I've noticed that SS's attitude about BM's phone calls and the things that he says when he talks to her have undergone a pretty substantial change. A year ago, when BM would call (15 times) during BF and SS's visitation, their conversations would consist of her doing all the talking and him agreeing to whatever she said to get her to leave him alone. He would answer the phone cheerfully but get off the phone somewhat down. After about 15 minutes, he would be back to his normal self.

Six months ago, he stopped being cheerful when he answered the phone, and would try to occupy himself with something else while talking to her. Most of what he said during this time was "uh huh, uh huh, yeah...". He started putting her on speakerphone so that we could hear what she was saying and asking him. This is when we learned that the things BM claims SS says about us are really things she has said and he said "uh huh" or did not respond to. For instance, one morning I picked up breakfast for everyone. Her take on this to SS was, "You didn't like your breakfast, did you? It made you mad that Nymh got it for you, didn't it? You need to tell Nymh that you don't appreciate her getting you food and that you didn't like it because she got it for you. Go tell her." Then, she emailed me asking if he talked to me about it, saying that he said all of these things. Of course, when asked about how he really felt, SS said he didn't care where the food came from, it was his mom who felt that way.

About 2 months ago, he began to openly express his negative feelings when his mom called or when they got off the phone. When he answered the phone, you could hear the defeat in his voice as he mumbled "hey...". He began to question her. We'd frequently hear him whine "why..." and "I don't want to...". He also began to lie to her occasionally about whether or not I was around to try to avoid that part of the interrogation. He would keep himself occupied and most of his answers turned from "uh-huh's" to "no's".

This weekend, his mom only called 3 times (a startling change from the 10+ times she used to call) and only kept him on the phone for a max of 5 minutes per call (another shocking change from the minimum of 10 minutes per call, frequently adding up to 2+ hours per 8 hour visitation). Or, should I say, he only stayed on the phone that long...because at the end of those calls he would get exasperated and say "Ok, I love you, bye. Bye. BYE MOM. BYEEEE." and hang up. When the phone rang he would outwardly sigh and say "It's my mom AGAIN." He would answer the phone in an almost smartass tone, "HELL-o!". Then when they hung up he'd say "Finally!". You could hear the frustration and sometimes even anger in his voice while he told her no, asked her why, and told him he didn't want to. He would tell her names of who was around (leaving out my name), then say "yes. Yes. YESSSS MOM!!!" as if she was questioning whether he was telling the truth.

In the short year that SS has been visiting with us, he's changed so much in how he talks to his mom while around us. He's much more open with us now about how he really feels vs. how his mother feels and tells him he feels. My biggest curiosity is if he's becoming more honest with his mother when we're not around. While part of me is so proud of him for standing up for himself and expressing his true feelings, the rest of me is sad that he even has to go through this. A kid shouldn't feel like they have to lie to their parent over a subject that they're sick of hearing about. Children shouldn't dread when their parent calls or express their joy at finally getting off the phone. I feel so sad and happy for him at the same time.