I'm sorry your husband reacted that way.  He is wrong.  He should be more considerate of your feelings - they are legitimate and real.  I hope the skids behave decently this visit.

People who have never been there truly don't understand what it's like. I will be the first to admit that early after my divorce i had no idea what it was like to deal with someone else's dysfunction. My kids were the most important thing in the world to me and it didn't even register that the person i was dating would not feel the same way. Looking back, i now realize that meant i was sooo not ready to move on to a new relationship. How naive i was. It's honestly probably the rare person who hasn't been there themselves who can truly "get it." Your DH has no idea what he's talking about. 

It is very hurtful when a SO invalidates your feelings. Placing aside his own feelings for his children. He should still try to be empathetic to yours because you are his wife and he is supposed to care about you too. 

So where do you go from here? He invalidates your feelings because of his own insecurities and makes you feel diminished so that he doesn't have to deal with you...so what now?

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Isnt it just the way. A harmonious relationship until the skids are about to rear their nasty heads. You were feeling vulnerable and opened up to your DH and THAT is what you get. Suck it up buttercup is his feelings on this. Not good.

You do realize when the skids bless you with their nasty presence defer everything I mean everything to your DH.

My therapist once told me skids cannot stop a parent from getting married but they have the power to break it up if they do it well enough, and you have a non supportive DH.

Let DH feel all their thunder. Do not help in anyway. Go out and enjoy yourself while DH deals with their piss poor behavior.

Relationships are about quality, not quantity. We'd never say that a relationship is a "good" relationship if one partner hit the other only once a week, or only cheated once a month, or only spent all the savings when they go on their bi-annual Vegas trip.

OP, your relationship isn't a good one just because your DH is only dismissive when you talk about this one subject. That he's only belittling when talking about this one subject. That he's only emotionally toxic on this one subject.

The issue isn't his kids. The issue is that he'd rather be a bully and emotionally abusive than sort through his own crap to have a productive conversation with his wife about a problem in your marriage. He behaves this way to silence you and control the narrative - no differently than a person who would hit or shove their partner to control them.

If he disagrees with your assessment of the situation, that's fine. There are many better ways of communicating that. He can also say "dear, I love you, but this is an emotional topic for me that I can't handle right now." He never actually has to accept that his kids bother you, but where he crosses the line is using emotional abuse to get that across to you.

Re-read that: he never actually has to accept that his kids bother you, but he crosses the line when he uses emotional abuse to send you that message.

Read that over and over and over. The kids aren't the problem here. They may be A problem, but THE problem is him being abusive in his delivery. There is no amount of abuse that can exist in a relationship to make it "good".

Don't accept this. Don't just "get off your soapbox". Re-focus on the problem with him, and the problem is him being abusive to control your thoughts, feelings, and actions. He needs therapy. You need therapy. He needs to change how he acts. You don't have to be there for him to do that. You don't deserve to continue to be abused just so he can figure it out. Remember that.

So, your husband asks you what's wrong, then completely dismisses you. Nice. Nothing that you said was out of line, mean, or otherwise inappropriate (nor were you on a soapbox).

He would rather be mad at you, than take a good hard look at his misbehaving kids and a good hard look at himself as a father. I never got an answer on your other blog regarding what your husband does about their lying, the stealing, and the disrespect, so I assume he doesn't do a damn thing and doesn't want to. That's why he hates when you point it out.

Anybody would be upset about kids coming into their home, acting like your step kids act. And, how they act, is on your husband.

Your feelings ARE legitimate, and you know that, right? Your DH handled that very poorly. I hope you can go back to that conversation and tell him he was a d1ckhead.

Even when things are GOOD with the skids, it can be a drain. I never looked forward to coming home when my adult SS lived with us for a time, and he was generally a good guy (until the self medication started) and helped out around the house. My kitchen hasn't been as clean since he left.

Add your lying, stealing skids and it's no wonder you're in a funk before they arrive. Your DH chooses to ignore it and belittle you, and that is hurtful.

What you wrote I could have written almost word for word! It is amazing how good things are when skids arent around or even discussed. My DH and I are in the middle of a 9 day periord without seeing SD16 becuase she went to the beach with some friends and missed her regular Wed night. (This is the first time ever in over 6 years that she has missed a wed night! and the first time I have been able to go more than 6 days without her being here)  I feel like we are on our honeymoon!!! Things have been sooo good! 

He needs to know the truth. I'm glad you shared with him. One day someone else will tell him the truth too. One time someone came up to us and told DH his daughter was like a wild animal. I told him that before. He was humbled. Now DH accepts that I don't enjoy being around his children too much. He knows how intolerable they are. All you need to do is to keep repeating your message. Some people need repetition.