I've written an article
On bonding with step kids. I've been really lucky in that I have a very loving relationship with my stepkids, and thought I'd share some of how we made it happen.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2071495/tips_for_stepparents_on...
- Peruvian StepMom's blog
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Comments
Good for you. You TOOK control rather than begging for it.
What struck me as most poignant in your article is that you basically outlined effective parenting (Bio, Step or otherwise). It just happens that you you have the Step prefix to your Parent status.
Good article and good advice. Set the rules, make them clear, concise, easy to understand and hold the Skids and everyone else accountable for following them.
The solutions to Sparenting are not complex but application and consistency are difficult.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
I agree with some of what
I agree with some of what you said... but you'd be surprised how much people here are affected by American culture. Amazingly enough, there are people here who live in houses with bare concrete floors, no hot water and woven rattan roofs - but they have a Playstation hooked up for the kids.
What I most agree with is the cooperation from the Biological parents. It really does make a huge difference, and I think that I've been lucky in the cooperation of my husband. His ex-wife... meh, not so much.
She's not a 'bad' person, but she has always felt she has to buy her children's love. She wanted to buy our son a cell phone for his 10th birthday, and I had to tell her no. It's made it difficult for us when we're trying to apply rules in our house and she can't enforce them in her home. It's not that she doesn't WANT to - she simply is terrified of her kids thinking she's 'mean' and not loving her. Which the boys of course understand and use against her. My SS12 used to tell her 'then, I don't love you anymore' when she would try to discipline him. He tried that with me, and I told him 'that's ok, I still love you, and you still have to do what I say'. I simply won't play into any games with them.
How old were your step children when you married their father?
Sometimes even Spouses that we love dearly are clueless.
Crayon,
As my tag line indicates (the consistency of effort part) you get it. Unfortunately your BF does not and you and Droop are the ones that bear the brunt of BFs decisions.
Fortunately for me my Wife does get it and I am an equity spouse and an equity parent to my Skid. Not to say that there have not been times during the past 15yrs where we did not agree and she did put her foot down and asked me to step back and let her handle an issue her way.
When asked, I stepped back.
I truly hope that your BF figures out that the decisions he is making as far as his Guilt Parenting with Droop and SD-11 are damaging them and at some level that damage is on him.
As I have said many times. You are the only REAL parent that Droop and his sister have.
BF needs to read and live by your own tag line. Confucius would smack your BF around because he is failing to "teach his son his duties".
Hang in there.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
exactly.....I agree
I think it is soooooo important to obtain control way before a live-in relationship begins when one of the parties has children....I made it very clear to my DH what my standards were WAAAAAAY before we were married....if he was not going to back me up in disciplining HIS children that would be living in OUR home, then I really had no interest in pursuing a relationship with him....either u are from the same school of parenting, or yur not..its just that simple.....and for me personally, I had no interest in being with a man who I would feel subserviant to in my own home and who's children would dictate MY life......being on the same field from day one, made the battle of stepdom possible in my home..the rules are the rules whether its DH or me....
"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"
Absolutely - Especially
Absolutely - Especially since I was leaving everything and everyone I loved back in the US, it was vital that he understood this had to be a partnership or it wasn't going to work.
I certainly can understand crayon's difficulties. That's why I mentioned in my article that all parents MUST be on board, for the sake of the children. I absolutely understand that when there isn't cooperation on all parts, it's very hard to make it work. Imagine a child as a car, and the parents are the wheels - it's hard to keep the car going straight if one of the wheels is flat.