Haven't posted since May when the new baby arrived. Two days of induced labor and bioson #2 was born weighing 9 lbs 12 oz.

4 weeks after bs2 was born I packed up the skids and sent them to mil with a smile. Other than one quick phone call in early June, I haven't seen or heard from them in almost 8 weeks. And its been the best 8 weeks of my adult life (well, that past 6 years of it atleast). I honestly had forgotten how it felt to be genuinely happy and at peace. To genuinely enjoy.my life, to look forward to waking up, to be excited about the day, to sit at the end of the day and happily reminise about the day .....and to slfeel that everyday...... It's been like a dream. It feels like a 50 lb weight has been taken off my shoulders and a haze has cleared.

I honestly had really hoped that I would miss the skids. Well, that id miss SS, cause I already knew I wouldn't miss SD. They come back in a week and a half and its going to be a really hard and painful fall back to reality. Not only does all the added work and stress come back, but now I have the knowledge that I really do not have any feelings for these kids left at all. I don't miss them. Before I would try to lie to myself and tell myself that deep down I loved them, that if they would stop doing X, Y, or Z, that it'd all be better. But now I know better..... Them not being here is what makes it better. I can't live in ignorance anymore.... Not now that I see how good things could be.

And the only difference has been the skids leaving. I am still having the same issues with Dh as before. In the whole 8 weeks of this summer, he has come to do things with me and our kids three times. And those here times weren't even all day, just an hour or two in the am. Every other outing he declines to come with us and stays home to play his video games. Bs3 will ask him to do a puzzle, or play a game and he always says no. I feel so guilty if I have to say no to him because I am in the middle of something, or just need a break. But Dh has no problem saying no everytime. I just don't get it. He says is misses us when we aren't there, but wants nothing to do with us when we are. He got a new game that tracks his usage, and in two and a half days he logged 32 hours of game time. That's over ten hours a day. So 9 hours of work, ten hours of gaming and 5 of sleeping. None for me or the boys.

He threw an absolute hissy fit last Friday because I left the baby home with him so I could buy diapers (ive took the three yr old with me) and baby woke up. He didn't speak to me for a day and a half waiting for me to apologize to him. When I didn't, he comes up to me and says well even though you didn't appologize I forgive you. I flat out told him there was nothing to forgive and I expected an appology for his behavior. Another day of him pouting and he came around.

I am just dreading when the skids come back and having him (and them) expecting me to do 100% of the work. Cooking, cleaning, taking them places, buying school clothes and supplies ect. And getting no gratitude from anyone, because its all just expected. I am planning on not buying any school clothes or supplies. I am tired of being the ATM. And if attitudes (namely dhs) don't change dramatically, I won't be taking them on fun outings unless Dh comes too. If he can't be bothered to spent time and effort on his own kids, then why should I on kids that aren't even mine.

I am sure ill be back on here much more now that the skids are almost home.