So it's been a hard summer for us. My grandfather went through a double-bypass in June and while improving, unexpectedly passed away. Two weeks later, I wind up in the hospital on the 4th of July with appendicitis. We are just now trying to get back to routine. Unfortunately, the SS is making things worse. He was doing SO well at the end of the school year, we thought we'd try 50/50 visitation with the BM this summer, because we knew he missed her and it would also give us a bit of a break from the past 3 years of hell. That was SO not a good idea.

I'm not sure if it's all the time with his mom, or the fact that the household has been so upside down the past few months, but I feel like we're back to Day 1. He got kicked out of his summer program. He started getting violent again towards the teachers and other kids, and would throw temper tantrums if he didn't get his way. He basically got labeled as a "bully" by the other kids and none of them would play with him.

So we had to resort to DH's aunt as babysitter, which I disapprove of, but we don't have a lot of options. DH's aunt (and his grandparents who live next door) are part of the problem because they let him get away with murder and eat all the junk food he wants and then get mad and ask DH to come get him when he gets out of control.

And when DH tries to put his foot down around them, they get mad at HIM.

I do not want to go through all this again. We've been through the therapy/evaluations/doctors/medication cycle about 90% of the time the last 3 1/2 years, and the thought of more of the same just makes me ill. It's also taking a toll financially. His medications are currently running $250 a month, not to mention the various doctor's visits every time he has a sniffle.

We are so tight financially, and I feel like I can't do anything I need for my own health because we have to pay for his medicine. The thought of more therapy bothers me too. If I thought it would do some good, I'd be OK with it. But we've tried it before and ran the therapist out of ideas (she pushed him onto someone else for yet more evaluations), so I'm concerned this is going to be money down the drain. I know you sacrifice for children, so I wouldn't mind if I had to wait a few extra months here and there for, say, new glasses or a cavity filling, but it's been 2 years since I've had new glasses (and mine are scratched horribly), and let's not get started on the lack of dental work.

The real kicker in this is the BM (isn't it always?). I found out a few months back, when looking more closely at the court parenting plan from last summer, that while we are responsible for his insurance, SHE is responsible for half of any non-covered expenses such as deductibles. Since we have a high deductible ($3K), this is HUGE. And DH's response to this? "Why should we even bother? She's not going to pay it."

BM doesn't work. BM desperately tries to live off the state and sit on her lazy hiney 24/7. She bums money, food, and anything else she can off her family in between her men. She has been trying to get DH to say SS lives with her most of the time so she can get food stamps and state-funded insurance. Uh, yeah, don't think so.

And she's stupid. She's already lost her copy of the parenting plan and has no idea what she's responsible for. She CAN work, but she chooses not to. I want to go after her for her half of the deductible expenses AS WELL AS child support, but DH and I get into huge arguments over this. He says there's no point. She won't ever pay it (and she's said as such), so why should we go through the added expense of taking her back to court? I say, she either pays or rots in jail: either way, we win.

She actually told DH when he confronted her with this. "Well, I didn't tell you to get a job and take him off of TennCare" (TennCare = state insurance). Seriously? WTF? So my DH should just sit on his butt and milk funds from the state like her, when he's actually trying to be responsible and work?

So I was hoping someone would have some advice on how to go about this. We have to send her the bill 10 days after receipt and she has 30 days to pay it? Can I go back to the previous bills or is this just from here on out? If she doesn't pay, should I wait until she has a sizeable amount she owes us before going back to court? Is it really worth all the headache and stress and money to try to squeeze blood out of a turnip?

I personally would be happy if she just refuses to pay and goes to jail, because then she's less of an influence on SS, but I'm sick of her laziness and lack of mothering/responsibility while we are broke AND dealing with her negative influence on SS.