Weirdest Request from SS14 EVER...OF ALL TIME
I was blown away this weekend. FLUMMOXED. BAMBOOZELED. Completely floored, when SS14 came up to me and said, "Ummm Lisa, can I talk to you about something?"
Meanwhile, DH is on the phone arguing with SD17 who lives multiple states away and is trying to referee an argument between her and SD20.
"Sure, PunkinHead. Wassup?"
"So, I was thinking...maybe...you and Dad should look into adopting or fostering another child. It would be kind of nice to have someone else around my age in the house. You know, I would like a brother to hang out with and do stuff with."
BLINK BLINK BLINK BLINK BLINK
Wow. Okay. Ummm. I already feel like I have my hands full with SS14 who is high functioning autistic with ADHD and has bipolar symptoms. I don't know where he got the idea for me to adopt or foster him a brother...but there it is.
I told him, I was not saying yes and I was not saying no. This was a very very SERIOUS subject that deserved a tremendous amount of research an thought.
You could have knocked me over with a feather.
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Comments
Oh, man, fostering or
Oh, man, fostering or adopting a child that age takes incredible strength and research and training and I can't even being to tell you how HARD it is.
I adopted a four-year-old and it has tested every inch of my being. It's not for 99.9% of people. I wish I could be more positive, but reality is not.
I know. It just completely
I know. It just completely took me off guard. I don't even know where he got the idea.
WOW! Maybe he's
WOW!
Maybe he's lonely...maybe try a pet?
He has a dog and two cats;
He has a dog and two cats; all three he mercilessly pesters and loves on.
Hadn't thought about that.
Hadn't thought about that. Might mention it to the therapy team. But I am still on the other side of the fence against the idea as a whole.
I have to agree with you
I have to agree with you here. My thoughts exactly.
Stop. Back up. I didn't say
Stop. Back up. I didn't say I was considering it. I said I told him that I wasn't saying yes. And I wasn't saying No. Being that he is Autistic, there is a very delicate way that things have to be handled. I told him that there had to be a lot of research and serious thought given to the matter.
And there has been. Including research and serious thought into how to address his loneliness issues, where he got the idea of a foster brother, discussing the situation with his therapist, etc.
Before you judge me as having "No business being a foster parent," maybe you should take a step back and observe where we have been and where we are going.
I work very hard at being a good parent to this special needs kiddo. Since his bio-mom is emotionally and physically absent I have stepped up and am in the process of adopting him.
Check yourself.
I feel so bad for him. All
I feel so bad for him. All the kids in the neighborhood don't want to play with him because he is "Weird." Sigh. He needs more playmates. THATs what he needs.
This is exactly the
This is exactly the conversation I was having with DH about the whole situation. And while many people have observed that about me where my special needs SS14 is concerned; that doesn't mean I am cut out to be a foster mom.
Yes, I am a capable and loving mother of a special needs kiddo. Yes, PunkinHead is lonely.
BUT
I am a realist.
DH is also Autistic and has MS.
I would be doing it alone for all intents and purposes.
When DH and I discussed the situation privately, I told him PunkinHead needs to be assured that we will listen to his requests; but that we also will do what is right for the whole family.
Have you ever considered
Have you ever considered foster care before SS asked you about it?
Before DH and SS14 came into
Before DH and SS14 came into my life 7 years ago; I was going through all the steps to Foster as a single parent. So, yeah.
Again, another reason why I
Again, another reason why I am on the side of being against his request. DH is with me on it. We just know that he needs interaction with more kiddos on his level.
Agree
Agree
I work in an agency that does
I work in an agency that does foster and foster to adopt. Oh my, the stories I have heard...
What would happen if the two boys ended up not getting along?
EXACTLY. Or what if they get
EXACTLY. Or what if they get along great. But it is a very temporary situation. PunkinHead already has abandonment issues due to Bio Mom's stupidity. That would just further aggravate those wounds. All of this is why DH and I are against the idea.
Maybe! But it took me to
Maybe! But it took me to adulthood to even consider my sister friend material...before then, she was just a pest. }:)
We are trying to find a
We are trying to find a Pokemon group for him. Otherwise, he gets "distracted" and will go off into fantasy land and will just start playing his own thing rather than participate in the group activity.
Boy Scouts were too structured for him. He hated martial arts. We keep looking.
Is you SS in clubs or groups
Is you SS in clubs or groups for kids with HFA. In my state Regional Centers have programs for these kids. My DS17 is HFA and goes to a non public school for kids on the spectrum. Does your SS go to public school? My DS doesn't have problems finding friends or making friends. Most of his friends are also HFA but he also has friends who are not on the spectrum.
Also look for youth groups, I bet there are some in your area that either have a group of kids with HFA or Bipolar. Many of these groups are lead by a therapist and although the kids have a good time they really are working on building friendships and other social skills. One that my son belongs to is sort of an anger management group and they meet once a week in the evening for 3 hours. 1 hour settling in..arriving. 2nd hour dinner we donate/Pay $10.00. kids get pizza or whatever the group leader decides. This hour they talk about manners, social settings and if the person eats like a pig they work on that also. 3rd hour they play board games or sports and talk about issues someone has had during the week. Friends help other friends. What they did or would have done in the situation. With the therapist there your kid is not likely to get bad advise.
If you like you can PM me and I can give you more specific information.
IF Deigma ever asked me this
IF Deigma ever asked me this I would've done it in a blink of an eye.... There's so many children who wants a good home, I use to be temporary foster parent to younger kids, Deigma's age before he went to school...
Only reason, we do not have group homes and foster parents, sometimes parents got killed in car accidents and immediate family in South Africa, it would take weeks before the legal aspects where dealt with and the family could remove the kids from our country... these kids always ended up in my house.... I still have contact with a brother and sister, they stayed with me for a year.... the Namibian family did not want them and refuse the south african family to get them, only reason it took a year