Look out, I'm into the S.O.S. pads today, scrubbing things up. The jig is almost up, my husband walked into the room while I was at the computer and he asked me why I was smiling. Ok, the fact that I was smiling and it was noteworthy is not a good sign, I know. He's a genius, and will very soon figure out my dirty little secret - Step Talk.

My first major in college was creative writing. There's been no need to excercise creative license here, unfortunately. I appreciate the feedback about my writing, that is the genuinely therapuetic aspect of this site. It's been a few years since I've written, and it feels damn good.

Their mom is out of the picture. Completely, totally. She is not a drug addict or alcoholic. She has not entered into a new relationship since divorcing their dad. She holds a master's degree and state license.

She's also one sick puppy. She's an emotional parasite that has poisoned those kids. One night my husband and I were paging through one of their childhood photo albums, the only one she didn't take, and there was this back ethereal smokey trail going from her hand to princess in the photo. I pointed it out to him, he was shocked, he'd never noticed it. There is no accounting for it due to the development of the photo, the light in which the picutre was taken. It's her energy, plain and simple. That's what she's done to those kids. Shortly after their dad and I began dating, they cut her out of their lives completely.

She likes to write, too. She used to send letters full of poison until I decided to write her a letter. I told her how much I love her children, how much they need her and how it hurts them to receive these pockets of poison from her, especially the ones where she would imply she was about to commit suicide because of how much they had hurt her.

She was married to a steadfast man who was faithful to her throughout their marriage and divorce. She was married to a gentle, insightful man who has compassion and optomism. He's a well known figure in his field, and has a genius level IQ. He's a beautiful person. She divorced him, I think, when she realized that she couldn't break him with her punishing ways, and that he would remain present with her and their kids no matter what she did.

She's curled up in a friend's basement, fermenting her bitterness. She walked out on the three of them and blamed them for it.

They resent their dad terribly, they don't understand what he sacraficed to protect them, how much courage he has. He gets up and faces things every day, he carries all this emotional baggage for them, for me and he is the one person everyone can count upon to be there.

And I've been hard on him. Ooh, feeling really guilty right now. I'm going back to my S.O.S. pads!