I've mentioned this within other blogs, but have yet to dedicate an entire blog to it. so here goes...I really feel like I'm doing an excellent job at acting like I'm okay with all this baggage. I have done my best to let SD talk about her mom whenever she wants, I took her the other day to buy her mom a birthday present she had picked out in a town 30 miles away several months ago, I'm nice and friendly to BM and I never say anything rude or negative to her other than asking her not to talk down about my husband because he is my husband. I've listened to her advice because i know SD is having a hard time, and I've even tried to do some of the things she has mentioned to help SD, like giver her and her daddy alone time and little things like that. I've not pestered my husband about what is being said between them, and I've done my best to make him believe that I have full trust and confidence in him. I've taken SD to all of my family gatherings, asked my parents to accept her as a granddaughter the best they can, I've tried to care for her and make her feel special...

But the fact of the matter is I don't feel good about any of it. I hate that I will always have my husbands ex in my life. I hate how when I see SD all I can think about is the ex. I hate being nice, I hate it when she talks bad about my husband or blatantly lies to me about stupid stuff. I don't like taking SD to my family stuff because she is rude to my nieces and nephews. I am angry and sad and hurt all the time and I just don't know if this is normal. I keep telling myself that if I go through the motions long enough that eventually I will love her. That we will get along and that I can fully accept BM too. That I won't always feel like she is trying to out do me or be better than me in some way. I feel like crap, and I want to go hide somewhere and cry for a month. My parents never divorced and my 3 older sisters are married with 3 children a piece and it was the first marriage for all of them. I have no baggage, all of my past will never be a part of me again...I don't know who to talk to I don't know how to deal with all of this, and I'm so tired of being sad.