What have I become?
I was severely abused by my stepfather from age 4 up. Physically, mentally, sexually, verbally, and emotionally. I started to do drugs at age 12, just to make it bearable to go home at night. I worked a full-time job to help my family put food on the table. In high school I worked extra hard to graduate early. I took on almost twice the normal amount of classes, and got almost straight A's. At 17 I decided that doing drugs was un-acceptable, and I would no longer be doing them. My school screwed up and informed me that I would not be graduating early, but a year late. Because I'm stubborn and strong-willed; I dropped out. At 18 I left the cult I was raised in. In it were all of my friends, and my immediate family. I was determined to go to college, which was not acceptable to do in the cult. I wanted an extraordinary life.
Since then all I've become is a baby-sitter/ maid/ secretary. My days are spent following a 4 year old around (who's not mine) cleaning up after him, making dinner, and doing whatever my BF asks of me. In the last year, I have made no new friends, only enemies. SS's BM treats me terribly, and I have no one to back me up. I tried so hard to have a civil relationship with her for the sake of SS.
The most frustrating part is that I have no one to blame but myself. I let my life be reduced to what it is now. I'm still determined to go to college, but I've had to put it on hold till SS turns 5 and starts kindergarten. I'm just aggravated that I've allowed my life to become what it is right now. I should have tried harder, I should have held my ground more, I shouldn't have given up so much for someone who hasn't given the same.
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Then stop. It's simpile
Then stop.
It's simpile really. It's your life. Stop doing what you don't want to, do what you DO want to. This is the one and only life you'll get. Find a way to make this situation better or move on. Don't wait, do it right away. You never know when times up.......KWIM?
It sounds to me like you're
It sounds to me like you're a fighter inside already. You know, it's never too late to have an extraordinary life. If you know what you're missing, go get it girl!!!!
You're right, it's never too
You're right, it's never too late. And I'm still determined, I'm just frustrated with where I'm at at them moment. I'm not where I thought I would be. I'll get over it.
I would make a plan of
I would make a plan of action and stick with it. The first step is to start saving money. You only have one life and you don't want to look back and see that it was wasted. Start right now, today, saving every penny you can save. You will be surprised how fast it will add up by just putting a few dollars away when ever you get some extra. Enroll in a class at a local college and they will file for the money for you. There are elderly people who would cherish the idea of company and be very kind and helpful to you. You might Put an ad in the paper advertising that you will sit with the elderly at night so that you can spend your days going to school. Many older folks are lonely and just need some company so you would be helping someone and getting an education at the same time. You can become a nursing assistant in only a few months and nursing assistants are highly sought after because they are not as expensive as a nurse. Then if you find this is something you like you can go back and get your nursing degree. Being sexually abused is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. I know, I was abused as a child and it hurts emotionally, but it's not the end of life. We can shake it off and go on with out life, and not let the person who tried to ruin our life win the battle. When you let go YOU WIN. I wish you the best and hope you take charge of your life and start working on a plan to make it happen today.
If you've already left
If you've already left behind that whole mess of a life you described as your childhood, you can leave this misery behind, too. You sound very tenacious but perhaps in a rut at the moment?
You don't know where you could be if you don't take a step out of the comfort zone.
Stay strong and GET OUT!!
Definitely in a rut. You're
Definitely in a rut. You're absolutely right, I need to get out of my comfort zone and take some risks. That's the only way I will progress at this point.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to say. sending lots of love your way!!!! you know what you deserve girl and it doesn't sound like this is it. good luck and I hope we give you the motivation to make your life better, whatever that may be.
love ya
Thanks for the positive
Thanks for the positive thoughts. I need them lately!!
You are not married, or have
You are not married, or have bio-children right? Why do you do whatever BF asks of you? You sound like you have just went back to your childhood when you say that. Go - now! get out and do what you want to do with your life! I don't believe you will ever regret it.
No, I'm not married and have
No, I'm not married and have no bio-children. Currently I'm financially dependent on my BF. I've applied for 50+ jobs in the past couple months with 0 replies. He takes good care of me, and I him. I love him dearly, and my SS. I just wish there was more to my life at the moment. It's been a lot harder getting back on my feet than I thought it would be.
Outofplace, you mention that
Outofplace, you mention that "I'm still determined to go to college, but I've had to put it on hold till SS turns 5 and starts kindergarten." This is your BFs child, not yours, and he should be taking primary responsibility for her! Let him be a father/cook/maid/etc...that is HIS child.
You can still go to college and raise a child if you want it bad enough. I did it with two young children, (one is autistic), and no family in the area. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and go for it!!!
There are plenty of scholarships and grants available to an unmarried, unemployed person.
You're right. I just feel so
You're right. I just feel so guilty about relying on him financially I feel I owe it to him to take care of his son.
You are brave! Perhaps I'm just stalling; afraid I'm not smart enough for college since I didn't technically graduate high school. I know I can do this, I'm the only one stopping me!
Thank you. I needed to hear
Thank you. I needed to hear that. I constantly question every little decision I've ever made, but what I need to be doing is focusing on making FUTURE decisions, and worry about how to get myself where I want to be.
Try the below links for
Try the below links for school options that may work for you now. Make sure if you go the on-line school route that it is at minimum regionally accredited by one of the accrediting bodies in he second link below.
Colleges/Universities:
http://www.accredited-online-colleges.com/
Accreditation:
http://www.chea.org/Directories/regional.asp
Many state universities now offer on-line degree programs.
I did Grad school entirely on line while my Bride was going to night school to finish her Undergrad. She would drop him off at an hourly day care service (Kid Space) at 4:00 and I would pick him up on my way home from work at 4:30. I did the Daddy thing from 4:30 until 8:30 (Skid bedtime) then I was cranking away on the MBA until somewhere between midnight and 1:00 AM.
My wife finished her undergrad in 1999, I finished my MBA in 2000 when our Son (my SS) was 4-8yo. So, you can do it even with a young child. There are many options out there for degree completion.
As I mentioned, make sure that any college/university you choose is accredited by one of the official regional bodies.
Good luck and best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Phew! I can understand how
Phew! I can understand how you must be feeling... guilty b/c you're dependent on your boyfriend, down and depressed because the market sucks and you're having trouble getting a job. Feeling like you need to do everything else because of that. You don't! Talk to your BF, tell him how you're feeling. Maybe, if he's willing to help you (with a pay it forward in the future of course) now would be the time to go to college, while you're between jobs. Then, you could take over for a while, give him some slack in the financial department while he gives you slack in the mommy department. Everything really does even out eventually
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
Hmmm If I depended solely on
Hmmm If I depended solely on my BF, I seriously doubt he'd put me in the situation where I'd have to care for his child 24/7. Where's the childs mother? U don't have to be in this situation. I agree with the ones who mentioned this is not your child/responsibility because it's not. The reality is, this guy is only your BF.
The problem with living together before marriage is that US women are all too willing to take on the role of a wife while we are merely the GF. Get ur pride & enthusiasm back and get urself out of this rut. If he supports you as U support him, then he will make a way for you, as well as him, to be all that you can be and more.
Your helping him help himself and he needs to return the favor unless you want this to be your permanent way of life.
BTW, my BF works and I've been mostly unemployed for the past 2 yrs. The only kids I worry about is mines and ours. His, not so much.
R online classes an option for U??