he is going to get more aggressive because he thinks you are going to take his sorry a$$ back again. Just stop the madness and walk away. No contact.

Queen, they were still

Queen, they were still MARRIED. PA had no idea he was cheating on her, much less engaged to someone else!

He can't handle one woman

He can't handle one woman what makes him think he can handle 2. And doesn't he have a crazy mother. OMG This isn't about sex for him it is all about control. And if he bought the other woman a ring (diamond) that ring would go right up his a hole.

Oh, he's a MAJOR control

Oh, he's a MAJOR control freak.

I'm thinking his plan was to string along both women. No ring purchase; they apparently window shopped.

How the h@ll does one get

How the h@ll does one get engaged while still married.....

By proposing to a b**** a$$

By proposing to a b**** a$$ floozy behind his wife's back...

LMAO. We were married, I was

LMAO. We were married, I was supporting the a$$hole thorugh school. AND HE GOT ENGAGED TO A RANDOM A$$ B**** FLOOZY. And my dumba$$ took him back. LIke an idiot.

Oh wow....have you watched

Oh wow....have you watched that YOU series on Netflix? Yep, it's over. I'm so glad you are opening your eyes. Can you stay no contact now? Forget watching the kids, that's HIS problem to fix, not yours.

For your doggy, see if you can pick up some colloidal silver and apply to the eyelid once/twice a day if you ARE still going over there. They are yours, right? When can you bring them with you?

Let him rot, he's not worth another second of your time.

I have not. But it may be

I have not. But it may be worth watching.

My dogs are with me. They'd been going back and forth with me is all. But they're mine and they live with me at coworkers. I'll pick some up and use it on him Looking now to see where I can get it.

A health store, some walgreen

A health store, some walgreen's/rite aids may have it too..if not Amazon prime. I use it all the time on any injuries, cuts, etc....avoided plenty of vet bills. It calls bacteria and heals in way less time then any antibiotic cream/round. Thrilled to know you have your pups with you.

It calls bacteria

It calls bacteria

That immediately made me think of Smile's Prid.

I'll order some!

I'm glad too. I'm looking into getting them into training classes too. I really feel they've suffered through the duration of this mess, stress doesn't equate to a lot of dog training and one on one time that they deserve. :( So it's time they get some major focus.

I know I have zero right to

I know I have zero right to ask you this PA but what is it about this man that you have held on for as long as you have? Something is blocking you from moving on. He has done everything wrong so please don't take this the wrong way (please) but it is you who can't see things for what they truly are. You will never see it if you keep seeing him, talking to him, you need to have zero contact until you can move on. You deserve better and it is you who can make that happen. Only you.<3

I’m glad to read this. I’m

I’m glad to read this. I’m sure you’ve thought it through, but it might be ideal to move somewhere new that he doesn’t know about before he’s served with any papers. From reading your blogs, his behavior is just continuously escalating without any legitimate triggers whatsoever. I can only imagine what he’ll do once you file.

Maybe I missed it, but how did he know exactly where you were? Are you sure he doesn’t have some way to track your location? There are tiny gps locators that can easily be hidden in a car, so you might thoroughly toss yours to make sure there is nothing like that in there.

PS. Please don’t beat

PS. Please don’t beat yourself up for taking him back after the cheating. A lot of marriages successfully recover from infidelity and if that had been the only major problem in your relationship, it would have been reasonable to think that you had a chance to mend things. I don’t think you were an idiot at all to give him another chance, it was remarkably brave if you actually. He is the one who hears all the blame, not you.

Yes he has something

Yes he has something installed on her phone that lets him watch her, she has something on his phone too. Apparently it was advised by a therapist

It needs to come off of her

It needs to come off of her phone. He will likely sh!t a ring around himself when it does...

WTF? Why in the world would

WTF? Why in the world would a therapist recommend that she let him watch her through her phone? I can understand her being able to watch him, since he's a low life lying cheater, but him watching her? Let's enable the crazed stalker why don't we.

Oh, yeah, and

if you have the same apple ID account on your phone he wouldn't need the tracker, he could just use Find My iPhone.

You may want to buy a new phone and change your number.

You can turn off Find my

You can turn off Find my iPhone.

What they have is more

She said they have life360. I don’t pretend to understand why PA isn’t turning it off. You can’t claim being stalked if you give a person access to your location 24/7

i have that app

i hide it on Chef's phone but I can see where Chef is at for business purposes. Obviously it is not hidden on the stalker's phone.

No. Life 360 gotlocation

No. Life 360 gotlocation turned off a few weeks ago after he was abusing it. Literally checking my battery life to see exactly when i was using my phone or might be on a phone call.

That is freaking nuts! Glad

That is freaking nuts! Glad you turned that off. I think you should get a new phone and phone number too and just cut him off completely. Like others have suggested.

Yep, with Security Layers

... so your service provider cannot give any account info to this "husband" stalker sicko that you are freeing yourself from.

Stay safe, PA. I long for the day I'm reading your "My Divorce is FINAL & XD*ckHead 100% PERMANENTLY GHOSTED!" blog.

You got this, Freedom Fighter! I am proud of you for taking The Next Right Action and getting those quotes. Knowledge is power.

Oh good lord. I just have

Oh good lord. I just have missed that. I am dumbfounded that a therapist would advise that. So frightening. I’d be so paranoid that I would ditch the phone altogether and set up a completely new one.

It was so she can watch him

It was so she can watch him to make sure he doesn’t cheat. Somehow turned out he should watch her too. I think that’s why he is so nasty to her. This app they have makes it harder for him to cheat

I wouldn't be surprised if he

I wouldn't be surprised if he got a tracfone so he can leave the regular one at home. Plus, no record of texting/calling with his cheatmates.

If one wants to cheat he will

If one wants to cheat he will cheat and having app on his phone won’t stop it. It just makes it a bit harder

I eventually do plan to move.

I eventually do plan to move. I'm going to stay local for a bit, I have a good job and am spread pretty thin financially. But that way I have somethign stable while I figure out my next steps.

Well. Even though I had some tech savvy coworkers check he wasn't tracking on my phone... We all somehow missed the "find my friends" app... He had me on there... Second i removed him he requested it. It obviously got declined. lol So yes he did... But I've fixed that. And I'll go ahead and toss the car too.

I remember my epiphany moment

I remember my epiphany moment. It wasn't a big, huge, screaming fest. It was one simple action. It was him shushing me in public after we had already separated and I was trying to figure out if I would go back to him. I almost DID go back to him.

But when it happens, it happens. Every bit of guilt, anger, animosity, confusion - all of it goes when you have that epiphany. All the stupid things you let slide hit you. You wonder how you could be so stupid.

His crazy will ramp up. It's a good idea to block him and his family. I'd keep living with your coworker until after the divorce is final, if they'll let you stay, for safety reasons. I'm very thankful now that I was living with my dad because I think that tempered my XH's actions.

If you can, make sure any paperwork has a PO Box address. And don't be afraid to reach out to any local women's shelter. Most offer services for helping people escape bad relationships, even if you don't live at the shelter. Had I realized I was being abused, I would have gone myself.

Also, be very honest with yourself about where your weaknesses are. I know I'm susceptible to gaslighting because I have anxiety and already over think things. It's not hard to convince me that I'm the problem, and I ruminate on that. Work with your therapist to identify some weakness triggers and how to combat them. Your STBXH knows them, too, and will exploit them.

All of my love to you, sweets. I really hate this for you.

Two thoughts

You may want to talk to a lawyer about including a restraining order since he appears to come unhinged over tiny things.

And, thinking of the coins, it may not be a bad idea to have a sock full of coins at the ready in case you need a weapon, I mean, in case you need some quick cash.

I may talk to him about it.

I may talk to him about it. I'm TRYING to avoid it simply so Psycho doesn't have any ammo to use against him and get the skids. He's a s*** husband, but a good dad. And the skids already drew the short end here. But I may bring it up. At least a temporary one.

LMAO. I carry a glock and a knife and do kickboxing. IF i need a weopon, I should be able to hold him off just long enough to get away (probs still can't take him... Dude is trained.)

Awareness

... is your best weapon. And you are aware this is real, and he's real sick beyond what you could ever hope to help or cure.

this just happened recently in my area

Be VERY careful. this poor woman lost her husband to cancer then this evil dude is her BF for ten years...even going into business with her, (AG83 hope you are seeing this) when she kicked his ass out and started dating again, her stalker ex-BF stabbed her to death and seriously wounded her new BF. The ex has a cold dead narcissistic evil stare.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mpnnow.com/news/20200106/family-describ...

Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!

Please listen to all the wise ladies here. Make your checklist.

Stop watching the kids
Stop doing any damn thing for this effer
File for divorce AND Restraining Order
Block that skeezy lil effer AND his family on phone and email
WATCH YOUR SIX

Willing to bet a C note he comes unhinged. You be real careful young lady. Lots of folks care about you.

She can’t file restraining

She can’t file restraining order if she gave him access to her location 24/7 via phone app and if she goes to his house all the time or they go out hanging out. That’s not how restraining order works.

I don’t understand why people

I don’t understand why people advise to get restraining order.

You can’t get restraint order and claim you are being stalked and are in danger if you keep going to his house, bring your dogs, call him, pay his bills, watch his kids, take him out, pay for entertainment etc you’ll never be able to prove that you are in danger. More so you gave him access to your location so how can you say he is stalking you?

When peopke are in danger they avoid people they are afraid of. He has ton of evidence that you keep coming back to him, so you can’t claim he is stalking you.

You really need to see a therapist. Please do so. Something just isn’t right. A man is engaged to someone else while married to you and you still financially support him. Something is off here. You need to figure it out or your next man will be just as bad. Or worse. The only reason he is staying married to you and screws on the side is you supporting him financially. He knows no other women would. So this marriage is very beneficial to him. What’s in it for you?

Blunt as it is, this is very

Blunt as it is, this is very true.

Your stbx is a paramedic... Does he have friends in law enforcement now? One of the favorites of a narcissist is to make YOU look "crazy". Do not feed into that and file for a RO when you are contacting him.

Stop contacting and accepting his contact. If he violates your wish, repeatedly, then and only then will you be able to try and get a RO.

Why are you going to stay in this town/area? For awhile you were talking of moving (the whole "family") to a better location that offered more and better paying career opportunities. Why do you want to rent a house in the same town? Perhaps you should now consider moving to where career opportunities are better; you are no longer tied to that town! Or move back home!

UGH!

no offense but the majority of paramedics have latent "hero" issues and are self aggrandizing at the very least. my first husband was one. They are very clever and smart but have ego issues and some have a macabre fixation.

RUN!!

His co-worker's advice to him

His co-worker's advice to him when we separated was to "just to bang someone else and get it out of your system." They have egos to the damn moon. And so does he.

He does not. He knows a few,

He does not. He knows a few, but as he decided myself and him ONLY need each other (and all the girls he was talking to...) he hasn't gotten close to very many people.

So the stay here would be temporary. I'm in a s***y financial situation, so it gives me the chance to get out of it in the mean time. I have a good job that I get to travel now for (job is much better whe you can travel... I couldn't previously due to H and needing to overcompensate there) and am up for another raise in March. I'd just be here long enough to actually get a saving's account again and figure out my next step. I do have a support system here, some very good friends now. Plus I'm working on some certifications, once I get those I plan on finding employment there as well.

My family HAS offered to have me move back, but that wouldn't last long. My mom and I have a tendency to butt heads, and there are certain aspects of my childhood I do not want to relive. We definitley do better from a distance.

Exactly this^^^

PA please take care of yourself, your H is dangerous. How did he know exactly where you were? You need to get away from him, can you move back to where your family live and file from there? Why stay somewhere with so much drama, and more importantly, where there is someone who’s behaviour is escalating the way his is?

I get that the girls mean as much to you as they do, but at some point you need to value your own life over their happiness. Their father is a major liability to you, and your safety MUST come first. If you keep going to him, allowing him access to your whereabouts, watching his children, etc you’re making it much harder to prove that any of this is actually a problem for you.

Please consider your safety before anything & everything else. Get the eff out of there and stop engaging with this lunatic. If it means selling your car & getting a new phone to get rid of any tracking devices that might exist, then do it. Take care of yourself.

I’m going to only assume you

I’m going to only assume you paid the rent bc your name is on that lease-if it lapses you’ll be on the hook for that.

First step: Delete that app you’re tracking each other with. There’s NO reason for it to be there anymore.

Second-as close as you might be, you cannot watch these kids anymore. You just can’t. It’s creating a situation that has this nutter thinking you’ll still come back. It’s sad and may be awful but it’s just not your responsibility.

Third: cut the contact with him completely. Just stop. You’re lingering and it’s going to make this worse than it already is. I wouldn’t even let him know you still are at the coworkers house.

Best of luck to you, bc this sounds like it’s going to get worse before it gets better...

YUP. But I talked to the

YUP. But I talked to the landlord yesterday. After this month I can give her a 30 day notice. (So I'm still on the hook for one more month) After that point, she'll call H and he'll either have the choice to sign a lease in JUST his name with her, or terminate the lease. So I'm doing that in a few weeks.

We got rid of the app we were tracking each other with a while ago. He added me on "find your friends" a while bakc without me knowing. I found it yesterday. So that's gone.

I know. And that part is what sucks the worst.

As soon as the landlord

As soon as the landlord contacts your stbx, the shizzit will hit the fan. Darlin', you need to get your ducks in a row AHEAD of that notification.

Do you have a stun gun? I recommend that over a taser because you carry it in your hand and can use it in close quarters. IOW, if someone has your arms pinned down, you can usually still move your wrist/hand and make body contact. I HIGHLY recommend you get one and carry it at all times. IN YOUR HAND.

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