Hi,

My future step son is 20 years old, just about to turn 21. He and his brother, my other future step son (15), have been living with their mother for a year. Their dad has made a constant effort to see and speak to them. However, he refuses to speak to BM in an attempt to avoid conflict in front of the kids. He had lost his job about 7 months ago and his oldest, ss 20, said he didnt want anything to do with him. SS 15 is sort of caught in the middle and tries not to side with anyone. Recently, DH got another job. He left a message on ss20 phone letting him know, and now ss20 wants to talk again. SS20 doesnt seem to want anything to do with DH outside of financial help and ss15 is sort of being held "hostage".
I think BM might have something to do with this because when the boys are with DH they are totally different kids who actually respect him. We are trying to be civilized about this, but i have to ask.....Where do you draw the line? DH doesnt want to yell at them for feelings that are coming from their mother. Any advice? I feel so overwhelmed and this is only one of MANY issues. Thank you.