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What would you do?

onehappygirl's picture

Submitted by onehappygirl on Mon, 08/03/2009 - 8:18am

As some of you may or may not know Truelightbeing is my DH. He got an e-mail from the Wookie, and we'd like to have your advice.

Some background. Last school year, the Wookie changed her work-hours. She had to be at work at 7:00 a.m. Childcare opens their doors at 7:00 a.m. So she asked DH if (on her weeks) she could drop the SKids at our house in the morning and I could get them to childcare for her. I agreed. Well, two weeks into the arrangement, she called me one morning and told me that she would take them to childcare instead of dropping them off at our house. Well, I arrived at childcare to drop off my bio-kids, and the director was in a tizzy. Apparently, the Wookie dropped the kids off at 6:30 and told them to wait there until someone showed up. The doors were locked, my SD was crying, and I was pissed!!! Well, childcare kicked her out of the program and she had to make arrangements to get the kids to school because I refused to help her after that. She was SUPPOSED to be suspended from the childcare program for a year, but she has reapplied and she "thinks" she has been accepted back into it.

So, Truelightbeing gets an e-mail from her this weekend asking if she can drop the kids off at our house in the mornings and I get them to childcare for her.

My first impression is "Oh HELL NO!!!" I will not be inconvenienced by her ever again. She's the one who screwed things up, let her figure it out. I love my Skids as if they were my own and I would do anything for them, but I will NOT be her babysitter, you know what I mean?

So, Truelightbeing has agreed with me, and he will tell her no. Now, we need advice - how to tell her no. What to say and what not so say. He's been a little stressed over this, and I told him to take it to Steptalk and ask your opinion. As he is at work now, I'm doing this for him.

What would you do?

Comments

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Mon, 08/03/2009 - 8:32am

I wouldn't be her sitter either! I would firmly, yet politely explain the situation, and advise her that you just cannot do it. Scratch that, I don't think you owe her an explanation. I would just say no. Period.

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Mon, 08/03/2009 - 8:36am

she really screwed up. Honestly, I'm not the most diplomatic person }:) so anything coming from me is gonna involve direct firmness aimed at BM for her screw up. In my mind there is really no "soft,cushy" way to tell her," we're really sorry that you messed up with the childcare situation but a screw up on your part does not necessitate an emergency on our part. We can't make our mornings anymore hectic than they already are. This doesn't mean we don't care about the children and this doesn't mean we don't love them dearly but we can't be punished or inconvenienced just because you messed up. Sorry."

This will most likely start a fight of some sort so maybe the other ladies have a better way to tell her no. Of course, anytime you tell a bm no to one of her requests you're always going to end up with a fight on your hands.

Good luck honey!! Your DH is awesome for having your back on this one Wink

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

onehappygirl's picture

Submitted by onehappygirl on Mon, 08/03/2009 - 8:44am

As soon as he gets home, I'm going to have him read this. That sounds absolutely perfect.

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Amazed's picture

Submitted by Amazed on Mon, 08/03/2009 - 8:48am

and here I thought I was being harsh on how to tell bm no }:)

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

LotusFlower's picture

Submitted by LotusFlower on Mon, 08/03/2009 - 9:16am

"we will not take the chance of seeing our daughter standing outside of daycare unsupervised and crying, when you yet again decide to change our agreed upon arrangements and do not do what is expected."

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

Abigail's picture

Submitted by Abigail on Mon, 08/03/2009 - 9:30am

I would have DH tell her that "I am sorry, but my wife has other conflicting responsibliities. Please don't call us to make requests on your custodial day." I mean really, it's her day, why should your life be disrupted by her? We get the same drama over here. BM can't handle anything. She has the skids call on her day and say take me here, take me there. SS calls and says "BM is not back from her day trip and I am still at my friends." DH used to run over there all the time and pick up the pieces. The skids thought it was his job to clean up after her and got mad at him if he didn't.

Both parents are responsible for their children's well being and we wanted the skids to understand that. On her day she is responsible for child care. On our day we are responsible. It's forcing BM to be more responsibile. Also, we no longer have our dinner/outing interuppted constantly because BM can't handle life constantly. It seemed to me she did a lot of the things she did knowing that DH would bail her out.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"