Don't have a good feeling
This coming weekend is Puke's scheduled visit. Nothing has been worked out regarding the puppy so not sure if she'll be coming. Getting the feeling that DH will give in to her demand. I understand that he wants to see Puke, however, I feel like he is the only one willing or expected to compromise. It would be different to me if Puke had tried to find someone to watch the puppy so she could come see him. Puke acts as though seeing her is a prize for DH to win. Then Puke gets rewarded for coming again when DH swoons over her. DH and Puke get what they want and that leaves me miserable with nothing to show for it.
If he let's her bring the puppy, I just can't be here and keep my mouth shut. He doesn't want me to leave but I don't think he'll want me to be here and go off on her.
Am I selfish for thinking that I should be getting something out of this?
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Dh is getting to see Puke.
Dh is getting to see Puke. Puke is getting to bring puppy. Shouldn't I get something I want?
^^^THIS. NO means NO. by
^^^THIS.
NO means NO. by giving in to her, the next time he tries to stand firm she'll know exactly how far to push to get what she wants. he's reinforcing her negative behavior!!!
Leave out a bowl of beer for
Leave out a bowl of beer for the pup, small amount, enough to give a pup diarrhea and nausea so she won't it next time but not enough to harm the dog }:)
A.
DO NOT LET THAT DOG IN YOUR
DO NOT LET THAT DOG IN YOUR HOUSE.
If you do it once, you will set a precedent where you cannot say "no" again. That's what they're banking on.
This is your boundary. Do not let them trample on it.
I am so on the fence about
I am so on the fence about this. On one hand YOU don't want the dog there and that should be respected.
On the other hand...this man may not see his kid again for a very long time all because of a puppy that may or may not, come to your house a few days a month. (Now before everyone freaks the F out...read my second sentence).
Is there any way to compromise? I mean at this point is seems like you are the only one that does not want the puppy there. Does DH get ANY say in this?
Maybe tell DH the dog can come over once a month for visitation and the HE is totally responsible for taking it out, feeding it and cleaning up after it. Think that would work?
Dh does not want the dog here
Dh does not want the dog here and is the main reason he told her no. Although he knows I don't want the dog here either, he also knows if he makes the decision to let bring it I have told him I will be staying elsewhere.
No dog. Period. La Quinta
No dog. Period.
La Quinta motels allow dogs with no extra fee and they are pretty cheap. He can take her there.
I'd go off on both big time if that little fucktard shows up with the dog. And I mean no holds barred.
I'm just feeling guilt of
I'm just feeling guilt of keeping him from seeing her even though he is still adamant he doesn't want the dog here either.
And SD and BM are banking on
And SD and BM are banking on the two of you feeling guilty.
As the adult in the house, it was BM's decision to get that dog. She cannot then impose it on another household just because she wants to dot hat. She needs to figure out care for it when SD is away at her father's.
If SD won't come, then get the police involved. They cannot refuse custody because she wants to bring a dog with her.
The dog is an alienation tool. BM has done this. Do not feel guilty about having boundaries for your home. If DH gets mad at you, he is projecting anger onto the wrong person. BM gets a dog, BM deals with the dog.
he is not blaming
he is not blaming you
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
He will blame her. She made it quite clear that if the dog came then she would leave. Not sure why she would even have to specify that if DH said the dog can not come anyway.
All I am saying is that this may not be the hill to die on and she could look good to her DH if she went to him and said..."I know you want to see SD...so how about you let the dog come over once a month but YOU (DH) are totally responsible."
I bet he would jump at the chance and she just did a great thing for her marriage.
SD will get tired of bringing the dog with her after two visits. Everyone wins. (yes...even BM). But more important is that over step did a good solid for her marriage and it looks like she wants DH to see his DD and not that she gave in.
If not this hill, then what
If not this hill, then what hill? DH has gone against my wishes for the last 6 years. Now that have drawn the line in the sand this one time I should again let it go for the good of my marriage? When is it Dh's turn to take it? When puke no longer wants to come and has nothing or no one else to use as a crutch?
I know I shouldn't feel
I know I shouldn't feel guilty and I know I'm not being unreasonable and I know that this isn't just my decision and I know dh isn't blaming me. I'm a huge people pleaser so this goes against my nature. I'm just worried that dh will overlook how much I have been supporting him through this and expect me to go along with it like in the past. I just can't do any more. I need him to stand up for us this time and work it out so I'm not inconvenienced again. I'm tired of giving in all the time to make them happy just so can be miserable.
What is the deal with the
What is the deal with the puppy? Is there a reason that she cannot come over without bringing it?
Obviously, she does not really care about seeing her dad. She is the one who should feel bad.
She has been told no puppy and your DH needs to stick with that. She's playing games.
Puke does not take it out
Puke does not take it out like she is supposed to and it has regular accidents so our floors will be destroyed or dh will have to take responsibility for something he was involved in. Bm should take care of dog while puke is here but refuses. She is controlling this situation along with puke who is trying withholding her visits from dh. Dh has said when it is older then maybe she can bring it occasionally.
Bm should take care of dog
Bm should take care of dog while puke is here but refuses.
BM knew damn well that SD had visitation with her father and would not be there all of the time to take care of a puppy. Besides, I really doubt that SD is taking care of that puppy 100% of the time, anyway, even when she is there. They are both playing games.
I am not a dog person (sorry
I am not a dog person (sorry to all of you dog lovers out there), and so there is no way I would allow a dog, and an untrained dog at that, into my home.
When dh and I first got together, bm left HER dog with dh. This was a dog she got after they separated, so it was her dog. I was not thrilled but we were all adjusting. Bm would walk into our home to make sure the dog was fed and watered. Once, she almost walked in on an intimate situation that dh and I were having in the living room. I mean literally seconds from us putting our clothes back on. When the skids weren't there we would often just stay in our birthday suits.
Anyhow, after 2 months and her not taking the pet, it took only once for the dog to have an accident on the floor. I told him that it was me or her dog. It was bums dog so she could take the dog that day, or find a friend or relative to take the dog. I am not sure what he did with the dog, I am fairly certain that he took it to the pound. She had months to rehome the dog and dh had been trying to find another home for it but couldn't.
It is not your dog nor your responsibility. His daughter is choosing to not visit if she can't take her pet. So one way or another bm is going to have to take some responsibility for the pet that she decided that sd could get unilaterally. That means taking care of the pet herself or taking care of the pet and sd. Her choice period. Not sds choice.
I am a parent, a biomom, and a stepmom. I have been in situations where the skids thought they were going to rule my roost. Bm used to ask us what our plans with skids were, I mean detailed plans. And if skids did not like it then she would tell us that we were to speak with skids about changing our plans to something they want to do. Dh and I are the adults and kids are kids. My plans for our home are well thought out, OUR kids don't get a choice and neither do skids.
Your dhneeds to take a stand now or it will get worse when the sd gets older.
Ok Miss People Pleaser -
Ok Miss People Pleaser - Sally and I will be very displeased if you let he dog come.
BM bought the dog and agreed
BM bought the dog and agreed to have it at her house. If SD is not there BM is responsible for the dog. If BM is not going to be home she needs to arrange for and pay for a kennel.
Once the dog comes once it will come every time.
Going to tell Dh tonight that
Going to tell Dh tonight that if he gives in and let's puke bring pup then he will need to make arrangements for the 3 of them to stay elsewhere as we are both in agreement that pup is not welcome at our house.
Have a feeling he got into with either puke or bm or both today by a text I got from dh. Won't know exactly what it was about but from the sounds of was about pup.
All of them staying elsewhere
All of them staying elsewhere is not really going to help the situation (other than pup won't be at your house). BM and SD are still controlling the show.
What dh does concerning pup,
What dh does concerning pup, puke, and bm is his decision. If dh chooses to give in so he can see puke, then he can be inconvenienced and they will be running his show. Not mine.
BM tried this on us about two
BM tried this on us about two years ago. She brought home a stray puppy for SS , then tried to pass the untrained, unhouse broken puppy to us for SS's visitation. Claiming that SS needed to work with it still. Our condo was fully carpeted and we had no yard. I flipped out, DH said no, and SS unfortunately still came over.
Last summer she tried to get us to watch it for two weeks while she went to find herself in India. Nope. At that point, we lived 3 hours away, have our own dog, and had white carpets, and our backyard was not finished and solid dirt. Who knows if the dogs would even get along, and she only plays nice when she wants something.
Like dealing with her kid isn't bad enough, BMs have the damn nerve to try to put their damn dog into our homes.
Is this the Aussie puppy?? Our dog is an Aussie, she likes to dig when she's bored and chew up sprinkler systems....
No dog!!!! Hold your ground!!