how many wouldhave run if they knew what they were getting into??
I'm very curious as to how any steps would have run as fast as they could in the other direction when they first met SO/DH/DW if they knew what they were getting into as a SP??
I am a Stepkid x2. I have NEVER treated my SP the way some of these kids treat us. I never thought it would be this difficult to be a SM and if I had known I probably would have never given SO another look. Now I love him with all my being and we have a DD together but sometimes I wonder if it will be worth the next 16 yrs of dealing with the disrespect that SDs 2 and 4 give me even after 2 yrs... or dealing with BM for that long...
Thoughts?? Opinions??
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I don't know. I ADORE & LOVE
I don't know. I ADORE & LOVE my DH. I'd probably still have stayed. He makes it worth it. Besides, kids grow, get married, move out and then it'll just be he and I. Assuming we survive the BM.
I did see what I would be
I did see what I would be getting into. That is why I did not marry or live with DH for over 8 ish years.
I know this chaps some peoples butts…but..I don’t see how a lot of you did not see this mess before you married. Unless the kid was really young.
It took me all of 2 months of dating DH to see that the whole DH,BM SS debacle was something I was not going drag me or my kids into. NO WAY!!
And honestly…it worked out great. I would not change a thing
I think the age of the kids
I think the age of the kids makes a HUGE difference. My Skids were newborn and 8 y/o when I met DH. SD is now almost 12 and SS is 19. I have been in these kids lives for a long time and I feel because of that, things aren't as bad as some of the SMs on here.
My skids were 3 and 8. My DH
My skids were 3 and 8. My DH talked a lot about how good my kids (4,
were and how it was going to be great to get his kids up to speed. He used to tease me about whipping his kids into shape (red flag) but I took that as support from him, meaning he was on board with how I was raising my kids and wanted to raise his like that too.
DH is a great dad, he plays with the kids, so much fun, they all love him to death. Great dad and lazy parent are 2 totally different areas. DH seemed to 'try' at first. Everything was a green light....
Get engaged, buy a house, move in - and BAM,
BM realizing it was serious freaked out - skids started to get PASed somewhat, BM who didn't want her kids all of a sudden was yanking and screaming about court orders and putting pressure on DH to the point of snapping him, DH caved, I was stripped of all authority, and 4 years later here we are....
Yeah, I walked right into it - but going in, other than a few yellow flashing lights - all was green.
Yup. That was my situation
Yup. That was my situation too. He thought I'd done a wonderful job with mine. Was open to learning a lot about my methods. Gave me free rein to teach the skids some table manners (BADLY needed) and backed me up with those lessons. 5 years of caution and slowly proceeding, and finally decided it was time to cohabit. Those few yellow flashing lights had been talked through, worked through, agreed upon, and were now happily green.
Bought a house, moved in, and the erosion started right away. Lots of fun with Dad. SM is now the beast that "makes extra work for them on purpose" according to SS7 (almost eight) and I'm told to not be so hard on them constantly. After all they're "only (fill in the age)". Heaven knows that 7 & 10 yr olds can't be expected to put their coat up on a hook when they come in the door. Or put their dirty clothes in a laundry basket, or certainly not clear their own plates from the table after a meal.
No, now I'm expecting way too much of them, but still expected to keep the house clean, laundry done, cook appealing nutritious meals (that they usually complain about, and often refuse to eat), and all the rest of it.
My kids are grown, and both happy healthy young adults who love and respect me. I never had problems with over-entitlement, or with disrespect. I respected them, and required them to respect me and it all worked out well. They knew I was the parent. With these two though, it's pretty fuzzy who is the cart, and who is the horse.
So given all that, yes, I'd say if I could have looked into the future, I would have said "Thanks but no thanks!"
I'd have kept up with 2
I'd have kept up with 2 houses instead of 1.
Its hard to say that, I mean, I love my DH, I love being married to him. But we may have been smarter (or at least for me) in keeping up the 2 houses longer... like for another 5 years.
I hated living between 2 homes - packing an overnight bag - all that crap....
I am not entirely sure which would have been the right way to go, but I certainly can't say getting married and consolodating was absolutely the right choice when we did in hindsight.
I guess I am thinking today if I had forced DH to be on his own with his kids longer, then he might have addressed their behaviours - on the other hand, maybe it would have been worse as the kids would have really taken control of their father and the household - I can't be sure...
Run, no. But damn...
My problem is not the kids.
My problem is not the kids. My problem is the BM!
If I knew I had to put up with the shit that this bitch dished out I may have just past my DH right up. ( If only you can see that far into the future)
This BM has made life a living hell. When I met my older SD I had no problems out of her all except that there were a couple times when she came and stayed with us she did not want to go back home to her BM. My guess is BM would grill them for information after they got back and the older one seem to want to avoid problems.
However the younger one I refer to hell child was mama little devil who could be program.
When daddy did not make her happy she was on the phone calling BM then the phone was carried to him so he could get a good yelling from the BM because the youngest was so unhappy. The youngest would act like she would remember things from the past and try to get daddy to remember them but it was all fabercated from the mother. She was to young to remember much when daddy and BM was together. Daddy and BM split up when youngest was around 4 years old
For a year on every visit she would bring up "did you ever love mom?" all fabercated by her mother to ask. She would come up with the craziest questions for a little 6 year old to be asking very adult questions if you ask me.
The BM had manage to get our bank account frozen one year when we went out of state we almost could not make it home.
Don't get me wrong. My DH is a fine looking man. I do love him. The kids are great as long the BM is not meddling, could not stand the youngest for a while but the older she gets the better she is getting. She is turning out to be a great kid with better self esteem. Her self esteem was horrible years ago. My guess it didn't help having BM badgering her for informaion. She had always came confused years ago.
I do believe karma will bite the bitch on the ass. It usually does if you been badgering your kids in the past. Badgering usually leads to you ben disown when they get older.
^^^^^^^^HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!^
^^^^^^^^HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I would do it all over again,
I would do it all over again, any and every day of the week. DH is my best friend, and life without him would SUCK.
I actually thought I could
I actually thought I could help my SS.
Yeah - I know. Laugh away.
Color me Naive.
Based on what my DH was telling me (and showing me really) the kid needed consistency and a mother figure. My DH was living with his folks and the kid when I met him. Whenever DH tried to discipline SS, the grandparents would undermine him (grounded? Oh come watch tv with grandpa while your dad is at work - it'll be fine)
So here I come with my strict rules and discipline to support my DH.
Yeah, 3 years later - kid still isn't following any of the rules and my DH and I are *this close* to kicking his sorry ass out.
sigh... maybe I wouldn't have run - but I might not have moved them in and married him right away.
After 10 years of being
After 10 years of being jerked around by BM and her craziness and now minimum and her long list of needs and wants and DH's slavish devotion to everything and anything the 2 SDs need, want or can think of, I would not have gone there