Okay, so here's what I told myself this morning: I've been immersed in my own negativity, my husband said to me for the first time last night that he had nothing more to say to me. I interpreted that as there must be something pretty wrong with how I've been approaching things, as he is a very reasonable, calm and accessible man. Ugh, my head hurts writing this.

So I mustered it up within me today, and was present and giving to his kids and mine. The day felt pretty good once I was able to shelve my depression over this strange situation. In fact, a few moments throughout the day I thought to myself that if I wrote anything tonight that it would if anything be apologetic in nature, perhaps I had been unfair, too harsh, too analytical about his kids.

I like laughing at myelf because there's no one else who bears the expense.

My husband expresses to me his afternoon his need for connection and I share with him that I want to feel the need for connection and am doing my utmost to work through my state of depression and find the desire to want to connect with him. I was able to hug him, which felt good and a step in the direction of connection.

Princess has an injured knee. She wanted to go tanning. My husband was being constructive and was rounding up pee and my sons for a bonfire. I took princess tanning ("I thought this place would be scummy, but it's turned out to be really nice" - we're in a rural area). She is having a genuinely hard time navigating the stairs and because she and pee isolate there are a lot of cups and dishes that accumulate in her room over the times she is here. So my sons and I went down to her pad to collect those cups and dishes, for which she expressed real gratitude. She mentioned that she had kept asking pee to help with that, but that he really hadn't felt like helping.

While in her room with my son, the subject of her pet tarantula (yes, princess has a pet tarantula in a tarantula penthouse pad in her room, which only pee is allowed to enter, EVER. EVER, did I mention EVER?????) She also has three cats, one of whom is a pixie bob with claws while no other cat in the house has claws. So he occupies the lower level of the house with her. This level is 1,000 sq ft, hopefully not too confining.

Princess shared that once again her tarantula's cage had been tipped over. Now for those of you are not tarantula owners, they have sort of mulch bedding. Apparently, two tiny spikes, which would be like slivers to a human, but spears to a spider, have penetrated the tarantula's body, one on the back and one in the abdomen.

Princess shared this information with her dad, via pee, Thursday. She requested it not be shared with me. She is being a very good girl and not accusing anyone of anyting, although she did share with her dad that these events occurred most definaitely while my children were in the home, not with their biological father (I'm lucky enough to share custody with that specimen of manhood).

So when my soon and I went down to take up princessandthepee's dishes (after all, we're reaching out) and we hear the spider story, I tell my husband when he comes in from the constructive bonfire. I'm trying to figure out what to do to help the tarantula (oh, the irony). He then shared with me that yeah, she mentioned that on Thursday. I was a bit dumbfounded, and quickly morphed into one pissed off woman.

1. Husbands and wives don't keep secrets, right? (Well, maybe step parent talk is exempt, could I rationalize that somehow? - Someone let me know : ) )
2. He and I have been discussing his guilt and princess's manipation of him for nearly three years.
3. He saw what it took for me to reach out from behind the cloud of sadness I've been feeling for weeks.
4 He is brilliant and has no idea that his daughter carries his balls for him. Oops, guess I'm more than pissed.
5. I'm sorely tempted to be childish and tell him that from now on I'm going to simply clear things with princess for the sake of family harmony. I wouldn't do that, but ok, maybe I actually will.

He's driving princess back to her fully paid for college, dorm, food plan, etc. Which trumped everything else tonight.

God I'm a bitch.

When he returns, welcome home, honey.