I am an SM to 2 SS and BM to a 9 month old. FIrst of all, while I was pregnant, I had the SS with me from time to time at the doctors. When the baby came home, he slept in our, DH's and mine, room. He still does. While it may be true that your SS is jealous of the new baby, if you don't set the rules now, you will only have more problems in the future. Let SS throw a fit if he wants, but go ahead and decorate at least the wall where the crib is. I would. As for your DH feeling as if the room only belongs to HIS SON and HIS DAUGHTER doesn't seem to count in that respect, ask him how he would like to share a room with her. Trust me, he probably gets more sleep now than my own DH did and should count himself lucky your not as fearful as I am. Hell, our son has kicked his daddy to the couch numerous times because he couldn't sleep unless it was wiht mommy. (I know, I know, say it with me, SPOILED!) Anyway, the whole point is that you cannot allow your SS to make the rules.
IF IT WAS EASY, EVERYONE WOULD DO IT.

There are a couple of conversations that you might want to have with your husband. First, I think it would be appropriate to point out that there are only two rooms (I'm assuming) that your DD can stay in, yours, or SS's. Ask him where he would rather have the baby stay. She deserves a special place of her own just as much as everyone else in the house. Be it in your bedroom or his, she deserves at least a small amount of space devoted to her.

I'd also point out to DH that SS's behavior may be OK now when the baby is only 2 months old, but he'll have to begin reinforcing things now if he hopes to have a safe environment for the child once it starts crawling and pulling up on things. Winning the love of his son should not be more important than keeping his baby daughter safe. The line has got to be drawn somewhere. I would ask him to please back you up on keeping things up higher, not piling things on the floor, etc. Also, I like what Hog Wild said about having him reinforce to SS that he is still loved and adored, but that you also need to keep his baby sister safe and out of harm's way. That responsibility is shared by everyone in the family.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

i would tell you to have a sit down with your step son. tell him he is a big brother now. let kim know that it is his job to protect his little sister and watch out for her and such. it will make him feel big and make him feel like he is a huge part of her life.
he will feel like he is important to the entire family because he takes of his little sister. not that my step son wasnt comfy in his role already (we have him all of the time) but when we explained to him that he was her protector he felt so much better. no he picks her up when he thinks she is crawling too close to the tile and thing slike that. make him feel like is contributes.
and as for the DH not want ing you to decorate the room at all i think that is BULLSHIT. he doesnt just have a son anymore he also has a daughter. my stepson would tell us to do his entire room pinkif we told him he had to share a room with his sister. he is just that enraptured by her. she has him wrapped around her little finger.your husband should respect your need to do for your daughter to make her feel at home as much as he wants you to respect his need for his son to have soemthing to call his own
i take care of yours; respect me!

and baby arriving this summer. Each boy got their own room & brand new furniture last summer when I married DH & moved in & his roomate moved out. However, the boys knew that if we had a baby they would have to share rooms again. ( They already do at moms & she has a 4 BR house ) Memorial day weekend I plan on having moved 7 y/o ss into the br with 9 y/o ss and then take down the new bed upstairs & paint & start setting up babies room. I would have loved to start earlier when painting would have been easier for girl with bad back & big belly, but we felt it important to let youngest stay in his room till his birthday. I also made it a point of telling them this week that I want to get them settled in first ( I am redoing the closet) because they are already here and the baby isn't. That way they know they are still important.

Our boys are thrilled to have this baby come into our life, so moving the one downstairs has probably been tougher on us then on him. We have told them from the beginning that we will love them all the same and that will never change.

Your DH has to talk to her & assure her that this baby isn't replacing her. He needs to start now.How is your child together going to feel when his sibling who only sleeps at your house 4 nights a month gets prefernce as they grow older because of guilt.

We have even talked that as all the boys get bigger that we could move oldest upstairs to the smaller room that the baby will take over now & baby down with youngest to share the larger bedroom.

I had wanted a girl at first, but now am so glad this baby is a boy as it does make things so much simpler.

DH threw me a loop yesterday and told me if after this baby is born if I wanted to try for another he would be willing. I think he must have lost his mind for a minuet.( I was sending home this beautiful baby girl dress my mom bought me at xmas to give to another babyshower ) I am going to be 39 right after he arrives & worry a lot about affording day care and still being able to do fun things with kids. I think at my age this will be more than fine. I told DH that 3 boys were more than I ever dreamed of having so I am good with just having 3 kids. I never thought I would ever have any children, so this works for me.

Wow...that's got to be hard for you. I understand because my DD was 6 mo. when DH and I got married and SS was about 3. I did decorate the second bedroom all for her, but we agreed that SS's bedding could be whatever he chose (Spiderman) and he also picked out a little matching rug to go beside his bed. Once that happened...the room, to me, was ruined and I was just not prepared for it. I was so sad because I wanted DD to have her beautiful room that was decorated just for her--especially as SS was VERY spoiled by his mother and her fiance and had everything he wanted at her house. I felt that DD should also have her own space...but, in the end, I knew that I had to not make it about me and make it about the kids. DD had no idea, what 6 mo. old would? And SS felt like he had a place in our home, so...in the end, it was worth it (tho we are about to split up, and I am already making plans for DD's new Dora bedroom that I'll do up for her once we are divorced

I would DEFINITELY sit down with DH and talk about this. Don't approach it as you being annoyed with his son's things in there, but just that you would like to make it fair for BOTH kids. Draw out some plans for the room that will allow each child to be reflected in the decor. SS is going to have to learn that he is no longer the only child and that sharing is something that is not up for discussion. Honestly, I would put my foot down if I were you. Each child is equally important and that means, to me, that only one option exists here.

GOOD LUCK!
Krissy

I don't know how handy you guys are or how big the room is, but have you considered some sort of partition? With a partition, you could define the space better and keep it more separate. With some 2x4's and drywall, you could easily put up a temporary three-quarter wall to divide the room in two, then when the baby gets big enough to be mobile, you could use a baby gate to block off the other side so that she can't get into his stuff. If that's too much construction to take on, I'm sure you could get some stand-alone room dividers or screens that you could bolt to the floor and/or wall for safety. Then paint two walls pink and two walls blue, or whatever color you like for each to make it their own space.

At best, we had the skids EOW and no, they did not have their own rooms or even their own beds. This was before my husband retired from the military and we lived in base housing, so we only got a house with enough bedrooms for the kids who lived with us full-time. Try fitting five kids and two adults in a 3BR house! Not pretty! We made do with bunk beds and each kid had a bed to sleep in, but no, we did not decorate specifically for the skids, because they just were not there that much. They have permanent bedrooms with all their stuff at their mom's house decorated in their own personal style, so we didn't feel like we had to do this for them at our house, as well. If we'd had enough rooms for everyone, then yes, definitely, but not for weekend kids who are never there at the expense of the everyday kids who are always there. We had the boys' room and the girls' room and that was that.

It's harder when you're trying to fit two children of the opposite sex into one bedroom, though. You almost have to find a way to put up some kind of barrier.

~ Anne ~

We are the masters of our own fate; the architects of our own destiny.

bedroom. And tell your husband not to forget he has two children now, not just one.
While the baby is in your room he will change his tune especially when he wants to fool around and you feel uncomfortable with this.
Or tell him to purchase a bigger home..
Lordy, sometimes you think the fathers are the children! Your husband is being selfish and immature. SS needs to be reminded that the baby has a claim in that home too. Or make your living room partially the babies room. Its either SS share or when baby is sleeping go to his room and play. Because I mean she has to have her privacy and quiet time when she sleeps too. And well TV has to be on low so hubby won't be able to be a MAN either while she sleeps...
SOrry, I am reading blogs today where men are being jerks..
Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..