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And worse...and worse...

Nymh's picture

Let's start this incredibly depressing entry on a lighter note, because by the end of this I will be ready to pull my own hair out. We received word yesterday that the modified parenting plan had been signed by a judge and is now in effect. Woohoo! Now, instead of two 8-hour visits per month, BF gets the standard EOW visitation plan. Hooray! We were so excited and happy about this news. In the old parenting plan, BF was to get SS over the weekend for Easter. Now that the new plan is in place, it was switched to Thursday and Friday.

Looking back about a week, BM has been calling and emailing trying to convince us that we had "switched" visitation so as to not have SS on Easter. BF agreed to no such thing. Well then she tries to claim that BF doesn't "get" SS on Easter because that's her day. Noo, Every odd Easter is BF's time. When she realizes that she won't be able to trick or bribe BF into giving up his Easter visitation, she tells him that she would "die before she let him get SS on Easter".

Now, back to yesterday and learning about the new parenting plan. So now that BF is aware that he is supposed to have SS that very night, he called BM to arrange picking him up. She informed him that that wasn't going to happen. "What have you done now?" he asked her. She informed him that she shouldn't even be talking to him at all, and that had taken out an order of protection on him so that he couldn't see SS. BF told her, "This is about to get messy..." and hung up.

So yesterday afternoon when I got off work, we went straight to our lawyer with all of our evidence. BF's divorce attorney has already drawn up paperwork to file on Friday to sue her for contempt of court. We have been advised by all 3 attorneys that we can have the state sue BM for pressing false charges, and we will be doing that as soon as we can. After an hour or two of discussion, our criminal attorney advised us that we should present our evidence to the Magistrate and ask for a summons for phone harrassment, which is a criminal charge. They also advised us to let BF's mother call DCS (she's been waiting for us to give her the go-ahead for months) and report BM's house as a potential health hazard so that they would investigate it. My attorney called the sheriff's department in BM's county and the sheriff served the order of protection to BF over the phone, then requested that BF come pick it up in person himself.

In the meantime, BF's mother called BM's mother and warned her of what BM was doing and that she better talk some sense into her daughter before things got ugly and we started using the evidence we had. She said that BM has to make up lies to keep BF away from SS but we've been holding back the truth for so long while trying to be nice, but we weren't going to be nice anymore and things were going to get really bad if BM didn't quit. BM's mother called BM and told her what she was told, so of course BM called BF's mother and left a nasty message on her answering machine.

We went to the Magistrate's office and presented our evidence to her. She was seriously in shock. I guess I never realize the scope of just how bad this situation is until I see someone else's reaction to what we're dealing with. She said that BM is a liar, she's a cheat, and she needs to be taught some lessons on being a mother. She very gladly gave us the summons for phone harrassment and told us to keep logging everything.

BF's mother lives in the same county as BM, so we went to the sheriff's department there to pick up the order, then went to BF's mothers to record the message off of the machine. The order said that when BM tried to call BF to tell him about SS being ill, BF told her that he wished she were dead and would do it himself if he had to. She stated that she felt threatened and was scared for her life.

We spent a couple of hours at BF's mother's house talking about everything, then went home. I can't believe we ran around from 4:30 PM to midnight just dealing with this stuff. I can't believe BM got ANOTHER order of protection on BF. She does this every time the court rules something that she doesn't agree with. She's using SS as a weapon and she's ruining him in the process.

I'm excited and nervous and anxious and worried. I just wish things would move faster!

Comments

Little Jo's picture

I truely can't believe the shit you have endured. Make what I think is a big deal nothing.

So where does all this leave you for Sunday.?

Nymh's picture

Since SS is covered under the order, this leaves us without visits from SS until the order of protection is dropped. BM timed it perfectly to where it was early enough to prevent BF from getting his overnight holiday visitation but late enough that he couldn't do anything about it before visitation time rolled around.

Our lawyers continue to be amazed at how conniving and clever this woman is. She continues to manipulate the system to get what she wants and times it perfectly to where it will interfere with BF's parenting time and he can't do anything about it until after he's already lost the time.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Little Jo's picture

How old is ss? And your BM is absolutely certifiable.

Nymh's picture

He's 8, and he is getting to the point where his relationship with his mother is being negatively affected. He cries every time we drop him off at her house and always asks us to keep him later than we can. He won't tell his mother what's wrong and she always ends up calling and asking us what WE did to make him cry. Why don't you ask him what's wrong and listen to him instead of interrogating him about what happened with us? Maybe if you left him alone about me and his dad for a while he'd be ok and wouldn't cry when he got home to you!

I can't believe she doesn't see the signs and recognize how her behavior is affecting her son. How can someone be so blind to their own child?

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

stepup's picture

You know Nymh.. I am constantly amazed that the patience and restraint you and BF have shown.

What is suppose to happen next? You have a court order letting you see SS.. but she's got a restraining order. How do you get the restraining order sorted out? When will MIL call DCS?

Sweetie.. you have the courage of a lion.. and I am amazed by your strenght. Hang in there.. take it one day at a time, and know that you have the truth on your side!

Stepup

Nymh's picture

Thank you so much for your comments. MIL will call DCS today. The order of protection supercedes the court-ordered parenting plan. They should be going to court the end of next week according to BM, but we haven't been served with a subpoena so we don't know for sure. Last time BM did this, BF showed up with a lawyer to defend himself but didn't countersue or anything. The order was dropped down to a neutral restraining order which did not cover SS, only was supposed to keep BF and BM from contacting each other unless it was about SS. Well, we all know how well that worked to keep BM from calling...

THIS time, BF is coming at her full-force and we won't be letting up. I am going to be getting my restraining order on her soon, and then I expect to be suing her for harrassment and stalking soon after that. We have been very reserved and patient with BM, but she keeps digging her hole deeper and deeper and BF has finally had enough and is ready to fight back.

Honestly I'm glad but I'm also pretty scared. I'm not letting it show though because the last thing BF needs is me, his rock, breaking down! lol

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Candice's picture

She is an asshole! I'm so sorry Nymh. I wish I had some words to make your weekend get better. All I can say is let her hang herself, she is taking all the rope she needs!

I really hope the system finally catches up to her. I know she is just being difficult in hopes you guys will just give up. Well don't! Keep doing what you are doing, eventually it will pay off. You never know, maybe they will realize what a nutjob she is and give you guys custody!

Your poor ss. My heart just aches for him. Please give him lots of love the next time you see him.

Hugs,
Candice

tootsie's picture

What state do you live in? Different states have different laws. So was your BF actually "served" the citation? What were the claims that she made? Because in order to get a Protection Order (not a "Restraining" Order - very different) she has to allege to the court that abuse has occurred and will likely occur again....

"You gonna skin that smoke wagon, ‘er just stand there and bleed?"

Nymh's picture

One of the county clerks in her town is a friend of hers and she frequently calls and tells him things that she wants him to do or say to BF and he does them. Over Christmas visitation she had him get on the phone with BF and tell him that he should give BM another contact number because she wanted one. BF said sorry, it's not a court-order and it's not in the divorce or the parenting plan so she's not getting another number. So basically BM goes up to the sheriff's department and tells her buddy that she needs an order of protection and he gives it to her. She writes down some bullshit about BF threatening her life and how she feels scared and BAM, now we've got to go to court again.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Little Jo's picture

As I told you before, my biggest fear is that she is so f@#king nuts that she will take off with the child.

I wish the system worked faster.

Best thoughts and prayers. Jo

OldTimer's picture

Nymh, I'm thinking about you. I hope this mess can get resolved, sad it has to happen in court, though.

Sounds like this fellow/buddy of BM's at the clerk's office needs to their wings clipped, in my opinion... is there a chance that you can have a judge order a 'conflict of interest' on this 'employee' so as that they can't hand feed to BM on the basis that they are 'friends'? Just a thought. Don't know how feasible that is, but seems to me quite a conflict of interest to me...

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...